A
male
age
41-50,
*anlyenough
writes:My friends are always giving me a hard time calling me nasty names because they say I treat girls "too nice". At first I use to brush it off but now it is getting really old hearing them go on and on about how I better check to see if I still ahve my balls. I was raised to treat girls with respect and love.My guy friends said that I needed to go out and "pick up " a girl. We went away for a all guys weekend and it was a living nigthmare. It was a 4 day trip an 2 of the guys I was with picked up a different girl each night to take back to the hotel. That really isnt my style and I didnt and they gave me hell all weekend for it. There was a really nice girl that I flirted and talked with and once she got really drunk they were all cheering me on to take her back to my room. She was completely drunk and had no idea what she was doing and I couldn't do it. Yes it would have been nice to get laid but not by some girl that has no idea what she is doing or passing out on me. The last night that we were there we met a group of girls that seemed nice and we hung out drinking and dancing. The girls got really drunk and my friends were complete ^^^s to them. They treated them like dirt and the girls seemed to like it. My guy friends behaved very badly. I don't care if she is jsut some easy girl they picked up at a bar but they were disrespectful. I cant disrespect a girl the way they do. All the guys I know seem to get girls all the time by treating girls this way. Why do girl do allow guys to treat them this way and is there any decent guys like me around any more
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): You sound like a very special man to me and when you find the right girl she is going to be a lucky lady indeed.
Respect to you for not caving in to peer pressure.
A
female
reader, Fender  +, writes (30 October 2012):
Dear Mr Nice GuysFirst of all thanks. You just reassure there at least some decent guys at the bar/pub. I normally go to pub just hang with my girls trying forget stress of uni n work. Yes we do get pick up and be nice and chat to them, but somehow they under the impression that we are easy. My mate n i dont drink anymore n told the guy that but he still bought us a bottle of champagne? Another group where i think only 1 out the five werent drunk there so out of it that we had drive them home. While talking to them the guy came over with his fly undone, n try sitr the convo around sex topic, n try to get to stay over i just look the one in eye n dude pull ur pants up cos it not gonna happen. i'm not easy. My mates n family makes joke about me for being 25 n have yet to date or sleep with anyone. There a few case where it was close but timing was bad so life goes on. But end of the day i happy that stick to my morals and just do it for the sake or it. As for ur questions why dont we like nice guys. I cant speak for the others. But for me, i can control whom i like dislike in that way, it just happen. If did had control of our feeling we would chose the nice guys, SUre save us a lot heartache. I still dont understand why all nice guys notice me. And it eats me up every time i have to turn them down. Most of the time it cause i kinda have feelings for someone else. I go on the a date where part of me he was someone else. It not fair on me or to the guys. My last flame/crush was a nice guy. He wasnt my usual bartender or rock-star with rip jean n tatts. But we notice each other from cross the room at uni coffee shop, both us got caught checking the other out. Eye flirted [both other people] Sadly not even hour later we found out he was new sociology professor so any hope of anything happen went out the window, Professional, however he still make smile n laugh when just being himself with silly quirks. when our hands accidentally touch [by that i meant both went to pick up the my pen that fell]. I swear i felt both our body heat go right up. Other than that nothing happen. Though we never talk about subject. I can never ask him to do anything that will ruin our jobs neither will he. He will n always be a nice what if? i think about the what if during my bad days.Point is you will find the girls , you wont know when, why or how . But you will know that there something special is there , there controlling it will just happen. they way i see it your mates are free spirited they want some fun that ok, But you like me wanted something real. hope that helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): Who are these people?? Why are you friends with them? Stay away from them!
I really admire you because you respect women! Those girls are just trashy and all they want is sex. They don't deserve you so don't stress about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): When is the last time you heard a guy say a girl is "too nice" as if its a drawback?
You don't ever hear guys say it because they don't feel that way. And you wouldn't hear girls say it either if they didn't really feel that way.
Stereotypes are almost always based on a large grain of truth. The stereotype about women liking jerks is no exception.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): It depends on the woman. The types of girls you are attracted to like jerks because they are immature and/or have low self-esteem. They are likely still at the mental stage where physical appearance is paramount, and a physically attractive male expressing interests in them equates to increased self-worth or increased self-esteem. The guy can treat the girl as bad as he wants because "possession" of the male is linked to their self-worth, and losing that man means they are not desirable. Do yourself a favor...change the venue in which you seek women. You will run into more of the aforementioned type at bars and watering holes than you will mature and sensible women with self-awareness and self-esteem.Women with self-awareness and self-esteem like "good guys." So, go after those women.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Stop stereotyping girls. Its your idiotic friends who are the problem, not women. Why do you even hang out with people like them? On the one hand you say that you were raised to treat girls with respect and love and on the other hand you choose to associate with people who are no less than scum. Weren't you taught to choose friends wisely?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): Are you friends your age, 30-35? If yes, hmmm, they act like they are in their teens or very early twenties, because guys in their thirties rarely act like that. The time for picking up drunken and puking girls, and have making no sense sex with them should be left in far silly drunken past.Guys in their 30 s usually went through all of this nonsense, and leave it behind them, looking for a girlfriend. Most of us mature with age mentally and don't go on with wild crazy parties, but of course there are some of us like your friends who never age like Peter Pan and stay teens their whole life.Well, I have a very sad projections for this sort of behavior: loneliness, sad old age with no one to love, and with noone that loves you.I really don't know how to explain why you Are a nice guy have friends like that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): In all honesty is these guys are doing this to you they are NOT your real friends. All they care about is their ego and sleeping around. I could use less polite terms for it. I have a friend similar to you, only he has given in and it broke my heart because he's become a complete twat. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do. You should be happy you are a decent guy, however you need to learn to stick up for yourself more. Sure everyone will probably get that sort of "abuse". Usually as a joke once or twice, but definitely not for as long as you have.Why do you associate yourself with these people? Either stand up for yourself and make it clear what you think about them and how they make you feel, show them what they are doing is nothing to be proud of ...or walk away. You don't need that, because as I've seen for myself its one of the worse things to see when such a good, decent, respectable guy turns to fit in with his mates.I honestly wish there were more guys out there like you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): You sound lovely but your 'friends' sound horrible. I'd say get new friends as they are attracting the wrong type of girl for you and they are confusing your standards which are otherwise really, really great. I'm really confused as to why you hang out with them, they sound revolting. It will also put off any women who is looking for a decent guy if she sees you hanging out with these creeps, and it will be really hard for her to understand or fit in with your group - it's a bit like expecting a woman to accept double standards right from the very beginning, which would make her seriously doubt your sincerity and, ultimately, your ability to 'man up' and just be yourself and have friends who reflect your values.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 "There are decent guys like me who get no where. Why do some girls allow guys to treat them in disrespectful ways?"
Why are decent guys like you going after women who have no clue what they want, don't have self respect, and are likely mistreating their partners in return?
Why don't you decent guys go looking for decent girls to be with, rather than chase bimbo's who sleep with everyone?
Quit the stereotypes, women in general don't let men treat them poorly any more than men in general let women treat them poorly. The only answer is that some people don't know what they should and shouldn't accept in a relationship, and plenty don't have a clue what they want out of a relationship.
Yes, there are decent guys around. I don't know you, so I can't say if you are actually decent or if you just think you are decent. But there are decent guys around. Out of my 4 serious relationships, 2 of them were decent guys, and one just needed to grow up and mature before he got decent. The last one was, and to my knowledge still is, an ass.
But yes, there are decent guys out there, and the biggest difference between decent guys and jerks is that decent guys end up with girlfriends, whereas jerks most often just end up with one night stands because they can't get a woman to commit to them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 October 2012):
 I agree with the other Aunts and, as for that, I'd be curious to know why, if you are so nice and respectful, you freely choose to associate with these guys , that you actually call " my friends ". The company you keep in general says a lot about who you are and what you think is acceptable , or not.
I mean, it's all very well to criticize the bad guys who would not hesitate shagging a totally pissed drunk girl who is so out of it... that it becomes a rape ( since she is not able to give her conscious consent ). Then though, this raises a question : what's a nice mild mannered sensitive guy doing hanging out with rapists ?
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 October 2012):
I'd like to have someone like you as a boyfriend. Person1234 hit the nail on the head: the issue is with the people you call 'friends'. They are what me and my friends refer to as douche bags. They think they're kings but the fact they need a gal to be (heavily) intoxicated before they can convince them to come with them show what losers they truly are.
The kind of girl you're looking for won't be at a bar getting completely shit faced. That's not their style. Teens may be into that sort of thing, but when they get into their twenties that stuff gets old and they too move on. It's the insecure, slutty ones that remain and stick to that lifestyle. And it's the players that pick them up, thinking their rockstars. It's sad.
You have a better shot at finding likeminded people at sports, concerts, other things that interest you. And please stay true to your beliefs and keep treating women the way you have been. You'll get somewhere, trust me. You've just been looking at the wrong places, with the wrong people.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 October 2012):
 "Yes it would have been nice to get laid but not by some girl that has no idea what she is doing or passing out on me."
Good choice, because having sex with a very drunk woman is rape.
Your issue is not with women or the way you treat them. Your issue is with your friends. They sound like a bunch of jerks. They treat women badly AND they treat you badly. They try to pressure you into committing crimes (rape), behaving in ways you disagree with and get upset when you don't behave the same way. They also take you places that probably don't have what you're looking for. You sound like the kind of guy who either wants a relationship/dates, or if you hookup for it to be with someone you actually like.
The issue isn't that girls don't like nice guys, the issue is that nice guys don't take advantage of vulnerable women to get what they want. If they were really that good at getting women, they wouldn't need to look for drunk ones. You need to find some new friends and new places to hang out. There are lots of nice, smart, hot, funny women out there who would love a respectful nice guy to date and you're probably not going to find them getting wasted at bars.
Take up some classes, especially cooking class. Those are mostly full of women AND teach you very attractive skills. A guy who can cook and treats women well? Most women would love that. The women who go for jerks like that tend to be the most insecure ones who can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogance and need the ego boost.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): Oh lord. As nasty as this will sound..SHUT UP!I hate when guys complain that 'girls only like the bad guys'. No, we all have different tastes in men. Find a nice girl, it's not that hard. Perhaps stop raising your standard bar so high.
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