A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Somebody please talk me out of cheating.I am married with kids ( marriage has become a little boring , rutine and very predictable), but I'm craving that excitement of the affairs. I know for sure I WILL NOT get caught ever, and I am sure I WILL NOT feel guilty, but I feel like I will lose my attraction to my husband and my family unit will not be the same ( not guilt though!).I have been thinking and overthinking, and I feel like being drawn by a magnet ( I have a couple of offers from coworkers), no matter how much I reason and I have read on purpose scare scenarios.
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male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 I don't get it, you are sure that you WILL NOT get caught ever, and are sure that you WILL NOT feel guilty.
??
Then why do you ask the question?
It seems that your mind is already made up for you. You know exactly what you want, you have several offers from colleagues, so just go ahead do it and don't bother us with such useless questions.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Hi, I am a married man who recently in the last week ending a relationship with a married woman. We both have two children each with our partners. We were both very good friends work colleagues and for 6 years. One day in December 2010 we went to a party and I told her how I felt about her. This soon developed into a full blown relationship and today 18.06.2011 I was due to move in with her. Unfortunately last Saturday my wife wife became a nervous wreck and I had massive guilt issues that I couldn't cope with. I consequently I couldn't leave my wife the way she was and was forced to stay with her a leave my senior position at work. I am now unemployed and living in a relationship with someone I care deeply about but I am not sure that I still love her. I can tell you the pain that this has caused has destroyed me and my family and her and her family. It feels fantastic when you are doing it all but if you truly cant leave in the end or your not prepared for that then don't for god sake (and your sake) do it. Think very carefully. I am a very rational man and normally very cleaver and quick thinking. In this case I was stupid. Don't be stupid!!! She may be lovely or he may lovely but if your not prepared to lose everything its clearly not worth it.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 how can you be so sure you won't get caught though?? i sympathise with the boredom factor i really do, but if you can state that you !won't feel guilty! then i really think you don't deserve to married with a family, so maybe you might be better leaving your husband - whether you have an affair or not
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A
female
reader, badlyhurt  +, writes (15 June 2011):
Pl don't even think abt it. My hb cheated on me only online and things went so horribly wrong that i feel my marriage is on the verge of breaking up.u can read my question posted on 7th april to get an idea of the trauma and loss of self esteem your partner would go through. The kids have lost all respect for him(and they used to really adore him) and he has lost all authority to be the strict disciplinarian that he once was with them.believe me, you will regret it all your life.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 June 2011):
 People can be so very selfish and so very self-serving, which makes this post very sad...very, very sad.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 June 2011):
 You will get caught even if you say you won't you will manage to set it up to happen without even knowing you are doing that.
and you already feel guilty or you would not be asking to be stopped..
I didn't want to cheat so I had an "open" affair. I never thought my marriage would end... I never had a reason to feel guilty as I was not cheating or lying. I still felt horrible and my marriage that I wanted to save is over and I'm much happier now...
Personally the emotional stress of an affair and the lying that goes with it would not be worth it to me.
your kids will pick up on it.
either try counseling either yourself or with your spouse or both.... or end the marriage if you are that unhappy.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue +, writes (14 June 2011):
 To the OP, in my understanding of your post, it does seem like cheating is like an act that answers your problems towards an unfulfilled marriage. Believe me, it does seem so tempting to do that as it seems to present a lot of adventures and thrill but this will never equal to the hurt and pain you will bring to your family and upon yourself. I understand you are saying that you are not guilty of it, right now, yes. But once you are in the game, the moment your lies start and your affair will involve emotions, you will see what very difficult situation you have gotten yourself into. It is so difficult it cannot ever equal the excitement or pleasure the cheating has brought you. The price is too high.
I have never met someone who said that they cheated and it made them happier and a fulfilled person. Cheating demoralizes people. Everyone who cheated had their lives ruined before their eyes and even worst is that it also ruined their spouses life and their children's life to the extent of affecting everyone close to them in their community. Be it relatives or neighbors.
If you have a problem with your husband which may not be repaired by any counselling or confrontation with your husband, ask for a divorce. Divorce is also painful at least you do it legally and properly. Cheating will make people look down on you and totally ruin your reputation.
And please, for every urge to cheat, always always think of it's consequences to you. The consequences are too painful, it is not even worth your thought at all to be honest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I think your desperate feeling isn't a sign that you should consider having affairs, but that you should consider divorcing your husband and then you can do whatever you want.
I think you do feel guilty, otherwise why haven't you already gone ahead and done it? why instead are you on here asking people to talk you out of it? it's because you know it's wrong. If you felt no guilt, then you wouldn't be holding back now. In fact if you really felt no guilt, you would have told your husband that you're thinking of doing it. But you haven't, and you're on here asking to be talked out of it. So I think that shows you do feel guilty. So that should be reason enough for you not to go through with it
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (14 June 2011):
 You won't feel guilty? Can I ask how you were married? What vows you took?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011):
You will get caught and you will probably feel guilty when you are. Your kids will probably hate you, too.
Work on your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Talk to your husband. Maybe he feels just as bored with your sexlife as you do.
Take some time to reflect on what your own personal morals are. Your vows to your husband.
Also ask yourself this, is your libido more important then your family? If that is a yes, then why no get a divorce? Be single... screw around as much as your heart desire.
Cheating never solves any problems. And I'm willing to bet you know this.
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A
male
reader, mbill48 +, writes (14 June 2011):
So it sounds like both gals need help.
I'm not sure what you need.
Here is my story.
I'm a single guy that has been having an affair with a married gal for more than a year. It is killing both of us
The promblem Is that I know it will get worse before or if it gets better.
Fell free to contact me if you would like more info on what what you will happen to both of you and the guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Hey. So here's my advise. If you love ur children and things with ur husband have become bland and you've tried everything and ur unhappy with him. Still don't cheat on him. Leave him. Cheating always makes things worse, and there are never any good reasons to...ever. Just take a deep breath and step back and look at it like this. If you explain to ur husband about how things have become bland, and he agrees, suggest a divorce. If you two break up on mutual terms, then there is less drama, your children wont be quite so upset, and it'll be better in the long run. If he wants to work things out, then tell him what you want, or he might lose you. You'll be surprized. if he loves you he'll try to figure something out. Never cheat, if you do, he will get angry, divorce you, and take the children. Adultry is frowned upon in court. Hope this helps. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for sharing.I have tried EVERYTHING to change( improve/spice) my marriage but now I think it will never change. I keep reding scary outcomes of cheating on forums, and I think to cool down for a day or two but then again it is all I'm thinking.So I stopped reading anymore.It's like I'm possesed by one thought and desire, and I can't listen to my brain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I cannot offer you any advice because I am also thinking about doing it. I am right on the edge. Married with kids, too. But the attraction to this man is incredibly overwhelming. So maybe I need to be talked out of it, too!!!!
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