A
male
age
30-35,
*-jack--
writes:I've been in love with this girl for nearly a year and we've been through a lot of ups and downs.She said that she was in love with me, then suddenly she's saying she dosent even fancy me anymore. She says it's not me but she's changed.I just don't get how someones feelings can just suddenly stop.My head wants to move on but my heart can't for some reason. I just don't know what to do :/Can someone please help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): I understand what you are going through, my ex-girlfriend has done the same to me. The only difference is she is pregnant. 3 1/2 months to be exact. This has been the hardest week of my life. I have havent ate, slept or gone to work, i even went to the airport and was ready to leave. The pain was unbearable. but it will pass, as im sure it will for you too in a few days, trust me it will get better. I know first hand, after not eating, barely sleeping, and when sleeping dreaming about it, and not going to work, and yes, crying.... i feel better... i will not have the family that i wanted, but im better now. the best thing to do, is be there for her, dont make it look like your begging for her back, just call her every so often and see how she is doing... and thats it... this is very difficult. for me too at this point... but things do get better... the hardest part for me is that when i look in the mirror and see myself, i see myself, as i am, when i looked into her i seen myself changing... its a hard thing to let go... and thats what hurts the most...
A
female
reader, Bunnygirl +, writes (16 July 2007):
 My boyfriend split with me totally out of the blue after 4 years because the suddenly changed. Slightly differnt to your situation but i guess the pain is similar?..........!the best advice i was given at thie time was deal with your pain. This doesnt mean brush it over and move on. It means, sit de compress think cry talk write whatever you need to do to get some of it out and then access how you feel. my heart couldnt let go at all even though i was a wreck physically mentally and emotionaly. You can leave a door open and move on at the same time....she knows how you feel? if she is going through a rough time make sure she knows that you do care and do love her, that you are there if needed but you are a little hurt and so need to have and give space to eachother ( but are always there if needed) write a letter with everything you feel in it that you are hurt by/scared of etc but dont let anyone read it and dont post it to her. it's all out and expressed with should then give you some breathing space within yourself. then get busy and look after yourself, get more of a social life and see how you feel.It's hard to out to a short space but these things do work. take care x
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A
male
reader, --jack-- +, writes (16 July 2007):
--jack-- is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks guys
I think i might leave it fot a while
i tryed talking to her but she just isnt talking to me
ignoreing me completly
her friends say shes going through alot at the moment and to stick with her
but my friends say to move on
Now i've got my ex trying to get with me. which is not what i want right now.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I agree with anonymous. Spot on anonymous : She may be trying to break up without hurting your feelings. I have a feeling there may be someone else involved and she is looking for the easiest option out. I would add - BE A MAN AND MOVE ON, SHE IS.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Hi there. I am sorry to hear of the heartache and the confusion you are feeling. You mention you have been with your girlfriend for nearly a year and there have been a lot of ups and downs. I guess I am wondering if this relationship was bringing you both the happiness that you wanted or if the ups and downs were what were making her back away a bit now.It is what it is. You could meet up with her again to talk but she may not know what to say to you right now and that will add to your pain. My suggestion, painful as it is to back off right now. I agree with the other posters that keeping busy will help. She will, no doubt continue to be on your mind but as time goes on...perhaps less so. I note your age and know that there is probably someone out there with whom you could have this again. I know it does not seem that way when you are hurting...but is the way it works. Good luck and keep us posted...we are here to help.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I agree with Penta in saying that feelings don't change suddenly. Maybe she was trying to save what she had, and she only spoke to you about breaking up when she found this was not possible.
I think you need to let her go. Follow Penta's advice. However, bear in mind that you're doing this only to ease the pain; don't use this activities as a getaway. You'll always need to face reality.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (16 July 2007):
 There are a lot of reasons why a person's feelings can "suddenly" change. Probably they've been changing for a while but she hasn't felt she could say anything. Or maybe she thought they'd change back.
It may simply be that she's changing a lot as a person -- that happens a lot between the ages of 16 and 25. You learn new stuff and it affects you, good and bad.
Please don't sit and stew in your feelings; you need to move on. Get busy. Do things. Join a club or a sport. When you're busy, this won't hurt as much. And likely you'll meet the next person at this club when you least expect it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Hi there babes,
Peoples feelings do change about one another but this doesn't mean its over hun, go and talk to her ask her if there is anything going on in her life that your not aware of at the moment.....
If she needs time then give her the space she needs, if she loves ya hun she will be back I promise
In the mean time you need to think of yourself go out with friends and keep busy for now to take your mind off it,
Hope this has helped in some way take care
Love Donna x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): She may be trying to break up without hurting your feelings. I have a feeling there may be someone else involved and she is looking for the easiest option out.
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