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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm single and have no problem with it, except people (family/friends) constantly ask if I'm dating anyone. Some friends of mine, who are married, asked if I was seeing anyone. When I said no, they then asked jokingly if I was a lesbian. This has happened more than once and I usually just brush it off, but it's annoying. On the flip side, if I were dating 10 guys they'd be calling me a tramp. So it's either you're a lesbian or you're a floozy. At this point in my life, I'm just trying to figure myself out, find a full-time job and figure out what I want to do in life. Dating a guy isn't going to solve that. It might shut people up, but it won't help me come any closer to figuring myself out. I'm single, by choice, and happy with it- why can't they be?What do I say to people who make these remarks? Why is it bad to be single?
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male
reader, oneguy  +, writes (3 June 2011):
spinnaker,
I want your dentist's name, phone number, address, everything. He/She's gonna be my new dentist!! :)
To the questioner -
I just think the people around you love you and care about you enough that they just want to see you find a good man to spend the rest of your life with.. I really don't think they're trying to insult you or put you down or curb your freedom or anything.. but I do understand your view of things - however, you must not ignore the fact that women are unfortunately wired differently biologically :( And hence they should probably pay more attention to enjoying this other aspect of life as well..
But trust me, I totally understand your need to get a good full time job first and stand on your own two feet. I really wish and pray that that happens quickly for you and you gain enough confidence and relaxation so that you can turn your attention towards personal life as well. All the best Miss!
Cheers!
Regards,
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Personally, if someone was rude enough to ask me if I was a lesbian when my answer to the are you dating anyone would be an angry retort, something a long the lines of "no, I'm not a lesbian and if I wanted any sh%t, I'd squeeze your head so shut up". Or I would preempt the whole thing by saying, I date men, but I don't see how it's any of your business, I'm single..and then change the subject...you don't owe your envious married friends an explanation. Many newly married men are afraid as a single woman, you'll influence their wives to get into trouble as if they still wish to be single. So don't play like you are a big swinger, just a woman choosing career over settling down for the time being. Don't let small minded people and their comments shake your confidence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Just tonight I had to preface an invitation, with "I am not dating" It does get old. I don't blame you for being annoyed. I took myself off the market to recover from some heartbreak.
Just roll with it and stand your ground. I think people feel a little jealous of the freedom single people have sometimes.
Being single does have its advantages.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (3 June 2011):
 There is an overall pressure to be with someone - then the people you know bug you about that.
Being single is not a bad thing but the chop-busting can get bothersome. I have always considered it a veiled compliment - at least people I know that see my life in context realize I have some redeeming qualities.
Tell me if you think this is bad: My dentist is even trying to set me up with people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): "What do I say to people who make these remarks?"
You tell them you're taking a raincheck on dating to sort out your life. That's the truth and it's fair enough.
"Why is it bad to be single?"
That's just the way it is OP, we live in a society that pities single women. Because we're told from birth that women need a man to serve and they need romance, we're raised to believe that women need a man. People think there's something wrong with women that don't want those things, they must be lonely and incomplete.
Guys never say that kind of stuff to me when I'm single, but my mother and female friends used to always question me on that.
Just get used to it OP, you can't change it. Women who are single "must" be desperate, lonely and incomplete. It's funny as hell actually because I have a female friend who has been single the past year. She got out of a bad relationship and is absolutely loving being free and single. She doesn't want a guy until she has some things done but her friends are always trying to set her up with guys, asking her why she hasn't got one etc.
That's just the world we live in OP, single women are just pitied and look upon as lonely, desperate and incomplete. Girls that like being single are seen as the ones who are just unable to find a man because most women do really feel lonely, desperate and incomplete when they're single. The women asking you about it are probably exactly that kind of woman that just can't live their life without a man.
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A
female
reader, kylieekristina +, writes (3 June 2011):
 It's not bad to be single, especially at your age. Its actually one of the smartest moves in my opinion. Your right about needing to learn who you are right now, focus on yourself. The people that are harping you about being single may be a little jealous that your comfortable being alone and they probally envy that about you. I wouldn't worry about what to say....because it doesn't matter what they think. At the end of the day all that matters is that you are happy with your life right now. You have plenty of time to meet men and let them screw your head up lol enjoy learning yourself just as your doing and ignore the people asking questions.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 First of all...it is not bad to be single...absolutely nothing is wrong with being single....heck I am 33 and single...and been that way for a number of years by choice. What I tell people when they ask me...how come I am single etc...I just let them know that I quite enjoy spending time on my own and I don't need a man to make me feel happy or fulfilled. Unfortunately some women do.Or I just tell them that being single is the reason that I don't have wrinkles or look stressed out = DDon't feel bad about it...enjoy your life hun...there are alot of hooked up or married people that wish they were single.Be Blessed
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
 "Yes, I'm a lesbian and I'm dating the entire swim team from the island of Lesbos. Oh wait, no, I've decided to become a nun but I can't give up my cosmetics habit for the other kind of habit. Just kidding. No, actually, I'm subbing for the fluffer on the porno flicks in the hopes of meeting my next boyfriend. JOKING."
"You might have noticed that I'm making silly jokes about this. I guess the bottom line is that I'm single, by choice and perfectly happy with it. I wish you could be happy for me too."
Don't take it so much to heart. People might assume you aren't as happy as you say you are.
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