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*xxkennidyxxi
writes:I recently caught my son on the computer looking up pornography and masturbating, i sent him to his room and told him not to ever again, and that it was wrong. i think i did the right thing, but I'm not sure. he's only 11 and it seemed like he was too young to get into that kind of thing.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 You went a bit far, as in.. pornography is something that some adults do.. it's difficult to say it's wrong, because you may cause him sexual guilt. If you think it's wrong, then explain that is your view. Then he can understand, your opinion is one thing, but others think differently.
A better way to say it is.. "I think porn is wrong, I don't like it in my house. This stuff is not for children, your too young to look at such sexual things."
Then there is no guilt. He understands you don't like it, and you don't think it's appropriate. But he won't feel bad if he thinks such things are sexy and arousing. Then he will be just like most kids, trying to find pictures of naked women without his mother finding out. This will not stop him, he'll just be more careful. But your responsibility is to protect him, and you've certainly done that, so leave it alone.
Kids look at porn, adults try to stop them, a very old game, and your played your part beautifully.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Viewing age for porn is 18, so at 11 yes that's way too young. As everyone specified masturbating at that age, or even younger is perfectly normal and expected. It's time for the masturbation/wet dreams talk, if his father is around I suggest he is up to bat for this talk. But something tells me you're a single mother, if this is the case then I would brush up on some facts so you have a better understanding, if need be you can recruit the help of your brother or father to have this chat with your son. Truthfully, he will be more comfortable if this talk is coming from a male role model.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Raider's is 100% right. Good advice.
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female
reader, princessJaye14 +, writes (14 September 2010):
 here's a point of view from the child; he's been opened up to a new world; a world of curiosity for what he's never endured or seen. Maybe his friends at school introduced him to this, and he tried it at home. i remember eleven as being my first year wondering about sex. this was because i started sex-education in health at this age. if he takes this class, his teacher might have explained this habit. it was wrong to punish him because he would only feel that it is right to hide his feelings. i am a freshman in high school; no one talks secretly about watching porn, or goes on about megan fox or hot girls. this phase will definitely pass as he matures. good luck!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Telling him it's flat out wrong and to never do it again is only going to make him more confused. Unfortunately, Pandora's box has been opened. 11 is now the average age for first viewing pornography. If you think it's bad for him to view it, you need to sit him down and tell him why. He just saw all this stuff on the internet, he probably has no idea what is going on. You're going to have to explain to him what sex is about, how pornography ISN'T real and not how real women look or act, and a bad portrayal of the real thing. You need to talk to him about this and be open to all his questions. Without getting angry. With how widely available porn is, it's not his fault. He didn't do anything out of the ordinary. He has questions, and if you don't help answer them, porn will. And incorrectly. Also, masturbation is normal at his age. Trying to get him to stop now that he's started is just not going to work. Masturbation is healthy. You should talk to him about healthy masturbation habits or get him a book on it if it's way too awkward to talk about.
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female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I saw a romantic movie on TV, with making love and kisses & all that stuff when I was 10 and the next day I told one of my friends that "i got an itchy feeling down there when I saw those images".
You scared him, because now he will probably think that masturbation is a bad thing, and people must not do it. Porn is bad, I agree, it's psychologically heavy for his little brain.
But you'd be surprised how kids nowadays are more informed about sexuality then you were in your teenage hood, trust me on this one. Kids discover their early their sexuality and when they get that "itchy feeling", they start to wonder and get intrigued by it and they go "what's that all about? let's try again, I really enjoy it".
It is absolutely normal to masturbate, but it's not normal to do it in public.
Anyway, he WASN'T doing it in public, he was at home, probably thinking that none of you (you or his mom) was around. So go to his room and explain him how are things regarding masturbating. Make sure you talk to him as a friend, not as a father who's been through that himself.
So, when did YOU discover your sexuality? :)
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reader, motherhen +, writes (14 September 2010):
Hi Honey,
I think you probably acted out of shock - any mother dreads her babies growing up, and you were obviously shocked and upset by what you saw, as well as you both being very embarassed!
Once you feel ready to, have a chat with him about the birds and bees, explain that masturbation is fine, but to do it in private. Maybe discuss a "closed door" policy for his room or something?
As for the porn thing i think you need to have a chat about that too. Just because there is porn readily available doesn't make it right, and the earlier you explain to him that real couples dont make love like that the better. I believe porn can have a place in an adult world but he is just an impressionable child who needs to understand the reality of the "industry", and not to believe everything he sees.
Get some porn blocker for the PC that only you have the password for, you need to have control over what content he can see at home when you are not there, and that will give you some peace of mind.
Good luck!
xxxx
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (14 September 2010):
 He got caught masturbating and will probably feel ashamed and guilty about it, I think you need to talk to him about it. He shouldn't feel guilty about masturbating but let him know he needs to do this in private, porno I agree he is to young.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): People underestamate what kids are aware of nowadays. Most kids at age 11 are fully aware of sex and masturbation, whether it was learnt from older brothers/sisters/friends or. Even tv.
I'm sure he is very embarrassed at the minute at the fact you have caught him doing this. I think you should leave it for a couple of weeks and then talk to him. He may feel more comfortable talking to a male where possible.
Good luck! Handle with care!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Yes it was wrong. You are going to scare the kid into thinking sex is some sort of taboo. He shouldn't be looking at porn, but that's your fault, control the things your kids look at. Its not his fault he is going through those changes, and you yelled at him for it? Be reasonable. Now i know it probably upsets you because he is your little boy, but you need to have a mature talk with him. If his dad is around or a man he can be comfortable with you should have them talk to him, so its less awkward. Don't make the kid ashamed for exploring sexuality, we all do it and at different ages. I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): I can agree with you that he’s a little too young to start looking at actual pornography, but you have to take into consideration that for a lot of people… that’s one of the only ways to get that “release” so to speak. A lot of people start experimenting with masturbation around the teenage years, it’s just normal in this day and age. I don’t think you should tell him that it’s wrong, necessarily. If he thinks it’s wrong, he could grow up to have an unhealthy sexual appetite that could stem from feelings of “wrong-doing” as a young boy. In my opinion, I would let him know that it’s probably too early to start looking at material like that, just make sure he knows that masturbation isn’t “wrong.” As he gets older, that could be a really good way to relieve stress or tension in his life without doing the actual deed.
Also, you could look into password protecting the computer and blocking certain sites for a few years. There’s a campaign going on in my area that’s providing tips to mom’s and dad’s in regards to shielding children from that kind of material at an early age. Monitoring his web use and making sure certain sites are blocked would be a good idea since he is just 11. You can always remove the restrictions in a few years or when you’re comfortable. Just a suggestion! It’s important to realize that this kind of behavior will more than likely happen again at some point… I mean boys will be boys after all. And that’s okay, because it’s just him exploring his own body. Good luck :)
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reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 He is too young to view such things! But sexuality is an extremely sensitive thing when it comes to children and teens. You should have talked to him. Punishing kids for sexual curiosity sometimes leads to them feeling ashamed and dirty when they finally engage in intercourse or entertain normal sexual feelings. So, sit him down and just explain that it's normal to feel curious but that looking at such things isn't the best route to take. That what he sees on those websites aren't always about reality, but the sometimes twisted fantasies of people. Tell him he's not ready to understand that yet and therefore, not ready to view it. He may receive peer pressure to watch porn and his friends may carry it too. So don't make demands, don't order him never to see it. Simply convince him. Find a few books on the topic, let him educate himself. Have his dad talk to him too. He needs to learn to difference between what he saw and what is real. (Porn at times degrade women). Child blocks on the computer should help too
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reader, rcn +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I think it's time you two have "the talk". Boys and girls, ages vary, where they begin finding out about their sexuality. I know that was impulse sending him to his room, but it won't be effective if you don't talk to him about sexuality and the birds and the bees. What you don't want to do is get him believing that sexuality [in itself] is wrong, or he may develop issues from sexual dysfunctions, to not being able to become emotionally or sexually attached another individual as an adult. Although you saw it as being wrong, he's only exploring himself, which he recently found or became aware of, so how you proceed would be more important than judging it being right or being wrong.
Also, at his age, he'd blind to what sexuality is all about. He may have seen the porn on the computer, but what it's all about he probably has no idea. This is what he will get from you, and how you talk to him. Has he begun puberty early? Often kids will explore some with themselves when the chemical changes begin. It doesn't mean he's developing abnormal behaviors. I would block the computers where porn can't be viewed. Who's to say if he'd begin doing this without that access or if that triggered his desire at this point. At 11, he shouldn't have access to viewing porn, and now that he knows how easy it is to access, I'd put parental restrictions on his access.
So, you want to talk to him because he may not know how wrong what he was doing is, and you don't want him to have future negative implications because of the confusion he has now.
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reader, OhGetReal +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I think you should apologize to your son, first for telling him that it was wrong.
Be specific, tell him masturbation is normal and healthy for a boy going through puberty and that even most adults do that now and then. Tell him it is something he has to do in private and that it should not become an obsession with him.
Tell him that looking at porn on the Internet is wrong. First explain to him that repeated porn use actually changes the wiring in his brain and puts him on a one way track to porn addiction, or at the very least will desensitize him to sex and actual human relationships where sex is supposed to be an expression of love and bonding.
I know there are a lot of aunts out there who are pro porn, I am not one of them. I really do think it is inappropriate especially for a child of 11 to be exposed to porn, but they are, we have the Internet porn industry to thank for that. It's free to download on their iPhone or computer or cell phone. It's a travesty that our children are so sexualized in this way.
I would also explain to him that there is a bigger picture here. The porn industry if you have any ethics at all is a bad deal for the people in the films. Many of them have found that path in life through sexual abuse and neglect and they are put in positions that are literally painful, can lead to all sorts of diseases, some of them fatal, and that the only people making real money are those selling the films.
It's time to educate him about sex. Read up on the HPV virus, and explain to him that sexual contact of any kind exposes him to this virus which can lead to oral, anal, cervical cancers....that HPV is one of the most common human viruses and can live under the finger nails. For this reason, condoms are useless. Tell him that oral sex exposes him...as kids his age are engaging in that...explain about how having an unwanted pregnancy will ruin his life should he get a girl pregnant...
You may think he's too young, he isn't...give him all the information and ask him to come to you or his father for any questions that he may have as getting information from his friends will lead him to get the wrong information.
Take care and good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Use Netgear wireless router (WNR2000) and block all pornography.
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male
reader, crazybeast +, writes (14 September 2010):
 ok this answer might be sligtly biased but it is pretty much natural to have urges and wonders at that certain age, i know i did... he is deffinatly not to young to wonder what its like or try and watch what its like
but... he is to young to be viewing pornographic and explicit images on the internet but he will most proboly carry on and keep viewing... its like a wet paint sign.. you know its going to be wet but you have to touch it just to make sure.
xx Beasty xx
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I do not see a problem with what he is doing, and I don't think he is too young. By punishing him for it, he may wonder if he is not normal. I know it will be uncomfortable for you both, but I think you should have a discussion with him about it. Explain to him why you got upset with him. Boys and men usually do not talk about this type of stuff with their friends like women do, so try not to over talk the subject.
All men look at porn and he is just doing what is natural. If you feel weird about seeing it, maybe he should have his own computer if he doesn't already. Or, teach him how to delete his browser history so you don't have to ever see it. Either way, he needs to know that what he is doing is not wrong. I am assuming it was very surprising and caught you off guard. If so, tell him. Just remember to be open with him about it. If all goes well, he might think of you as someone he can confide in which could help both of you bond and grow closer.
Good luck!
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reader, Battista +, writes (14 September 2010):
There's nothing wrong with masturbating per se.But I would agree that looking at porn on a computer (not in the privacy of his own room either, I guess?) is not right for his age. When he is older, however, I personally do not thin that there is a problem if he wants to masturbate to porn.I think it is important that your son is not under the impression that masturbation is wrong. It's natural and healthy at his age. However, he needs to understand that it should be done in private where other people cannot walk in on him. Do you think you could have words with him to that effect? Eleven is NOT too young for masturbation, but for porn, yes. Have a quick word with him and just let him know he needs to keep it to himself. I think it would be really sad, and wrong, if he was to believe that masturbation is bad. It isn't, but only when it's done in the right place.
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