A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright.I'm 24 and I've been dating a guy (26) for a little over a month. I like where things are going with him but am a little uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping with him just yet... it hasn't been proposed but let's face it, it's on his mind and mine as well. Our physical relationship started really slow, closed mouth kisses on the lips... then open mouth kisses... then french kisses... all within the first month of seeing each other. Most recently we've been making out on his couch and twice in the last week it's become hot and heavy with the kissing, but still no touching. He leans in on me so that I am laying on the couch, but no grinding or anything like that. He's touched my breast once =PI want to go further but I'd like it to be slow. So what comes next? I don't want to jump right into sex so do we start using our hands next? and then after that oral? Do people even take these steps before having sex anymore? and are they still enough before sex? I understand that things will progress the way they will and that everyone is different yada yada... but I also would like to prolong the time before sex!OH! and if I were to feel him down there would most guys expect that to lead to sex and if it didn't would they be satisfied with a hand/bj?
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male
reader, Dataluke  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 I support your decision to take it slowly, very few people do anymore and its good that you are.
Not everyone takes steps like that but its really what ever feels comfortable, go with what you feel.
If it feels like its leading to hands then let it go there, if it feels like its going to oral then let it. There's no specific order that things should go in so don't be worried about sticking to a rigid pattern.
If your man respects that you want to take things slow then he will be more than happy about a hand/blow job.
I hope this answers your question.
All the best, Dataluke
A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (4 February 2011):
 Babe, romance is not a 1,2,3 step program. You both are adults. Do what you both are comfortable doing. if you are not ready for sex, then dont go there. Using your hands will only make him feel that you are teasing him. Keep everthing above the waist if you are not ready to excercise anything below the waist.
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A
female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (4 February 2011):
I think you might be over thinking this. In some ways you may just want to listen to your body and take cues from that. These things aren't always meant to be so planned out. To more fully answer your direct question, I would suggest sensual touching that isn't necessarily sexual as a means to lead slowly into touching that is more sensual, ie. give him a back massage. Let him give you a back massage, see what that leads to. If you are this concerned maybe having a conversation would be the right thing to do and just tell him you want to move slowly but are ready to take another step forward, ie. shedding your tops, perhaps and then gradually getting into some bellow the belt touching. From my experience, touching a guy bellow the belt and then not moving into a hand job or blow job can be a bit harsh for the guy. Essentially you would be getting him hard and then blue-balling him by holding out after. If you talk to him about it, he may have a better chance to control himself so he doesn't get totally blue balled and think you are a tease. Just let him know that taking it slow is going to make each act that much more intense and meaningful, If he's held out this long, chances are he is a pretty respectful guy in regards to sex.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (4 February 2011):
Do not do all that. Just wait until you are ready to have sex to let him touch you inside your pants. You will be looked at like a tease. Just don't let it get that far until you are ready for that. You night as well have sex if you are going to do oral. That just seems weird. So stick to the kissing for now. And when you are ready then have sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): Hey,
I'd say first of all, don't worry about what "everyone else" is doing. Do what you feel is right.
It's important to balance out your physical-time with time spent out doing stuff, talking, bonding. That's the best way to not have the physical stuff feel like it's coming too fast, I find.
Once you "break the seal" and go below the belt, it can feel awkward after a while not to move onto sex - there's a "plateau" between oral sex and sex-sex which you don't want to drag too long. so I'd say don't have oral sex until you're feeling like you're really close to being ready to have sex-sex. but that's just me.
& He will be "satisfied" with just a hand job or blow job, I mean no guy's gonna argue with that! And if he pressures you for more before you're ready, seriously f*ck that guy. You really really don't want a guy who pressures you sexually, it's a terrible sign about character. There ARE guys who will let you go as slow as you please and not pressure you a bit. I have the fortune to be dating one now so I know! :)
Good luck, don't be afraid to ask for what you want and don't let anyone pressure you! xo
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A
male
reader, Mr.Joe +, writes (4 February 2011):
 First of all you should talk to him about the dilemma your having. Otherwise, don't do anything your not comfortable with. Doing oral is a slow safe step, he more than likely would be satisfied with a bj/handjob.It should be about doing something special together, not just climaxing as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 i think if you ar comfortable with satisfying him with your hand or mouth, that is ok, just make sure that he understands that it will go no further than that. you need to actually talk to him about this, do not do it while you are in the middle of making out, because you will hurt his feelings. but while you are just spending time together, make yourself known, if he is a keeper, he will understand. just dont try to do this without talking to him first, men are not mind readers, heck they dont even read hints very well! the best thing for both of you is to talk it out before it goes any further.
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