A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My hubby's friend died and his viewing is tonight. He hasn't asked me directly to go with him, but when I ask him if he wants me to go, he says "I dont care, you can go if you want. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (4 December 2009):
 Oh wow.. I have a lot of "guy language" to learn. I was going to say "No way, clearly with a response like that he doesn't want you there!" but after reading all the responses I would definitely go with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): Yeah go along, he'll be grateful even if he doesn't show it x
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (4 December 2009):
 Going to the viewing is just one part of the support you will need to give him. If he was close to his friend this experience will affect him considerably.
Stand at his side and comfort him without smothering him. Ask him to talk when he seems open to discussing his feelings. Allow him the room to be a little off and don't take it personally because it isn't about you.
Your relationship will be stronger if he knows he can feel the safety of your love during the hard times. Its a small gift on your part that is huge to him.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 That is man-language for 'come with me'. No doubt about that. He just doesn't want to ask. You should go with him, but do it in a kind of 'oh, ok, why not, i'll come then ... he was a nice guy' - not implying your guy needs the support ... : )
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): no one enjoys these things but they are a part of life. Absolutely you should be right by his side, holding his hand or with your arm around him....i've seen my husband break down very rarely...but death did it. And i would have never forgiven myself if i hadnt been there by his side. he may not express that he is glad you are there but he will be glad. mal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I bet he's devastated, and so it's hard for him to think about other things. Go with him if you think he'll like having you there, or let him go alone if you think he'll appreciate the solitude. For example, if many others who were also his friends are there and you know he'll have support in having them around him, you can see if your presence will keep him from finding comfort with the other buddies? But all in all I think you should go with him. I don't see why you'd even need to ask that. The wife should support and be there for her husband, without him asking her to.
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A
female
reader, Sadnat  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 he needs you...go with
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A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 I agree with everything that has been said, you should be there to support him whether he is outright asking you to be or not I'm sure it will be appreciated. If he didn't want you to go he would have made it clear I'm sure. Best of Luck
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Duty calls my dear.
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A
female
reader, RichTea +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Umm...
...It seems a bit strange that you had to ask. Surely you should to to support him anyway. If it was your friend who had died, would you want him there.
Even if you dont feel comfortable about going in to see his friend, you should at least wait outside for him.
This way he will know that your there for him but you dont want to pushy towards him.
Just be there for him and help him through this difficult time.
Good Luck
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Honestly, I'm not sure why you had to ask him? If it were my boyfriend/husband who had lost a friend, I'd be getting ready alongside him, ready to drive us both there - no questions asked. He obviously needs your support and I can't count how many times I've said "I don't care - you can if you want" and it really meant what Irish49 stated "I really want you there, but I won't force you to be."
Yes, go. It'd be silly and unsupportive not to. I still don't think he should even have to ask you to go - it kind of goes without saying.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Hun, you should go... being a man he doesnt want to show that hes hurting and needs someone to lean on..
He will appreciate you being there!! Gently ask him where and what time so that you can get ready to go with him.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 December 2009):
I think you should go. He's hurting, but doesn't want to say it. Go, but don't ask him how he's feeling or anything, just hold his hand and hug him when he looks like he needs it. Men take a lot of time to let their emotions show, as we are frequently confused by them and what they mean. Go with him, I think he does want you there but can't ask because he doens't want to show he's upset.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Go with him. You are his wife and spouses/partners support and help each other through sad,grievious times like this. Sometimes, when a person says, "I don't care, you can go if you want" it could mean "I really want you there. But I am not going to make you come" If I were in your shoes, I would just saying "I am coming with you. When is it, so I can be ready?" Good luck!
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