A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im22,i dont get the opportunity to wear sexy clothes like all these girls do on posters and magazines, and itslike,myboyfriend never sees me in the sexy way he see's them. I just dont know how im supposed to feel good next to them?? how? and if i go cinema for example,how do i feel ok? sitting there, with my boyfriend next to me, watching some stunning sexy woman flaunt all she has ect or in a sexy scene? it makes me not only uncomfortable, but it makes me jealous and feelsmall, and shown up in a weird way, that i cant compete??? gosh im stuckIf im to be 100% honest, i really did think i would get harsh and unkind comments,as 1 person inparticular that i tried to talk to just didnt understand. Although it can be hard to understand i know.Its such a hard thing to explain, somedays are better than others,sometimes i dont even know where it comes from!!Im just 22, i shouldnt be worrying about such things, but i do, its like theres something inside of me that i dont have control over, it kills me inside it really does,i suppose it doesnt help the fact that the world has become very vain. I did know someone who felt just like me, except i didnt feel it when she did, it hit me later on in life, and i thought she was mad,how awful, and thats how i feel people might think of me, that im not rightin the head,and all it is is insecurity, thinking these women arebetter than me, perfect and that my boyfriend finds them more attractive than me. Simple fact is, ive had some money problems for quite some time,i dont get to spend money on myself, nice clothes, sexy underwear,i have tomake the best of what i have,which i do, but itdoesnt make me feel good, i know its all material,but its true, i feel, well, unsexy! we see a picture of a gorgeous woman for example, in sexy underwear,i just feel a nobody, that hes looking at her, how shes everything im not, looking perfect and airbrushed doesnt help, does that make sense? suggestive pics are 10 times worse!!i find it all very hard to explain,its deeper than what it sounds, it actually hurts me,and sometimes ive nearly cried.I just want to know how to deal with eg the cinema? what does every1 else do, think and feel when a stunning half naked woman comes on ?What do i do? any advise ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 P.S. The link I gave below is correct IF you remove the period at the end. My sentence ending somehow got stuck on the URL...
Try this:http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/film_fullscreen_evo.html
A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (16 July 2007):
 It's now been proven that models and celeb photos are touched up with arbrush etc to make them look sexy when in actual fact they're not. Most of the models in photos are no way near what they look like in real life.
So each time you see a model just think to yourself "She's not sexy at all. She's a painting."
I know that wasn't much but I thought it would help. =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): I think you need to believe you are indeed, a beautiful person, because your bf does. You are aware of this 'something' inside you' then you know only you are responsible for how you feel about yourself. We know that what is troubling you..is .your own view of yourself and your self-image. That 'something' you are experiencing is jealousy. It really is an unrelenting, unattractive emotion that females go through, when they don't feel worthy enough to their loved ones, to retain affection and respect purely based on 'their own merit'. You want to get ahold of these feelings before you get to the point of trying to control and constrain the the progress of your love relationship. Doing that willonly serve to eventually affect therealtionship in a most negative way. Please start believing in yourself. Know that you are attractive enough, loving enough, valuable enough enough to keep your bf sufficiently interested and wanting to be with you. If you weren't, you'd be at the cinema alone, wouldn't you? So you know you are emotionally dependant on what others think of you way too much. In this case, your bf. Please realize this is a choice, that you are the one who has to develop self-confidence and inner strength to respond differently to images of beauty. Beauty is everywhere-at every turn. It all begins with you. Realize that images of these women do not pose a threat to you. They are simply pictures...nothing more. It's up to you to develop inner security and strength and to go through life feeling good about yourself. No one else can do that for you. How do you do this? I suggest you look into 'self-confidence/self-esteem ' building classes. I really think you need to acquire a new, stronger view of the world around you. You have wings-you just don't know why, yet. Try spreading them by trying new things, achieve, open your social situations..just be a happy, exuberant person and life will change and the the way you view the world. It's all up to you. Good luck, be strong and believe, hun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): Many men still actually prefer decent clothing, believing a woman is sexier with her body covered, when they have to imagine what's underneath. I'd feel the same honestly if I were a man. I'd say it's rather teenagers who see a half-naked body in public and are "chased" by the image the entire rest of the day! while the impact on a MAN will differ. It's funny to imagine a man would be as overwhelmed by some makeup and a denuded shoulder!
Meanwhile your boyfriend must have chosen you for who you are and you sure are not your clothes, let's not turn them them our idols. There's been a talk recently on the site about men having to chose between physical attraction and mental one, those answers would re-weaken your fears. There are cases when some people who are very beautiful overexceed the limits of confidence and run down into arrogance, there are situations and situations. Don't compare yourself to other women in terms of looks, there is no point in that. The interior weights more, and no person "with weight" will tell you differently.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (16 July 2007):
You need to stop comparing yourself to these women. No LIVE person can ever compete. The post-filming work that's done is unreal. Check out this video to see what I mean: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/film_fullscreen_evo.html. The film industry uses air brushing and a lot of other unrealistic things to get the women to look like this (AFTER the picture is taken!). Normal women can't possibly compete.
You need to work on becoming comfortable with who you are. The truth is that guys are going to look. ALL guys are going to look. 98 percent of them aren't going to do more than look, so you're safe! Your guy is with YOU. Not with one of these babes. Let him look and be confident that he's with you because he wants to.
When I see a gorgeous woman on the screen, I either sit back and admire all the work into getting that way, or I snicker because I know she had to endure all kinds of crap to look that good -- stuff that I don't have to do, lol.
My husband is with me because he wants ME, not because he couldn't get someone better. You have to know this about your partner, or your insecurity will make you both miserable.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I think you need to understand that nobody is perfect, and there will always be someone who will look, or think, or whatever, better than we do. You can't be happy if you need to be the very best in everything.
Also, I share your point of view that the world has become vain, but I think that the way out of it is NOT to be as vain as the world is. Also, I think you know that the people who count don't judge you on looks alone. If someone rated you only because of your beauty, or lack of, well, that someone would be very shallow and not worth to have around.
Keep your spirits up. I wonder how most women would manage to compete with your 22 years of age. I think they know they can't, and they don't feel self-conscious when you're around.
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