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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i was out one night with some friends and i got really drunk and i didnt really know what i was doing. i ended up having sex with this boy but i have a boyfriend who ive been with for over a year now and i love and care for him, so should i come clean? or just live with the guilt of what i did? "/
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): It's all fun and games until somebody's crotch starts itching.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 You don't just get drunk and have sex with a boy because you are drunk, you get drunk in order to lower your inhibitions so that you can make bad choices and have sex with someone else and then take no responsibility for it and blame it on being drunk...you knew exactly what you were doing, you just are lying to yourself and to everyone else.
I don't think it makes a hill of beans whether you tell your boyfriend or not because you want to be in the driver's seat of your own life and you want to do what you want to do, but no you are having some fear that your boyfriend is going to find out what you did in case someone talks about you behind your back...so you want to know what to do to cover your ass.
So, maybe you should cut said boyfriend lose and stop being dependent on having a boyfriend to define you as a good girl and go out and do what ever it is you really want to be doing, or at least have the respect for your boyfriend to not lie to him that you are actually committed to the relationship, you're not, and that's OK, but he deserves to know THAT, not that you had sex with someone else, that is just the symptom of the real deal.
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A
female
reader, WhatsTheDeal +, writes (24 August 2010):
In my opinion, you need to come clean! Living with guilt will just eat you up and lying in a relationship will get you no where.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 To the anonymous reader who said that "it is none of his business", that is completely WRONG! It has everything to do with him! You think if someone you love went and had sex with some other guy while he/she was in a long and close relationship with you, it's none of your business?
It is your boyfriends right to know about what happened. People do make mistakes, especially when they're drunk but that doesn't change the way you feel about him does it?
Let him know it was a mistake. Everyone else apart from that anonymous poster was right when they said that you have to learn from your mistakes. Make sure it doesn't happen again.
Good Luck
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 sweetheart you need to OWN UP!
I cheated early on in my relationship(long story i don't have any excuses for it )
my boyfriend respected the fact i told him he was VERY upset with me and refused to talk to me for the rest of the day
i went to see him at his house the next day and he said he loved me very much and mistakes happen and he forgave me
i was in COMPLETE SHOCK!
i expected him to throw me out the door.. i would have deserved it too
instead 2 years later he proposed and we live together
TELL HIM
he may not be as forgiving as my fiance was all men are different but you need to tell him it will make you feel SO MUCH better even if he does get mad and brake up with you
move on and learn from your mistake
i know that if i had not of told my boyfriend and i was still keeping it a secret and he had found out now he would for sure leave me don't wait or it will be worse because he will think everything you have ever told him is a lie
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Put this down to experience. Your boyfriend doesn't need to know because it is none of his business. Just don't do it again. If you do then you have an obligation to inform him of your drunken wayward ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): The only decent thing to do is to own up and let him make the decision as to whether he thinks the two of you should split or give things another go. He deserves better than someone who can get drunk and sleep around, so if he decides he wants nothing more to do with you, you just have to accept that and move on. You'll have learned a valuable lesson.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (24 August 2010):
 You deal with the guilt by not going to parties anymore. If you can't give up this habit then just come clean so you can continue your lifestyle and he won't be asking tons of questions when you go out. You either choose this lifestyle or a relationship. The two don't mix.
Going to parties = drinking
Drinking = not know what you are doing
Drunk = possibility of cheating again
Cheating = no more boyfriend
I should say though not everybody drinks and then cheats. But it affects you this way so who's to say it won't happen again?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 August 2010):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/cheated-on-my-boyfrienddont-know-what-to-do.html
Read this. Same question more or less, with one answer from TimD, and another from me. Both pretty much answer this.
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