A
female
age
30-35,
*ibra-cat
writes:I'm a 21 y.o who recently met this gorgeous 41 y.o guy in a band when they played live, after we briefly met, i got in touch with him through myspace and he replied saying that he really liked me though he was married. Anyway, a few weeks passed and we ended up at the same party and found out that we have mutual friends in the scene. A few days after that i invited him over to my place where we had a very affectionate time with some sex though we didn't go all the way as he said that's one thing he couldn't do as he's married. I invited him over the following week where we continued the hot passion though when he mentioned that his wife was pregnant with their first child i decided to put an end to the passion. We ended with a v.close affection for each other. He keeps in contact and has romantic feelings about me...He says that he has to support his wife through this time though that's alright with me as i'm not after anything serious... My question is should i stop communication with him even though he wants to continue as friends, we did discuss that they'll always be sexual tension between us...thanx cupid people
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):
I would end all contact with him. He is married and expecting a child and therefore should be left alone. Try to find someone your own age, someone who shares your interests, someone who is not married. If you see this man out on the town walk the other way. Leave him alone, don't speak to him. If he approaches you and tries to speak with you, tell him you simply are not interested in having a relationship with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): Last posting on this female. I TOTALLY support "Cerberus" and what he says, good for him for saying what he feels about this female - Ask for advice, then expect to be told something you don't want to hear. Too many people are afraid of the consequences of other Aunts/Uncles.
This young woman has no integrity at all - She is basically looking for SEX only partners,regardless IF they are married or not, and IF that doesn't tell you something about her general personal make-up, then nothing will.
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (17 September 2010):
yes him having a family especially a kid would make it hard for you to be together. this isnt like high school when everyone steals everyone elses boyfriends and no harm done. this is real life where an innocent child is involved. if he cheats on her and she finds out which chances are she will that kids life will never be the same. theyll split up then the whole custody battle hell probably lose that. then he and his kid will see each other every other weekend, not the life a child should have. but unfortunately many children do. if he wasnt ready to fulfill his marriage vows till the day he died then he shouldnt have gotten married. however like i said before do you want to be the one responsible for all that heartache? you may want him physically but use your head. whats going to happen if you give in?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 "I'm a 21 y.o who recently met this gorgeous 41 y.o guy"..what does the "yo" stand for?
1. Maybe, yo have no honor nor integrity?
2. Or, yo are looking for to cause devastation and hurt to a poor pregnant woman?
3. Possibly, yo are clueless and karma is going to be waiting right around the corner?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): Wow, you really don't care about anyone but yourself do you?
You want a piece of advice stop being a bitch, grow up and stop trying to take another woman's man, it's going to bite in the ass someday. Because what you don't realize is a guy that will cheat on his woman with you is also going to cheat on you just as easily.
I didn't think I'd ever post something like this on this site, I;m usually very careful in what I say or I'll just avoid the question if I think the OP is as horrible a person as you are but you really have no problem breaking up a family do you? You just really couldn't care less about that child or its mother, you're only worried about you. That makes me sick to the stomach and I'll gladly accept the condemnation of the other aunts/uncles for posting an "unhelpful answer" because I'm not going to sit here and let you think that it's okay to do what you're doing.
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A
female
reader, Libra-cat +, writes (17 September 2010):
Libra-cat is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanx everyone, i really like what Sarahrose20 said, yeah it's true what you say about potential future sex encounters and no matter how we would suppress the sexual tension something would give if we were drunk together or alone. The problem is is that both of us share 2 mutual friends that are musicians and without a doubt we'll be crossing paths now and then at gig's or parties. When that
happens both of us would cool it, i am sure.. though yeah with him having a kid soon, that would definately cool things down. I know he really likes me and we have alot in common, we're on the same wavelength and he really lit my fire, yeah it's just he's a family man and does that mean it's game over for us, even in the future?
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A
male
reader, jimrich +, writes (17 September 2010):
It always bothers me when a married person has a child but will not fulfill their marriage VOWS. I feel sorry for the child of such a treacherous CHEAT! Kids deserve respectable, honorable, faithful and mature parental Role Models - NOT ROTTEN LITTLE CHEATS LIKE HIM.Oh well, perhaps the kid will luck out and end up with a better dad some day.re: Should I stay in contact with him, even though he's married?.... Do whatever you feel is right (with that DIRTY LITTLE CHEATER)!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): Look at it this way, use your imagination.Forget the guy's motivations here. Look just at yourself and your actions and how they affect others as well as yourself.You are happily married, more or less, to the man of your dreams, and have a small child, or are pregnant, and another woman, younger or older (age doesn't matter), decides to do what you are doing with this fellow.You get to watch it all, but can't stop it, and can't talk about it to either of them or anyone else, you only get to watch, and remember.Now, how does that feel?Reverse positions, now you are doing what you are doing. How does it feel to do that to someone else? Do you feel better about yourself as a person now?
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 September 2010):
 You are choosing to be a direct threat to his wife and his family. You can justify it any way you want to, but this isn't all about you, it's about your total lack of a moral compass, your lack of values, your lack of conscience. You like using sex to control men. Please get a new hobby and leave married alone. Sure they can be tempted by a hot young thing 20 years younger, but how do you look in the mirror or sleep at night knowing that you are messing with some child's father who he thinks hangs the moon?
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20 +, writes (16 September 2010):
your past together can only lead to more intimate encounters. maybe not today but in a year, even 10 maybe if your friendship lasts that long. there will be a day when he wont be able to stop before sex and it will ruin his marriage. as you have said you are not interested in him on a long term basis so if you do care about him i would leave him alone. if he does cheat on his wife in the futer at least you wont be the one to blame and have it on your consience for the rest of your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): You do know this guy sees you only as a groupie right? An easy lay, one of many he's no doubt had since he started playing music.
If you're happy meaning absolutely nothing to him other than sex and if you don't mind tearing a child's family apart then keep in contact with him. But I don't think you care about that at all.
Personally I don't think you mind who you hurt, so you know what? Why don't you take it to the next level and start blackmailing him to keep seeing you, plenty of people have done that. You could threaten to tell his wife about what happened if he tries to break it off. You're already that kind of person, why not go all the way? Not once did you express regret or remorse for what you are doing, in fact you made the wife seem like nothing more than a hindrance, his reasons for not wanting to continue.
I agree with what the other posters say in theory but you've already shown that you couldn't care less about his wife and child, you just want yours. So you might as well go all the way and tear his family apart.
Now if you think I'm harsh it's because all the other posters have already said this in the nicest possible way but none of them have laid any of the blame on you or even questioned your moral integrity for what you're doing.
They're trying to be nice and tell you to stay away from him because he's a bad guy, well you're the one inviting him to your place, you're the one that knows he's married yet is still trying to get with him and now you're asking whether you should break off contact because you're not sure whether just being friends is enough? Are you for real? You should be breaking off contact because what you're doing is a truly horrible thing, yes he's at fault too but don't think for one second that it's just his responsibility here.
I wasn't serious about the blackmailing thing by the way, you know what you should do already but you haven't done it and the only reason you're asking us now, is to prevent yourself getting hurt. When anyone else would be wondering how they could end it in order not to destroy a family. For you it wasn't a mistake.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): Whether you are looking for something serious or not, doesn't really come in to it, I'm afraid. You are SINGLE and can jump into bed with whom ever you like, when you like, that is your right, but, when what YOU do, has a direct impact on another person, as in this poor woman who is unfortunate enough to be married to, let alone pregnant by this ' boy band wonder ' then YES you should completely vanish from the scene.
As you're not looking for something serious, I'm sure there will be tons of guys up for some ' passion ' without any ties or commitment, but to invite a married man to your home, in the full knowledge he has a wife, regardless of his pathetic " I can't have full sex as I'm married " but his tongue playing tennis with your tonsils and hands over your body is OK???
He has no integrity, any man who behaves like this, is not a man to even consider having a relationship with ( IF you wanted one) and as you don't, and you're not exactly madly and passionately in love with him, stand back, as I say, plenty of guys looking for NO strings FUN!
His wife needs more stability around her than you do, at least until she's had this baby, and she eventually finds out what an integrity lacking excuse for a husband she has.
Jilly
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 September 2010):
Think of yourself as a woman, rather than a piece of meat, which is how is treating you. You can either be second best to a man who will just use you, then go home to his wife. Or you can end it with him and find a better guy. What you do not want is to get a reputation as a homewrecker, because your female friends won't trust you, and men won't be impressed. Find a better guy.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Why would you settle for being second best? This man is married, has told you he has a child on the way, yet you still insist on sticking around as his side dish without asking for more. By no means should you be okay with being involved with a married man. You're a sex object to him, nothing more. Do you really have so little respect for yourself?
You need to realize your own self worth before jumping into a relationship with anyone. Don't settle for half of a man's love.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (16 September 2010):
 No cut all ties, he is married, and is about to become a father, regardless of whether you want anything serious or not, you have to think about your role in destroying a family if she was to find out.
If you dont have any contact, sexual tension aint a problem, and trust me when i say, there isn't just one man out there that you can find that passion with.
He aint a good man either, despite you saying he wont have intercourse and that he is supporting his wife through this time. But he's still cheating on the woman who is carrying his child, who probably feels fat and ugly and all the other things that goes through a pregnant womans mind.
My advice is stay away, cut ties, and find a guy that doesn't need precision planning to see, that gives you that passion, and can finish it off 'traditionally' (lol) and can stay over and get you a cuppa in the morning, rather than have to run home.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (16 September 2010):
How would you feel if you were this guys wife? I'm sure she would want to punch your face out. Treat others as you would like to be treated. It's quite that simple really.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): Yes you should stop communication with him, you have come close already, and the tension is going to come to a head if you carry on. Let him go, not only is he married but there ia a baby on the way too, he is playing a dangerous game and you don't want to end up in the middle of a mess.
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