A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My hubby treats me and the kids very well..we have been a loving couple for years. Recently I found out that even before we were married, he has been out for monthly one night stands (he usually says he is out entertaining clients when he comes home only in the morning). He says he just need some thrill sometimes and there is no emotion involved with those girls.Since he has been doing this for the past 7 years, I do not believe that he will change.Should I just pretend I don't know as long as he comes home after the fun?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): I think you should tell him how you feel i would say just leave him you may love him but he doesn't deserve someone as understanding like you.He's cheating on you and thinks he can just get away with it. You need to tell him how you feel I would say just leave him and move on but there is kids involved. So just talk to him and if he doesn't stop this back stabbing cheating then you might have to consider leaving him. This has gone on for too long. You can't just sit there and watch him go out and have sex with other girls while your sitting at home looking after his kids.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): I say don't listen to these people if you don't want to rock the boat & if it doesn't bother you enough to leave then don't. I do agree with them everyone that you could catch something from his "flings" but I'm sure he's aware of the dangers and if he's so pro at cheating on the sly, he's probably thought of that already. I would however mention it to him sometime that you are no fool & he's not getting away with anything. But you're an understanding wife & he's damn lucky for that. I would also be inclined to spend his money freely & maybe hire a cute latin poolboy or something. Good luck. Seriously- good luck.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 I think your husband is a dispicable person. He's nice to you and the kids? Yeah, I bet...there's something you're not saying.
He also sounds like a sex addict and my guess is this goes further than once a month, he may actually be having sex with men, too.
I don't think you know what your husband is up to quite frankly. For all you know he is having a 7 year affair with the same married woman and once a month her husband is out of town so he sends the night.
I can't believe you are raising children with this kind of behvior accepted in your home. I'm inclined to ask you as well, what the hell are you thinking?
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A
male
reader, y007steph  +, writes (18 July 2010):
Since you know about his adventures, and accept it like a wise lady, I think you may make some not offensive but humorous notes on his nature. Just for your own fun.
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A
female
reader, LoveIsStrongerThanPride +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I'm sorry but I agree with everyone, this is disgusting! He is a pig. Yes what if you get STD's from him, not a joke! Also don't you feel heart broken, humiliated? God I would of sent him packing if I saw him talk to another girl let alone sex. Listen, he should love you and you love him, no one else, its not ok no matter what he is trying to put in your head, ITS NOT OK. You obviously are not ok with it or you would not be on this site asking this question. You should file for divorce and get a very good attorney, he will not win after infidelity, I would screw him over like he did your marriage. God this pisses me off, stand up for yourself!
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Are you happy with the fact that your husband is sleeping with other women.. Do you lack jealousy or do you not fancy him at all.
Can't tell you what to feel or think.. If your happy with your husbands adultery, who am I to tell you that you should change your life and complain.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2010):
 I wouldn't be able to pretend that well.
Please tell me you are getting monthly pap smears and seeing your gyn after each episode. He is risking your health every time he does this. Maybe it would be prudent to use condoms all the time, even for oral sex. That is presuming you are having sex? If not, then you're as good as your last pap smear and gyn exam.
It just wouldn't be in me to tolerate this rationalized infidelity.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Just to give you some perspective on the situation:
one one-night stand/month * 7 years = 84 women
Your husband has slept with at least 84 women during the course of your marriage. 84 women that could have given him a STD that he could potentially pass on to you. 84 women who have done God-know-what sexually to your husband. 84 women your husband has done God-know-what to sexually.
I hope you don't consider his behavior "fun". To me, it's actually rather disrespectful,not to mention dangerous.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): Like everyone else is saying, no. I can't believe you'd even consider allowing this. I'd be heart broken and disgusted.
'My hubby treats me and the kids very well', well he's got a funny way of showing it. Having one night stands behind your back? That's completely disrespecting you AND your children. Your the mother of his kids, so him doing that behind your back is a risk of his children finding out and effecting them, also.
Why would you even think about allowing this? Why would you think you deserve this? You don't deserve a man like that. He's an incredibly selfish, immature man who doesn't deserve to be with ANYONE.
He doesn't love you. If I was you, I'd move on. No point in being with a man who doesn't love and respect you.
Maybe you should think about getting checked for STI'S too! 7 years of one night stands? Yep, get your self checked out and dump his ass. He isn't worth your time. Let him see his kids and let it be that.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (17 July 2010):
 He's selfish, immature, and endangering his family for the sake of his thrill. But seven years later, you're right that he won't be changing any time soon (barring a MAJOR event scarring him half the death, and even then maybe not). So it's your call. Are you content having a lustful, lying, self-absorbed betrayer for a husband, willing to just be one of his many women? If that makes you happy, and you truly are content with an open marriage, then that's your call. Some people have happy open marriages. But if you can't live like that, then you know HE won't stop for you.
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A
female
reader, JustMex +, writes (17 July 2010):
 In answer to the title, NO you should not. Why would you want to? A marriage is supposed to be between two people and two people only. You need to confront him about this and also staying out until the next morning is not really acceptable, especially if it's a regular occurance. That would ring alarm bells for anyone. If he's cheated/cheating then he's getting the best of both worlds - and avoiding the fact that thereis a problem within your marriage. You deserve a lot better than to put up with this, if he loved you and had respect for you he would not do this. If it were me I would walk out because a one night stand could be forgiven but more than once and on a regular basis just shows that he does not care and would/is not sorry. It's up to you to decide, but as I said, you deserve a LOT better.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 July 2010):
And if he comes home with AIDS? Or gives you the HPV virus that leads to cervical cancer. Or if he comes home and says that he's got another women pregnant and has to sell the house, the car and leaves your kids stuffed?
Basically, he doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you. He's risking your health, your children's health, your home, your wellbeing. Everything. And what happens if your children find out? They won't respect him, and they won't respect you for staying with him. This man doesn't really love you at all.
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