A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex wants to meet for coffee and a "catch up chat".Do i meet up or stay away ?....We broke up at xmas last year after a 7 month relationship. I did not see her after i found she was cheating with her best friends husband. I truly was in love with her so deep at the time and i wanted to move to the next level and share the rest of our lives together and she did too. She accidently let the secret out when she was drunk. I was absolubtly destraught to find that she was cheating on me and also cheating her best friend. I still think about her from waking up to going back to sleep every day, but i know that i could never trust her and i could never love her in the way that i did. I do still love her very much but i know that our relationship is ruined beyond redemption. I do want to meet and chat but i am also afraid that i will melt into her charm and regret it tommorrow. Do i meet her and make it clear that i do not want to be with her or do i keep away so as not to disturb and mix up all of the emotions that i am trying to live with ?.
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best friend, broke up, drunk, friend's husband, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 Seems like you are on the path of "getting totally over the cow" ! Good for you!
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (28 October 2011):
 Hi,
I am happy for you... You made the right decision. Stay strong, and never look back...
Good luck, hope you find someone that truly deserves you... Best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you. More or less the same advise from all of you. You all helped. I don't need the emotional upset. I have not been able to date for 7 months because of this sociapath and i have missed out of 7 months of life that could have been full of happiness instead of so many mixed thoughts. Hey noraynoray, thanks, i have grown a pair and the text saying that i don't want to meet up with her has been sent. I will not give her the pleasure or knowledge that i have consumed the last 7 months thinking about her. thankyou. X
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A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 I agree with everyone else on here. Forgive and FORGET her. The moment she senses weakness in you she is going to ride your emotions like a bat out of hell. Don't allow her to have a moment of your time. She couldn't respect your relationship then and she won't now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): Why bother with her for a second more? This woman was vile. She cheated on you and her best friend. It means she has no morals, u can never trust her again, and she only cares about herself and no one else.
You have has a unanimous feedback: this woman is not worth your time. She wants to meet and chat? Chat about what? Why/how she betrayed 2 innocent people? How sorry she is? How "it" just happened? How she never meant to hurt u (and her bff). That it was just sex ? That it didn't mean anything? How she truly and only loves/d you? That she has changed? That she has now learnt from her mistake? Endless list right?
U need to be kind to yourself and not allow a toxic person into your life again. Remember this saying: fool me once.......
NB is she still with her friends hb? I'm curious.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, noraynoray  +, writes (26 October 2011):
Uhm... Ok, quick reality check.
She doesn't want to meet and catch up. Cheaters don't actually care about others. She is using you for affirmation. She wants to make sure she still has you where she wants you: desperate and needy for her attention, because when SHE gets bored or when there is the slightest bit of trouble in paradise, she'll give you a call to boost her little flabby ego up. They are called sociopaths - don't talk yourself into an imaginary relationship with one.
Fergawdssake, grow a pair, young man! DELETE, ERASE, DENY, DON'T GO!
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A
female
reader, uroboros +, writes (26 October 2011):
the woman cheated on you with her best friends husband!! what kind of person is she?!?
don't waste your time for her, sooner or later you will move on, which is best for you.
good luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): stay away. She does not find you fulfilling in her life. There is a missing ingredient between you and her and she will always feel that way about it. You will never be all she ever wants.
You deserve a girl who will be loyal and make you her world. Why? Not because you forced it, but because you have every quality that she wants and desires.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 October 2011):
Why waste time on her? You already wasted 7 months with her. Why do you feel a need to "catch up" with her?
I think you are putting yourself in a position to get hurt all over again. IF she really cared about you, she wouldn't have cheated on you..
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (26 October 2011):
 Its so hard when you breakup with someone you love, but i know it is easier said then done but it does go with time and commitment but you need to focus on letting go of her.
If you meet up with her i can garuntee that it will make letting go so much harder and it will just remind yourself of things you once had etc.
Don't meet up with her she betrayed your trust in one of the worst ways don't give her a chance to do it again focus on getting your own head back on track as this will just be a step back for you.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (26 October 2011):
"but i know that i could never trust her and i could never love her in the way that i did. I do still love her very much but i know that our relationship is ruined beyond redemption. " You have answered that one yourself.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 October 2011):
Forget her man! This woman cheated on you with her best friend's husband. What a leech! To top if off she only let it out when she was drunk. This woman made a mess of things before, and she'll just wind you up and torture you again.
I would walk through fire before meeting up with someone like her again.
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