A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A co-worker started flirting with me at a Christmas party. After quite a few drinks, we ended up going home together. I though I wouldn't hear from him but I did. He texted me every day for 2 weeks - some of the stuff was very romantic, like he'd had a crush on me for a while, etc. Anyway, we hooked up once more. Then he comes up with he's "damaged" and "messed up" and is trying to get over someone and has been badly hurt by women - and I hardly heard from him.Here's the catch - another co-worker told me this guy is a player, dated several other co-workers, along with other women, and might even still be married.After hearing this guy's excuses for not wanting to be in a relationship, it did seem like perhaps this other person was right and this guy was just a player.So I texted him asking him if he was being honest with me about being messed up and hurt - or if he was just playing games and all I was was a one night stand, or if he was really still married. All I got back was "wow and "yes". I texted back "yes to which thing" but never got a reply.Now the "friend" who told me the guy was a player is saying that he never said the guy dated co-workers, he just knows of a couple of women he dated.So I'm wondering if the so-called friend was just full of crap when he said the guy was a player. Or was trying to make sure I didn't see the guy. I've accused what might actually be a great guy who really is hurting of being a player and a cheater based on some info from a friend who is now back tracking on what he told me!Have I just completely destroyed any possibility of a relationship with the guy over the stupid text I sent after believing the friend's warning? Is there any way to recover from this? The guy is really nice and I had heard from other people that he was a great guy. Don't know why I believed the friend over them.Or is it possible the friend's impression is right. The friend who gave me the info is a male and I'm pretty sure he's not interested in me.
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christmas, co-worker, crush, flirt, one night stand, player, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Really? This was hard to figure out on your own? You're a booty call. In this choose your own adventure book, your choices are now;
A. Continue to be a booty call.
B. Move on, and learn from your mistakes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): I would just like to say I very nearly had the exact same situation, except the guy I went for was a gentleman and this is why. He knew I was drunk, and he was very clear about what we would be about BEFORE taking me home, and then he didn't even take me home in the end anyway. He just waited until I sobered up.
The following day I heard all sorts, but nothing about him being a player, just being a bit of a flirt and that wasn't news as that's something I could see for myself.
I think, if this guy was genuine, he would have made the first time you slept together... not a drunken romp. Cut your losses and move on, there's better guys out there.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 February 2011):
This guy's a player, pure and simple.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 After he said, "I'm damaged" etc. and stopped contacting you. You shouldn't have messaged him back, it's just wasted breath on your part. Even if all the gossip was true. So what, he's done and already ended things with you. I understand you may feel taken back and still emotional about the sudden rejection, but to him its water under the bridge. Either there was something between the two of you he didn't like or he's really selfish. Think of it this way, his insensitivity can't give you what you need, so its better for you to move on with a man who respects you and cares.To save future heart break, don't become so intimate with someone so quickly. If anything this is probably where you "screwed up". Take Care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): A guy who is a player will tell a woman what she wants to hear. Texting is cheap and easy from an energy and effort perpective. You can tell if a guy is into you if he wants to know if you've changed your oil in your car or if you've changed the batteries in your smoke detector. A guy who cares about you will try to take care of you. oTexting what you want to hear doesn't count. Those kinds of guys put in a minimum of effort for maximum return. Looks like you found the player guy. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Regardless of what the friend said, think about how things went. You hook up, he texts you romantic stuff for two weeks, you hook up again THEN he tells you that he is damaged and hurt by women blah blah,...and he's history.
This IS a player. Traditionally the " I am damaged " is of the oldest and lamest "lines " in the book, but,if it had been true, he should have told you right away , before hooking up again.
And, he answered "yes " to your question(s) ... then silence. Don't you think that, if it had been a misunderstanding, and if he had been cared about you, he would have been eager to elaborate, to clear things up ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): There is really no way to know except to ask him. Unless someone is completely reliable and honest I would not trust their opinions or statements about this type of thing on other people. But his interaction with you so far shows he is not good at communicating directly and that he is not looking for a relationship.
What you are experiencing is why it is not a good idea to start any interaction with someone when you are drunk with it leading to sex before you know them well. It is also not a good idea to have relationships with people you work with imo.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Don't be so sad about this. Maybe this stupid text saved you from falling deeper for him. You'd never heard a good thing about him. Players are nice otherwise they wouldn't get laid. Saying "damaged and messed up" is just a way to inspire sympathy from you. You may think you could be the woman to rescue him from all this. I think it's over because his reputation is damaged and I doubt if he wants to do something to prove everyone wrong. Your coworker is backtracking because he's surprised that you quoted him and now he became the gossiper. I think you should be thankful that he told you the truth about him. One positive thing is that he learned a lesson. What he does in life affects what people think about him. He should wise up and care about his image.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 February 2011):
 I think the male friend is telling you the truth and is back peddling because you all work together and he is worried about getting involved or accused of earring the guy out . Most guys stick together even when one is a player.I am more inclined to think your mistake was sleeping with a coworker after a Christmas party hooking up again and believing his texts were romantic just because he said he had a crush on you for a long time. If that were true he would have asked you out for a proper date a long time ago. Trying to play the pity card was a manipulation tactic to keep the sexual favors going and to come up with a story you would buy to excuse his bad behavior of never pursuing you in the past.Are you really in yor mid 40's because you are behaving like a much younger girl. I think you might want to take your own inventory here on how you conduct your personal and professional life.
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