A
female
age
41-50,
*cademic_moss
writes:My boyfriend, of 2.5 years, has basically had enough of my drama and won't even reply to my texts now. I've been super jealous and insecure and am constantly accusing him of cheating on me without reason. 90% of things I think I'm right about he proves me wrong, and yet I still accuse him and it's pushed him away from me. I bitched at him nonstop, broke up with him at least once a week when I'd get a negative thought in my head. I over-analyzed every situation, every comment, everything. He couldn't even have a conversation with me because if it mentioned another woman I'd start a fight thinking he wanted her, or asking why he was worried about her. It got so bad that I even accused him of having an emotional affair with a chick (stranger) he has on xbox, even though the only contact he has with her is when he plays a game with her (and other guys at the same time) as part of an online gaming community. I've went completely crazy. He couldn't have sex with me 'cause I'd start asking who he was turned on by, and who he was thinking about. I need help, I know. Him not talking to me now has made me realize how much I really do love him and how crazy I am. He's not perfect by no means but I am the one that's really ruined us. I've been texting him since the weekend and he's basically ignoring me. He won't message me on xbox, facebook and he won't reply to my text messages. He has 4 different ways he could get in contact with me but he won't. The last time he told me he loved me was 9 days ago, and I ignored it because I was thinking negatively. Now I wish I'd not taken it for granted. The last thing he said to me was yesterday and it was that he's tired of my crap. He's tired of me breaking up with him and getting back together and accusing him nonstop of him doing things when he isn't. Then last night he messaged me on xbox after his gaming class and told me he'd come back online and play with me... but he didn't show up. I text him later last night that I was going to bed and asked if he'd send me a voice text telling me goodnight and he ignored it. I love this man so much and I know this is MY issue that I need to work on... but I want him back. He still has me on facebook and xbox, so I still have hope. Other than saying he's tired of it and ignoring my texts, he hasn't actually said he doesn't love me anymore and that he's moving on with his life. I just feel like he is because he's not contacting me. He also said yesterday that when he does contact me it's a bitchfest, that if he texts me an "i love you" that he sits there for hours on end listening to me rant and rave. Anyway, I text him this morning wishing him a happy vday and he hasn't replied. I also text him telling him I'm sorry and how much I love him, and nothing. I even basically told him goodbye and he hasn't responded... no it isn't because he's too busy to do so. He's ignoring me. I want another chance with him. What can I do? I don't think he has someone else or I really believe he'd delete me from social networking sites.. but I do believe he's tired of me and my drama. Please help me get him back and show him I can do better.
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male
reader, human_male  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 The reason he is ignoring you is because he knows if he gives you another chance it will be the same old shit again. There are plenty of girls out there who won't act like that so he's moved on.
I think a relationship, either with him or someone else is the last thing you need right now because you have serious issues that you need to sort out first. Talk to a therapist or you will be doomed to repeat this over and over.
A
female
reader, academic_moss +, writes (15 February 2013):
academic_moss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't heard anything since his valentine text last night, but I didn't reply back so that's to be expected. What move should I make now? I'm afraid if I text him something back he won't reply and I'm afraid if I don't reply with something he'll think I'm ignoring him, which he hates. He left on the 2nd to go to NC (which is 5 hours away from me) to stay with his sister for a few weeks for a new job doing carpentry/construction work and such, and from what I've been told the guy he's working for makes him work his ass off. I understand he won't be able to contact me 24/7 but I also feel like his text last night was just a reassurance text, just to make sure I'm still hanging on. I'm really confused. If someone can give me some insight as to what to do from this point seeing as how he made seemingly positive contact last night, or if you can read something in his text that I'm missing I'd really appreciate it. Thanks everyone for reading and commenting!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): You need to get into therapy to learn how to control yourself so you don't abuse your next boyfriend too.
But for this guy, you need to accept that it is over. You are the one who ended this relationship, not him. You want him back? Well he wanted to not be treated like crap but it didn't happen, did it. So why should you get what you want? It shows you don't love him or care about him, you're only thinking of yourself. He knows this.
Do not hang onto him. His mixed signals to you don't mean anything. It might not even be him who sent you that latest message it could be him and his friends messing with you to get revenge on you for all the crap you did to him. Maybe he feels now it is his turn to mess with your mind.
Once someone has broken up with you, even if you get back there is a stronger than average chance they will leave again and permanently this time. Just do yourself and him a favor and let him go. Then do whatever you need to do to not abuse your next boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 February 2013):
Him not wanting you to get with another man doesn't mean he wants to be with you, fyi. I've been on both sides of that coin.
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A
female
reader, academic_moss +, writes (15 February 2013):
academic_moss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe just contacted me and said "happy valentines day my sexy woman. i love and miss you with all my heart. i just got home. jumping in the shower." Even though this is a positive I'm afraid to say anything back in fear that he'll become distant again.
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A
female
reader, academic_moss +, writes (14 February 2013):
academic_moss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, but at the same time he contacts me when he thinks I'm going to finally move on to someone else. He's ignoring me now, and has this week, but he saw something yesterday (innocent) and made first contact by text freaking out that I was going to get with another man. So, he's sending me mixed signals right now as well. It's obvious from his freak out yesterday that he still cares and clearly doesn't want me with someone else but he's pushing me away as well. Like I said, I don't know which direction to take.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
So when he was with you, you always thought there was someone else, but now that your relationship is just about over you don't think there is anyone?
Look, as much as you like the guy you're not ready for a relationship. You have to change or there is no point; he'll just be miserable again.
Why don't you send him one LAST text (there is no point in being annoying, he knows where to find you). Tell him you've done a lot of thinking and realized what a difficult person you've been and that he doesn't deserve it. Tell him you're going to work on figuring out why you are this way and doing whatever you can to change it and that in the mean time you hope to remain friends.
Then go see a psychiatrist or you'll push people away for the rest of your life. I wouldn't be able to last 10 minutes with someone who acts that way. This guy must have had the patience of the a Buddhist monk.
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A
female
reader, academic_moss +, writes (14 February 2013):
academic_moss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't really know which direction to take now. I'm so confused as to what to do, or how to even begin once figuring it out. I've never been this way in past relationships, I've also never been in love with any of them, either. It took 30 years for me to fall head over heels in love with someone and I think maybe this has something to do with it. It's like I'm so in love with him that I make a big deal out of everything. It wasn't like this the first year we were together but the more feelings I developed for him the worse I become. If we're in a room together and I see him looking at me I instantly get defensive and say "what?". It's like my mind has now went psycho with jealousy and insecurity that I've never dealt with before. I'm not sure what's going on. About 3 weeks ago he'd left his phone laying and I jumped on the opportunity to look through it (i'd only done so 3 times in 2.5 years) and found absolutely NOTHING! No new, or strange contacts. No weird nor suspicious messages.. absolutely nothing! And then a week later I turn around and accuse him of talking to some chick that he mentioned his friend was friends with. I've gone nuts, I really have. I've put him through misery. He probably won't come back to me but I hope he does. I love him!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): "Other than saying he's tired of it and ignoring my texts, he hasn't actually said he doesn't love me anymore and that he's moving on with his life. I just feel like he is because he's not contacting me."You're absolutely 100% correct. He hasn't bothered to tell you he doesn't love you because he knows you simply refuse to take "no" for an answer. He's doing his damnedest to move on and forget you, but how can he dump you when you won't go away?"I want another chance with him. What can I do?"Nothing. He doesn't want to give you another chance. "I don't think he has someone else or I really believe he'd delete me from social networking sites.. but I do believe he's tired of me and my drama."Exactly why there's nothing you can do. By texting him on Valentine's Day to tell him that you're sorry and you love him when he's actively ignoring you're only subjecting him to more drama of which to be tired. "Please help me get him back and show him I can do better."Again, nothing you can do. Any overture you make towards him after he's essentially told you to get lost only proves that his decision to dump you by omission is the correct one. His continuing silence speaks volumes. For your sake, and his, please listen to what he's telling you at ear-shattering volume.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Work on yourself before you work on getting a relationship back. If you feel that you were the kind of person that was overly jealous and insecure, because of something that was totally on you, it is important to fix the problem, you, first.If he takes you back and you don't fix yourself first, on a subconscious level, all you are going to do is end up doing the same thing over and over again, because you made no compromise. You did not bring something of value to the table. What sacrifice is he making you might ask? The sacrifice that he is making is that he is taking a risk on taking you back and getting caught up in the same annoying jealousy fits. So, what do you sacrifice? What you are going to sacrifice is the time you will have to take to fix yourself by fighting day in and day out against the urge to blame others for you insecurities.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I think you need to concentrate on yourself and why you behave like this. You know your behaviour is unreasonable, which is a good start, but what steps are you prepared to take to address your issues? Would you consider therapy?
I think your boyfriend needs to know that you not only acknowledge that your thoughts and actions have been off key, but that you're also taking steps to improve things. It sounds like words aren't enough anymore.
For the time being, try to leave him alone for a bit and let him think. Don't just text him any old thing for the purpose of a response (like saying "goodbye", especially when it's not your intention to finish it).
I hope it works out with your boyfriend, but even if it doesn't I think you should still seriously consider therapy because these issues will keep coming up in any future relationships.
Good luck, OP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): I think there is nothing you can do. He probably is tired of the way you act. No guy wants to be in a relationship like that, maybe you should just leave him alone. Let him have a break from you and everything you've put him through. Because even if you realized now that you believe him and know he isn't cheating and that he loves you. He probably isn't ready to be back with you and the nonsense.
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