A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been messing around w/old fling who has a girlfriend. Come to find out, she is a really good woman. I feel horrible, should I tell her?I am 27 and we've have had little flings since my senior year in high school. He has always been a dogg... which is why he has always been kept neatly in my "not serious, protect yourself from him" drawer... lol... but now... he is with a really good woman and I feel bad for her... that she is with him and probably thinks hes a good guy... cause he puts on a good show.... but I know the truth and I feel like I should tell her what a dogg he is...Mind you... I have told him I wasn't cool with this and he just keeps trying to come at me... I would want to know if my man was cheating on me... wouldn't you?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (16 March 2013):
Just cut all contact with this guy (block his phone/fb/e-mail) and send her a letter explaining everything. Then it's up to her whether she wants to continue or not. That's what I would do in your situation. It may blow up in your face, but then you do carry part of the blame, so take it in stride if that happens.
And remember, treat others the way you want to be treated yourself. That's the only way to live with dignity.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): What are you trying to gain from exposing this guy for what he's been doing? You said you don't want this man for yourself because its clear to see he can't be trusted to be faithful, and I don't think you would be naïve enough to think you'll gain a good friend in this woman by telling her that her man has been cheating.
In her eyes you'll be just as bad as him. Thing is, there's always a chance she'll forgive him because she loves him, that makes you the unwanted interference.
The only thing you'll gain from this is giving yourself a bad name.
A guilt free conscience by putting her in the know? Would you not feel guilty knowing that you've just walked away from a situation scot free that you at one point was just as happy to indulge in, leaving world war 3 going on between them?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Send her an anonymous letter and tell her everything. She has the right to know.
And I also think it would be in everyone's best interest if you left him alone.
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A
female
reader, Seabreezes +, writes (15 February 2013):
If you were able to uncover his 'dogginess," then surely this good woman will eventually come to the same realizations. Dodgy men eventually get caught, let her figure it out for herself. If I were the 'good woman', you, as the mistress, would hold no credibility, anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): yes tell her, even tho is goanna hurt her but after she will thank you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Bit of a hypocritical thing to do, cheat with a woman's "doggg" of a boyfriend, then act like the saint and tell her she's going out with a no good cheat. If he's a dog and a cheat, may I ask what that makes you for the record?
Anyway, so I take it you wanna end this once and for all since you're planning to blow the whistle? If so, why not just walk in the other direction rather than insist on causing a boat load of misery and grief between them? Unless you wanna just destroy everything for some sick self satisfaction. Other than that, you won't gain anything from telling her.
You kept this a secret from the start, so do the decent thing and just walk away, leave them to it. She'll find out for herself sooner or later because cheats always get found out in the end.
Even though people who engage in unfaithful behaviour from the outside of a relationship deserve a label too ('Home wreckers'), if you don't want one then i think you should leave it alone.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
While she has the right to know it shouldn't come from you. As stated she is probably not going to react the way you would expect her to. Not to mention his reaction....
Some people sort of have a "don't ask don't tell" policy with their S. O.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I agree with no nonsense Aidan… if you really felt bad about how he was treating her, you would not be messing around with him. IF You did it before you knew about her and stopped as soon as you found out, then I will forgive you.
But if he’s such a dog why do you put yourself at risk to be with him?
I will tell you point blank that when I found my ex husband cheating I would contact the women he was cheating with an introduce myself as his wife… come to find out he’s lying to them that we were miserable and I was a total bitch and they did not want to hear the truth.
She won’t want to hear it from you probably since you have a history with him and if he’s got her blinded by his faux good behavior she will blame it on you and say you want him.
Stay away from him and stay out of his business.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 February 2013):
Say nothing. The best thing you can do is just end it for your own sake, rather than for her or anyone else. It would humiliate her beyond belief if you, the 'other woman', appeared and told her what had been happening between you. Apart from anything else, there's a good chance that she'd just blame you and overlook what he has done.
The more important thing here is why you are seeing him? And why are you? Seems to me that you need to address whatever draws you to this guy, rather than anything else.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (14 February 2013):
If you really felt that sorry for her you’d stop “messing around” with her boyfriend and stay out of their relationship. You’re full of excuses: he keeps trying to come at you? Well have you never heard of the word no? Why should he believe you’re not “cool with this” if your actions don’t match with your words? Talk is cheap! And whilst you cast judgement on him, you’re allowing him to cheat, which makes your own standards equally abysmal. So, what should you do? Cut him out of your life and have nothing to do with him or his girlfriend.
I wish you all the very best.
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