A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it like, love, or lust?1. I see this guy and am instantly attracted to him. I fantacize about him kissing me, etc.2. I get to kinow this guy and realize that we have a lot in common.. even really random things, like favorite ice cream flavors.3. I get to know him further. He's a great person, but starts acting like a jerk and going off on strange tangents. I'm worried about him-- really worried. It makes me really stressed for a while.4. He gets better and is himself again. I'm beyond relieved. I begin to fantacize about him again.What would you call this? Either in step-by-step form or my overall relationship with this guy?What woul you say if i told you this guy is my teacher, 12 years older than me? Would your answer change?
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kissing, my teacher Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Frankly, no one can really KNOW how YOU feel. Lust or love. Your interpretation of love might be very different then let's say someone twice your age. I still say it's a crush.
If it is lust, then what?
Ditto for love?
There is a reason for the question. Just like every action will have a reaction. As you can see, there is also a lot of reactions to you question. Even if you don't agree with them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): I generally agree with everyone here. these types of things should not be pursued or obssesed over.. in fact i just finished telling a young girl this. In this particulr question though, I don't see any indication of this girl obsessing over how HE feels about HER. She only wants to sort out her feelings in her head. I also got no vibe that she will attempt anythign with the man. I feel that younger people could use a little outlook on how they feel. If anyone had given my brother somee insite when he was younger, maybe he wouldn't "fall in love" with literally, every girl he dates. And after only weeks. And maybe he wouldn't get engaged to girl after girl after girl. Who knows. Maybe if someone had told him.. "oh that's lust you're feeling honey," he wouldn't constantly mistake the happy feeling in his pants for "love." ~SY.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni didn't ask you how to seduce him or anything like that, just how i feel about him. geez.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (19 June 2009):
 The scolding is tiresome? You asked for advice...you got it...once again another instance of someone coming here to get the answers THEY WANT TO HEAR RATHER THAN WHAT THEY NEED TO HEAR!
which means your dilemma will not be solved because you refuse to listen to common sense
Well take what you want and leave the rest, since you got your feel good answer you craved
Cant wait to see you on Dr. Phil Next season
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you, SY. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I agree.
I still stick to my answer. I don't think it matters who it is you're talking about.
Like and lust..but started as lust. That's what i think.
~SY
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm not basing our compatibility on the fact that we both like the same ice cream flavor. was simply mentioning that as an example of one of the little, random things we have in common.
we also share the same values, political positions, etc.
and i'm asking you to forget about the fact that he's my teacher for a second and just answer my question: what am i feeling for this guy?
the endless scolding and warning is simply tiresome.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (18 June 2009):
My first impression and answer to your question was this is an unhealthy relationship that lacked a much needed balance and emotion etc, however as i read on i realised that the problem was it wasnt a relationship, there is too much emotion on your part and that this is lust not love. Im sorry to be blunt but its the type of situation that can never be, however it feels or why it should be right the facts are its not thats why it cant happen. Loose the thoughts, treat him as your teacher. The age didnt suprprise me, its common today i was the fact that hes your teacher, it doesnt work. Dont put all you have into something that deep down you know will reach an end before its began.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 June 2009):
I think it's more of a crush then actual love. First off he is a teacher so that SHOULD be a big no-no. You are getting all these signals from your hormones and your body. It's quite normal.
The fact that the two of you like the same ice cream is so random and pointless as far as relationship goes. It doesn't make you compatible.
To be really frank, I don't think a teacher who is close to 30 have a whole lot in common with a 16/17 year old. If he does he is majorly immature, no offense.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 June 2009):
 You just have a schoolgirl's crush not a relationship. Most people get them at your age. It will pass eventually.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (18 June 2009):
In step by Step form or in total the answer is still the same.
You are deeply infatuated at this point. You are very young and this will not be the only guy you feel this way for. There will be others...its part of growing up
I can tell since you like the same Ice Cream that this is infatuation. Using that as a barometer means that you have graduated from Hannah Montana to High School.
You have to understand that if this guy is your teacher you are treading in very dangerous waters...it obviously is your teacher, and if he is having a hand in it being you are underage and his student it is unethical at best...criminal at worst if you pursue this...oh not for you...FOR HIM!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I believe it started as lust, evolved into like. Then things got weird and you put the liking and lusting on hold to make room for doubt. But like was still simmering in the background. Then once you got passed the faulty stage, like was brought forward with it's trusty partner, lust. Answer remains no matter age and status. ~SY.
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A
female
reader, desesperada  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 It is lust! Get out now before this turns into a huge disaster that you will regret for the rest of your life. Please trust me on this..I was ina similar situation. I fell hard for someone and they ended up cheating and being verbally abusive. I AM STILL WITH HIM..i feel as though I cant get out..its been 8 years...Please do not take this any further you will regret it. best,desesperada
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