A
female
age
30-35,
*ikiwe
writes:Hey guys,I've been friends with this dude since early this year.(March to be precise).Well, we exchanged numbers and really hit it off.Lately we've been spending lots of time together and i really like him and he feels the same way too.Thing is he does'nt have a job and hasn't been to College, i really don't mind but would it be a problem. if we ever got together?As in is there a chance that it would work out? Thanks!
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female
reader, Nikiwe +, writes (12 October 2012):
Nikiwe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBond girl,we only hold hands, hug snd cuddle because we don't wanna rush.Im not for the idea of having sex with the people i'm only dating.I think i wanna get to know him more before jumping into anythng or more so being in a relationship with him.Thanks!
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 You set your own boundaries. I think a lot of women let men get physical too quickly because they want things to work out. If anything, getting physical can often set you back. If he really likes you, he'll be willing to get to know you first.
You also need to consider what you really want and what he really wants. Have you discussed whether he is interested in a committed relationship or is he just dating for fun? This is something that a lot of people do not discuss because they don't want to offend the other person, but it's important to know what he wants out of a possible relationship. If he isn't looking for an exclusive relationship, but you are, you are going to be wasting your time "dating" him.
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A
female
reader, Nikiwe +, writes (11 October 2012):
Nikiwe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he didn't go to College because of financial issues and this hasn't put him down.Futhermore he ain't picky when it comes to jobs,he does what can bring food to the table and doesn't complain.He mentioned that before we met he had this job but his employer turned out to be a cougar! so he bailed.One more thing,what are the boundaries of dating?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 October 2012):
Oh I missed your update, OP. Well, If he behaves responsibly he deserves a shot. I have a friend who has two degrees and is unemployed. Goes to show that it's no guarantee for a job.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 October 2012):
I agree with ChiGirl. If a man cannot take care of himself financially, it is an indicator that he will not be a good partner. The fact is...we all have to make money to support ourselves. You don't have to be rich, but you have to be able to LIVE.
Also, I agree with your latest update that if he is able to take care of himself, then you should give him a chance. Having a college degree has nothing to do with this. My dad doesn't have a college degree and he is one of the smartest people I know. Get to know him and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (10 October 2012):
 According to your update he sounds fine. As the other posters said, as long as he is not lazy and content doing nothing while struggling financially then it should be okay. I dated 2 different lazy men with no work ethic and I would never do it again and would advise no one to date someone that way. I would go to work while they sat and played video games all day. Then when they finally got jobs they wouldn't feel like waking up to go to work so they were a no call no show. In addition to this they were both heavily in debt of course because they couldn't pay their bills, but did not care to get a job and do something about it. One even had a kid and acted this way. So you basically want to make sure the man is mature and understands his responsibilities. It doesn't matter what his job is or if he has a college degree, just that he isn't lazy and willing to blame and live off of everyone else.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Cerberus I have no idea what you're on about. I've never mentioned money as an argument. This isn't about money. He can be broke all he wants. The question is that he is unemployed. Not broke. The problem is if a man is not taking care of himself, not that he is broke and can't buy you things...
If you don't think money makes the man, then fine, I agree, I've never said otherwise. I just don't get why you go off about money, because none of us in here have said that the guy needs to be rich. Nor did I say money makes man. I said that being able to take care of yourself is what separates a man from a boy.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 OP it's important that you describe him as hard working. I think that's more important than whether or not he has a good job at the moment. I can see why you'd have reservations about getting involved with a man who isn't so successful but if he has a good work ethic it's a positive sign.
I have tried dating someone who didn't and wouldn't work and it was tough for all sorts of reasons. He had no work ethic, though.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 October 2012):
It all depends on why he's unemployed and didn't study. Not all of us are meant to go to college or even have that ambition. Society functions because we have people who don't have degrees doing the physical work for us. As for being unemployed: many people are in an economical crisis, often against their will. Your boyfriend may very well be someone who works hard when he can, but simply hasn't found a job.
However, if he is lazy, or his standards are too high (i.e. "I only want to do a job I absolutely adore") he may not be compatible because characteristics like that can point to other big personality flaws.
Give him a shot if you like him, he may surprise you! Just recognize the signs of a loser, those who blame everything around them for their misfortune but won't step up to change their lives. If he's that kind of person, run. But if he's simply a nice guy trying to get by, don't push him aside just yet. In any case, find out more about him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): That's funny chigirl because I know plenty of men who have very little money that are well able to take care of themselves. I even know men who have abandoned society and live off the land, growing their own food and trading for supplies and stuff.
Money does not make a man, honesty, honour and integrity do and I know far more guys with very little money with a hell of a lot more integrity than people that do.
I'd rather be a boy that's good to people than money hungry slave to women who think that it's money that makes man.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 October 2012):
It's not about wanting the man to take care of women. But the man needs to be able to take care of himself... Otherwise is is nothing but a boy, and women do not date boys. Women date men.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): I have to disagree with the others OP, a person's willingness to work is not an indication of how good they will be as a partner unless material wealth is your primary goal or being taken care of is how you want to live your life.
I didn't know what I wanted out of life until my late 20's. I alternated between crappy jobs and being unemployed but I had a hell of a good time, was happy, enjoyed my life and was good to the people I loved. You don't need money to be a good person and I never bought into this "you have to contribute to society" crap in terms of tax money, none of my tax money was ever used for anything that I wanted it to be used for just to prop up the rich bankers by bailing them out for their shitty mistakes. I'll let other people be sheep and contribute money to a society that largely ignores their needs.
Just because a person doesn't have a job doesn't make them less of a person or a worse partner because it by does not mean they won't step up if they need to.
Regardless of my stance on working if I needed extra money for anything I would go out and earn it and when I finally did figure out what I wanted in life I threw myself in 100% to achieving that.
The biggest thing here though OP is that you don't mind, so for now it's not an issue. I say don't let it become an issue in your mind right now. If it becomes one in future then think about it then, deal with it then. Stop trying to look too far ahead and just take a chance with this guy. Even if he's not looking for work, even if at the moment he doesn't know where he's going that can change and besides you're only at the very beginning of getting to know him. No point in worrying about things that may never become a problem.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Well you are just dating him not marrying him...
why is he not working?
College is a good thing but there are many folks who do not go to college and make a nice living doing other things... we do need service folks that do things without college...
what are his life plans? technical school? manual labor as an apprentice?
as long as he has goals and is working towards them I see no issue with lack of college... now lack of employment without job hunting is not a good thing....
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A
female
reader, Nikiwe +, writes (10 October 2012):
Nikiwe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for responding. Well he actually lives alone and does odd jobs to pay rent, buy food,etc. So i wouldn't call that a job because at times there's no work and he has to struggle. Basically he is pretty hardworking but hasn't gotten lucky getting a good job and him not having a college degree worsens the situation.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Is he actively looking for work, or does he just sit at home during the day not doing an awful lot. If its the first then at least he is getting off his behind and trying his best to better himself and find work. If he is not trying atal then i can see this relationship being somewhat difficult as time goes on. If your going out for dinner, the cinema, a weekend away and your having to foot the bill everytime is going to lead to some resentment further down the line.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 October 2012):
I agree with both posts. It is possible he has just fallen on hard times, or it is possible that he is lazy. I would be careful as some women fall prey to the "I don't have any money" man who then proceeds to never have money to do anything--go out to eat, see movies, etc. You don't want to fall into the trap of really liking the guy, but then paying his way for everything.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 October 2012):
How does he pay for food? How does he pay for roof over his head?
There are things you should wath out for, and that is how a man treats his nearest family and friends. And how he manages himself in life. If he is taking advantage of his family to live for free, and is lazy, then he will never be different. He will continue to be lazy, and in time he will take advantage of you. So maybe if you enter a relationship with him, he will want you to pay for him. Can you afford that?
However, if he is working to stay where he is, doing things around the house, is active and working, doing chores, running errands for example, contributes, then it is different. If he is actively looking for a job, and is hard working, then it is okay. Because then you know that soon he will do better, soon he will be earning money again, and be able to take care of himself.
How are his prospects, is he hard working and likely to find work soon? Or is he lazy, sitting at home doing nothing, and taking advantage of his family and friends? Those are the things you need to pay attention to before you decide.
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