A
female
age
41-50,
*lp
writes:Long story.I have been with my bf for 11 years now.We have 2 children, beautiful and healthy, lights of my life.Our relationship has never been ideal, I have my flaws, and he has his.But in the past 3 years things have happened that have little by little amounted to me realizing that he is and will always be a very self serving individual.He is constantly scoldin our children and everything seems to be to hard for him. For the past 2 years I have been in school full time and then I drive a taxi during the night on weekends. He has been in school for the past year but did not feel that he could work!So I have been grinding my self to the bone.About 9 months ago I met a man. Nothing about this man should attract me, he is short, stout, broke, recovering alcoholic etc etc.But when I am near him my soul feels at ease.I have not done anything with him and we have been good friends for this whole time. But about 2 weeks ago I decided to leave my bf, and after my mind was made up, I kissed my unlikely love interest, and again, and again. It went no further and after about 4 days, he told me that his sponsor had told him of, and that he had to back out.I did not dare ask if he had any interest in perhaps going on a date once I had finished working out my situation, which will probably be resolved in about 1-3 weeks time.But now I find my self aching for him.I can't stop thinking about him, and I so long for him.I do not want to loose his friendship if he indeed doesn't want anything to do with me romanticly.Am I just obsessing ? Or may there be something to this.What to do, what to do.
View related questions:
alcoholic Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlp +, writes (27 September 2010):
hlp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate.So I am now divorcing. My bf was not happy at all, but I tried to give him space to air his feelings, and had set up an appointment with our therapist the day after I talked to him.It has now been 6 days and so far we are doing things calmly and lovingly.Sadly he does not have any support system, so I am supporting him through this very hard time.Seems kind of odd maybe, but if I can get him and us through this with him not getting bitter or hate-full, then I win.He has already found an apartment that is excelent, the kids will have their own room there.We are working out the finances, and that was rather painless.He basicly gets to take what he wants of the furniture, I honestly don't care about it, and I will have no problem finding some used furniture that will do just fine.I am still aching for my friend. I have not and will not act on it. I am going to let him set the tone.So there, things are moving in the right, but painfull direction.To Jimrich.".Get into some kind of family counseling to stop the abuse of your children! Your kids can see quite clearly that their parents are SICK! That is child abuse!!!!"Dear me ! Abuse is a strong word !I happen to have two wonderfull well adjusted children, their father is a nitpicker and scolds them, but that does not amount to abuse my friend.As for sick parents, well these sick parents are now going through a painful and emotional divorce and still giving each other support. Yep we are very sick people.There is a saying that goes well with our reply" Tread lightly, for you tread on my soul "Best and kind wishes to you.And to all of you that replied.Thank you for helping me put things into perspective ;)
A
male
reader, jimrich  +, writes (19 September 2010):
re: Am I just obsessing ?
... Yes!
FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS who are being damaged the most by their very bad parental role models!
Do whatever it takes to make sure your kids have good, responsible (not obsessive) parental role models so they can grow up free of obsessive conditioning and destructive behaviors.
Kids need and deserve the best parental role models you can give them!
re: He is constantly scoldin our children
....Get into some kind of family counseling to stop the abuse of your children! Your kids can see quite clearly that their parents are SICK! That is child abuse!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, dijoyful  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Hi sweetie, i feel that your putting all your anxiety from leaving your relationship onto this new man. It is very scary the thought of being on your own, no matter how bad your relationship was. Try to keep this in perspective, you are very emotional at the moment, keep this new man as a friend as we all need friends at these times, but dont put all your hopes and expectations into him as this will lead you to more heartache. Time is what you need to find who you are and what you really want from your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 You have nothing to worry about. You are simply recovering from a bad relationship and you want someone better than your old boyfriend. Just see how things go and if he does not feel that way about you then accept his friendship and try to move on.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
