A
female
age
36-40,
*esesperada
writes:Ok, I will try to make this as short as possible.I have been with my current boyfriend for about 8 years now. There was a period of time that we werent together and I was seeing another guy. This guy( who i will call romeo) was the perfect boyfriend material. He was trustworthy, loyal, fun, caring, funny..pretty much anything a girl could ask for! ..So I made the stupid mistake of getting back with my ex and totally breaking this guys heart. Now my ex and I are thinking about getting married. Which is why i am running out of time! I still find myself thinking about Romeo EVERY DAY...I cant figure out if it is a simple case of you want what you cant have or if my feelings are legitimate. I dont know what to do. Romeo has a girlfriend now and it looks as though they are really happy together( or it did). Facebook is the ultimate source of gossip as we all know. I recently looked at his page and he is no longer listed as in a relationship but they still hang out and talk..now for the good stuff...So i emailed him about a year ago just to see how he was doing and this was his response:-If you are wondering if Im over you, the answer is yes. I have met someone who i think can make me very happy and I see myself with her for a very long time. I do not regret what happened with us but i dont think we were right for eachother....Keep in mind this was BEFORE they broke upI want to know if I should email him telling him how im feeling or if that would be pointless...he hasnt tried contacting me but for some reason i feel as though there might still be a chanceI feel horrible saying this because I am with my ex now and i love him to death but why cant I stop thinking about Romeo?? Should I let it go? and if I should let it go HOW DO I DO THAT?? someone please help I am literally running out of time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Marriage is a big step, if your thinking about another guy at the same time maybe your not ready- i personally think that you should send romeo a message just to get some kind of closure- either he dismisses ur feelings and you move on (with or without ur current bf) or he says he loves you too and wants to try and then you have a decision to make- just make sure you are aware of the consequences-
1st you bf might find that message so be careful
2nd if you decide to leave your bf for romeo i doubt he will ever give you another chance
3rd if romeo isnt interested you might need to do some soul searching and see what you really want-its ok not to want what you have sometimes...
Do you really want to wonder about him all your married life?? And as another poster said, its not very fair for your current bf.
Good luck hun!!
A
female
reader, desesperada +, writes (18 June 2009):
desesperada is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all so much with your answers!! They have really helped me think about this in a different way. I will keep you updated!!!
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female
reader, longdistancehurts  +, writes (18 June 2009):
I can understand what you're feeling.
It sounds to me as if you're interested in Romeo because he's something you can't have, and the idea of having something good worries you. Both the guy you're with now, and Romeo seem to be gentlemen from what you say... but maybe they are good in the wrong ways. Maybe you're someone who wants more of something that neither of these guys could ever give you. Otherwise you wouldn't be doubting your current boyfriend, nor have cheated on Romeo.
It seems as if you're looking for someone more daring, otherwise you wouldn't have cheated on "perfect" romeo, nor be doubting your potential fiancee.
Good luck, don't be afraid to follow gut instinct.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I had the same issue a while ago, and called off my wedding as I clearly wasnt in the right frame of mind to get married if I kept finding myself thinking of someone else. You need to really do some soul searching here, realize that if you do leave your current boyfriend you run the risk of also being rejected by romeo and therefore being completely alone. However if your leaning more towards this romeo and truly feel you would be with him if you had the chance, I dont know why it wouldnt hurt to contact him by email and just get it out of your system.. maybe it will be good news and you can move on with him, or perhaps it will be bad news and will give you the kind of closure you need to move on and be happy with your current partner. Im sure alot of people wont agree with doing that but I wont lie, Im sure I would. You ultimatly need to know what your options are if your having such a difficult time. But either way you need to make a decision if romeo does infact say he would like tobe with you, you need to leave the person your with so these feelings of yours stop and so will anymore secrecy. Good luck! Let me know how it goes!
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reader, ego  +, writes (18 June 2009):
contact romeo - your feeling are telling you to do that so you should - simple.
feelings are silly - they dont think or know or care about sense but we all know if we dont listen and respond to our silly feelings they get sad and so do we.
if you feel so strongly then theres every chance he does too - but you broke his heart once so hes not going to come to you, he'll be afraid of getting hurt again. its time for you to put your heart on the line this time - the irony of life - it comes in circles of opposites.
at the end of the day you know its not fair to marry this guy who you still reffer to as your ex when you think everyday about someone else.
trust your feelings - theres always hell to pay when you dont.
Contact Romeo!!!
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female
reader, citris  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 I think you made your choice, and that was to go back to your ex. Now you've been away from Romeo for long enough he's probably still over you whether he's dating someone else or not. I don't know if he would be willing to give you another chance to break his heart again. My answer is biased as the man I am dating had this happen to him, I am the girl he is with now and his ex has come back in his life making 'the moves' i guess you could say, on him and he has continued to keep his distance from her. They talk and are friends and I am okay with that because he continues to love me and stay with me. I have no fear that he will drop me for her because in his words he "can't trust her not to leave again and break my(his) heart."
This is not always the case, but from the email he sent it sounds like he feels that way. I would suggest you re-think getting married to your current man if you're thinking of someone else every day, as you say you are. That or accept that you made a choice and you chose to leave romeo in your past. it's ok to miss exes sometimes and think about the good things they brought to you life, but you need to remember why you left him in the first place and maybe that will help you figure things out.
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reader, Miss williamz  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Forget romeo and dont bother texting him from his response he sounds he is with so much hatred. U just used him on a rebound and now your with your settle down now let everything unfolds as it was planned..try forget him if possible try not to check out his facebook page iknow it will be hard but do that to forget him. You and your ex were meant to be. Of which i somehow dont like your idea of going back with iim but now your there and you love him stop complicating your life and stay with ur ex your ex.
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reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (18 June 2009):
I respect what it is you are saying yet when marriage is invlolved that is where you need to stop and think is my head in the right place? Then comes the question is my heart? Youve moved on, hes moved on, sometimes the past is past for a reason and it needs to stay there for all the right reasons. I feel its best for everyone if you let this one go, the only thing that is a worry is that if you wanted to let it go and you really did love your husband to be then you wouldnt have to ask the question. People find it hard to let go of the past because it meant so much, sometimes it never really needs you but then why would next time round be any different? youve both changed, your both different people living different lives. Youve found happiness dont let that go living on the what if ...
If you love this guy then forget your past and stop it wruining your future. Right now i think the bigger issue for you is whether you love this guy as much as you say you do?
Please post on your progress, hope you find the right path for you, best of luck
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reader, xcharlottex +, writes (18 June 2009):
I think this is a case of the grass is always greener on the other side, keep in mind, there's a reason you chose your bf over him, only you know what it is, but i think everything happens for a reason and you obv made the right choice for you or youu wouldn't have made that choice in the 1st place.
:)
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reader, lovingheather +, writes (18 June 2009):
 You should tell this preson how you really feel about him if you still like him and love him. Just dont give up. Tell him everything that is on your heart. hopely he will tell you how he is feeling and maybe things will work out the way you want it to be. I will keep you in my prays. from loving
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