A
female
age
36-40,
*indingitharder
writes:I have two specific friends who believe that my boyfriend is "controlling" because he told me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who smokes pot. this is fine with me because it is not something that i am attached to so im not doing it, but my friends never fail to tell me that because of this i "have changed" and that "i am being controlled" and that "there is no reason as to why he should hold anything of that sort against me". note:i have other friends who i have known longer than these two and they don't believe what the two believe.allow me to be non specific, but if someone had a huge problem, and then overcame it, and because of this they don't want to be around it or be involved with people who do the sort of things they had successfully overcome and put behind them, it is so terrible for them to straight up tell a person if they are involved with it, than they can't be in a healthy loving relationship with them?and for the person who does love them, is it that terrible to listen, and not do the "past problem"?i cannot seem to get my friends to understand that i am not being controlled, that i am making a decision for myself and for my relationship because this relationship is and will go somewhere wonderful. and in a relationship there are obstacles, and there are things that you give up for someone you love, and there are things your other gives up for you; a relationship is a team and they must work together.please help! what do you think?
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female
reader, little miss helpful  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 first of all it is them that is being controlled by drugs and can i just say well done for not giving into per pressure.
you havent changed at all they could be jelous cause they cant stop maybe?
your boyfriend isnt controlling he is just looking out for you.
your others friends say you havent changed so belive them if you had changed everyone would have noticed it and would of said something.
your just growing up thats all your not acting like a stuid teenager thinking geting stoned is great you want more like a relationship etc.
dont listen to them they cant be great mates if there acting like that can they?
hope i could help
take care hun
A
female
reader, findingitharder +, writes (18 September 2007):
findingitharder is verified as being by the original poster of the question ah, thanks for all the replies! I felt that I knew that I wasn't being controlled, & I had friends who told me, but these are people who might not be 100% truthful because of the real answer. I'm very happy to hear that, to people who don't know me personally, I am not being controlled & that it looks like I have a wonderful man who cares about me.
I don't want to lose these friends though, that's the problem. weve been friends for a good while, and this whole controlling issue only came up a month ago, 8 months into me and my boyfriends relationship & I haven't been smoking for a long while. its just weird, I just don't know how they come to conclude that "I'm being controlled" and that "I've changed".
its a possibility they're upset for losing a smoking buddy, but it never happened that often anyway. idk, but thank you so much for your answers! if you have anymore answers let me know! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I admire you for giving up the follies of youth to enter into an equal relationship with a deserving partner, he sounds like he makes you want to be a better person, and as for your so called pot smoking friends, just tell them you prefer your boyfriend over pot any day and to get off your back about it, that they are the ones trying to guilt you back into hanging out, and vegging out and wasting your days sitting around in a fog of pot induced haze....those days are over for you and good riddance!
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A
female
reader, brokenshadow +, writes (18 September 2007):
 You're so-called friends sound like losers. Enjoy your boyfriend and feel sorry for them :)
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Your "friends" are addicts and will say whatever they can to keep you in the same addiction. Drop them.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (18 September 2007):
I regularly say in my posts you become the books that you read and become the people you hang around with. You have got yourself what sounds to be a pretty decent bloke here who wants the best for you. You have also got your so called friends who are trying to pull you back into their pot-head junkie world. You have decided to improve yourself and by the sound of it have managed to do this most successfully. There is only one thing left for you to do - ditch the pot-head junkies that call themselves your friends. They are dragging you down and will not stop untill you are back in the gutter with them.With this turn around you will find yourself a much better class of friends with a more positive outlook on life. It sounds as if you have made a lot of right decisions to bring you up to where you are today and a few more right decisions will make your life just about perfect. I think you know what you have to do now.
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A
male
reader, ogga +, writes (17 September 2007):
I think you know the answer already. you arent being controlled. These friends are trying to control you for whatever reason if anything. Your boyfriend is perfectly reasonably to say he doesnt want to be with somebody who does drugs. But it should be your decision not his, which obviously this was.... but i think even if we was controllling you (which i dont think he was, i just think he's a nice, normal bloke) he would be doing it for the right reason....its notlike he would be making you smoke pot.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Well, first though is. Are those two friends your former smoke buddies? It's good that you've stopped smoking, your boyfriend seems to be pushing you in a positive direction. It would be better to look at other behaviors: Does he hell? Belittle you? Force you to do things you don't want to, physically or verbally? As I said before, if those two friends were just around to get doped up, then they're probably not good friends!
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A
female
reader, Kasekuchen +, writes (17 September 2007):
I don't think its unreasonable for your boyfriend to want to be in a drug-free relationship (even if it is just pot and especially since you didn't mind giving it up). It sounds to me like your friends feel like they've lost a "smoking buddy." I wouldn't worry yourself about it - they're over reacting!
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