A
female
age
41-50,
*aphindle
writes:I need some help. My husband and I have been together for 7 years (married for 2). My husband doesn't want to have sex. I always try but he is never interested. I rarely have the courage to talk to him but when I do he either says he doesn't want to talk about it because I've had a glass of wine or because he's not in the mood. How am I supposed to resolve this? I'm convinced that he is either having an affair or he is gay but can't decide! I am losing weight at the moment as I am hoping that will help but hasn't so far - I have lost 2st and now weigh 10st 3lb obviously thats not good enough for him. Should I have an affair to get sex?
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affair, in the mood Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): there are two issues here.
1. Your husbands desire to have sex with you
2. Your sexual desire
Number one can be addressed by direct questioning.
Number two is up to you, you can also masturbate with toys etc, there will never be any shortage of men that will want to have an affair with you no matter what size you are.
this is not the end of the world.
A
male
reader, mikefounds  +, writes (17 July 2009):
I find that when men don't want to have sex it is usually because they are worried about performance or feel inadequate. Has anything happened that would make him feel less confident?
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 i knew a guy who suddenly as well lost interest in sex, but that was because hed had an affair and contracted a venereal disease and did not want the wife to find out so he simply avoide her sexually. check him out.
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A
female
reader, natnatxxx +, writes (17 July 2009):
 An affiar wont solve anything. It will damage your marriage and leave you feel empty after a one night stand then losing your husband.
In a relationship, you have to have comminication, so you need to speak to him about it and ask why he no longer wants to have sex with you. Make him no this is a serious problem and you need to talk about it, (espcially because your thinking about having an affair because of this) tell him your his wife and you deserve to have a sex life with your husband - its part of a healthy relationship!
After 2 years into marriage, surely he cannot be already bored of the sex, have you tried spicing up your sex life? Maybe theres a serious problem here he needs to tell you about? This could be anything but before you make any moves into the cheating zone, find out what's preventing him from sex and you could work it out. If he doesnt want to tell you, maybe you should think about your marriage and if your husband is satsifying yours and his needs from it.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (17 July 2009):
 If I was in your shoes I would talk to him.Explain what you feel and what you want to do.If my wife wouldn`t give me sex I would go get it somewhere else, but I wouldn`t keep it a secret.Being that she is 12 years my junior I am also open to the possibility that someday I may not be able to perform my duty.If that was to ever be the case I would be open to the idea of her getting it somewhere else.I just feel that trust and honesty are far more important than monogamy.
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A
male
reader, urbanking99 +, writes (16 July 2009):
Even as a single guy for far too long and neither having had a sexual partner for more than 15 years, I can't even agree that you have an affair for the sake of having sex.
There are obviously other concerns there that are stopping him from having sex and until he can admit them to himself and you. By having an affair what will it prove and then when you dont approach him for sex what is he going to think - exactly she must be having sex with someone else, soon after realtionship breakdown. Is this what you want?
You have only been married for 2 years do you want to jeopardise this relationship.
Obviously your weight has nothing to do with it although reading between the lines I can see it has raised your confidence and you are feeling and obviously more in the mood for "bedroom fun".
My suggestion is to try to talk to him again failing this it may be necessary to see a counsellor.
Just one thing what age is your husband? as this may also be a contributing factor.
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