A
male
age
41-50,
*ovestinks
writes:So, I've found the almost perfect woman and we've been dating a year now. She's the best g/f I've ever had. I always had a rule against dating single moms, but when I met her, I chose to break that rule and now I'm in love w/ her, but I can not stand her kids and don't want to be around them, but they are both at her hip 24/7, we can't go places and do things w/ my friends b/c we always have to include the kids. She works so much that when she's not working, she only wants to be w/ her kids and me. We rarely get time alone. Not b/c she can't get a babysitter, but b/c she doesn't want to do anything if the kids aren't included. There real dad lives just down the street, but ignores there existence and wont even call them on there b-days or holidays, so they look to me to pick up his slack. It pisses me off so F'ing bad b/c I don't think I should have to take on his responsibility. It's like her the kids and there dead beat dad just expect me to do his job for him. I'm not a family guy, I live in a studio condo downtown, I love night life, road trips and adventure. If I give up my way of life and who I am and become what they want me to be, I think I will only be bitter and grow to resent her.Her and I have great chemistry and an amazing attraction to one another and the best sex ever, but I don't fit into her life, nor does she and her kids fit into mine, what should I do w/ this ? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, writerchic80 +, writes (27 April 2009):
For starters, it seems you have found a really awesome woman! She is obviously independent and is an attentive mother & loving person. . . I can see why you would fall for her. However, what alarms me is the anger in your post towards her children. Let me stress, these are CHILDREN and it is not their fault they are being thrust into all of this! If you can't "stand" them . . .you already know what you need to do. Swingin' bachelor and single moms are two terms that do not go together. This relationship is not for you . . . let her go so she can be loved and accepted by someone who doesn't view having a family as a sacrifice.
YOU don't seem to be selfish but your actions dictate otherwise. In the event you two would decide to marry and have more children . . . isn't this the kind of woman you would want raising them? The kind of woman who will not put a man or a relationship before the well-being of her babies. . . .not to mention who cares for them and provides for them and doesn't ask for hand-outs. She sounds like a winner!
That "swingin'" lifestyle you crave will end. Everyone has to go home from the party eventually . . . and who will you go home to? The loving smiles of a family and the coziness a family brings OR the echo of an empty condo with only your cat and Beta Fish to greet you . . .
Think about that . . .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Get over it! Stop boohooing n either get involved w their lives, stop being selfish n make them apart of your live or move on... so you n they can be who you want to be n who they want to be..unless your both happy w your current situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): If your not ready at your age, you never will. Some people just don't want kids in their life. You broke your own dating rule, make sure you don't do it again or your both just end up hurting. Move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 It seems pretty clear that you and that woman are not for each other. You want different things. Why don't you just break up with her?
...............................
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (26 December 2008):
 It sounds like you already resent her. True love is the willingness to sacrifice one's self for someone else. If you really loved her, then you would be willing to accept the new responsibility of surrogate dad. Life isn't fair but that's what love is all about.
I couldn't do it either. I am too selfish to give up my life for someone else's kids, but a lot of men do take that responsibility for the women they love. Trust me, at this point in my life, I'm still not quite sold on having kids of my own.
The point is, this mom and her children deserve someone who will love and commit to them. It doesn't sound like you are the man for the job. Move on. Let her find the right person for her.
Maybe one day, you'll find someone who you love so much that you'll be willing to give up your bachelor lifestyle for.
...............................
A
female
reader, hibiscus  +, writes (26 December 2008):
I agree with Emilysanswers!
Her kids are apart of her life (and I am glad they are...after all, they are HER kids). If you can not handle the kids you need to move on. Did you think that the kids would somehow disappear? If their father is a death beat dad, then he is. Hopefully she will open up her eyes and not trap another person who does not want to be a father/dad.
If the lifestyle is not for you, then you need to move on and you should have gotten involved with her in the first place. They are more important things (especially in a family) than sex. She seems to want a committed relationship with a family focus, where as you prefer the bachelor life.
Although it might hurt like hell in the beginning, she needs to know this and you need to move on. It is not fair on either of you, nor is it fair on her kids.
Best wishes
...............................
A
female
reader, confusedgf1973 +, writes (26 December 2008):
If you are not a family man, and do not want a woman with kids, then you should have considered that prior to making this relationship go on. It is not fair to the kids, you, or her. It only puts a bad vibe on the kids. A mother and her children are an inseperable package and there is nothing that can break that. I think if you are unwilling to accept the kids and are not willing to become a family man, then before more feelings get hurt, you need to end it and move on and stick to your stipulations for relationships.
...............................
A
male
reader, Arianz  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Dear bro,U feel chemistry and u want to be with her then u have to accept the reality. cause for a mother her kid is very important. Ur a guy it is very hard for u to understand that feeling.so u have to make a decision within 2 options:1. u will live with them.2. u will not live with them.If u want her then want her kid too, coz that kid belongs to her.If u feel that they r not fit for ur life then leave them alone. cause god will make someone to take care of them. I hope u take my advice positively.so now its ur turn to take decision...But please be honest with that KID and don't try to make him Separate from his mother.U better find someone who is ur type :-)best of luck take carearianz
...............................
A
female
reader, oikid11 +, writes (26 December 2008):
 She and her kids are a package deal. Having someone who ignores them, just like their father, isn't going to help. I' sorry to say, but if you really love her, you'll take on her kids.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 December 2008):
I'm sorry mate but she and the kids come as a package.
If you want a relationship with her then you have to have a relationship with the kids as well.
If you can't handle that then it is sad but you just have to tell her that you can't be the man she wants and go and find a woman without any baggage.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Ashtarot +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Okay, the first thing you have to consider are the ages of the kids. As she's a single mom, I will take it that she's their main caregiver. Kids tend to want to be with their main caregiver 24/7. My son's like that with his dad now. But as they get older they change and become less clingy. Does she have any family that can take the kids for a night while you take her out for a nice meal? Explain to her that you want to treat her for working so damn hard and for being such a great mom. However, if you can't see yourself fitting into her life now, what makes you think you ever will if you're not willing to work at it and make some sacrifices? Good luck with this one.
...............................
|
