A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I am in need of advice about my husband's sister. (ugh I feel odd just typing that)My husband moved to my state from one up north to get into a college he wanted. Well of course life throws twist. He met me!(I am a mother as well) We fell in love and got married(Please note there are years involved here) Well during our "dating" years he would talk to his sister. He use to tell me how great of a women she was etc etc. He told me how she became his mother when his bio-mom lost her mind. One day in the far past, he is on the phone with her while I am driving us to work(I refuse for him to drive and be on the phone)She started screaming at him, telling him he is stupid to drop "The infested w_ore and bastard child" She said much more that has drove me insane. But I held my tongue thinking, She does not know me. So she will judge. Now-before all this I thought highly of her. So I thought I would do the best thing by saying hello to her threw Face Book. Well I wrote a very nice and lovely letter introducing myself to her and telling her what a great job she had down with her little brother. We will say i did this in Dec.During all this time that my husband and I have been together she has said many very rude things and trying to convince him to move back there with her. She got over the fact he would not leave me and said to bring us(My daughter and I) with him.In the past there was much drama, She called him once while very drunk and told him about how she is prego.***She had another little girl when she was 16 and was told if she had another child she could not carry it and pass away** Well I started to get heated, she was drinking and doing drugs while prego??? Who in their right mind does this to a baby growing inside of you!!! I was so angry so I walked out of the room. A couple more months past from that night and she has the child. Everything went well he was completely healthy and so beautiful. There are many things that she calls out on me. Yes, I am a young mother. I work, go to school, and still come home to my baby. I had a bad problem before meeting my husband. I was in a very bad relationship before him and much trouble followed. I lost my job, my place and moved back in with my mother. I dumped the chump got another and started all over again. (I didn't think that was something you could hurt someone with till my Husband sister threw that at me on the facebook reply. Which I wrote her in Dec I did not receive anything till 9 months later.)I do not understand where she has the right to say this to me. Both her children come from fathers that she says are to "f" up to be in their lives (Why sleep with them then.) She had a child that she shouldn't have (Thank god everything was okay) but then on top of it, calls me a Slut for living with my mother... This... women, moves 6x a month from house to motel to house. Couch suffering with her children and just now managed to get a job. Talk about calling the kettle black.-Now we have our own place and my mother suffered a stroke. I took it very hard and pleaded with my husband to stay another year or so with me to be with my mother. He said yes of course. His sister did not like that.While all this is happening my husband and I have been working on making our dream come true moving up north and opening a restaurant. He is an amazing Chef and has many years to follow with that statement. Well he ended up telling his sister. Now she wants in on it and is acting buddy buddy to me. I do not understand what to do? I really honestly... HATE that women. There is so much I can not even type without getting bothered. I have tried many times before this to be nice to her with no luck and many cruel words she said to me. My husband wants me to understand it's his sister, he loves her. I get that I do, I have to older brothers that are 10 something years older than me. Altho I do not like my brothers, I do love them. But his sister, she is evil and is a vamp to him. I know she will be the cause of many problems if we go threw with their plan.What do I do? Am I in the wrong? Should I keep my mouth shut and not do anything?(Please know other than this, My husband has been a wonderful father to our daughter. The best friend i always asked for. Above all else the most perfect being for me.)I'm sorry this is confusing to read... i just do not know anymore.
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female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (7 May 2012):
It was nice of her to take her brother under her wings when their mother became ill but my goodness he's a grown man now and she needs to let go, stay away from his sister
as far as you can, never do business with someone on drugs,
tell your husband you do not want to go out like that because that will be the end of your marriage. She is not the person to be buddy buddy with.
Take care
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 May 2012):
First of all, great you stood your ground. Do not waver OP. She's a spoiled brat because she's been calling the shots most of the time in her life. Well, she simply can't have everything she wants.
For me the best approach with terrible people you are stuck with in life is to ignore them whenever they are being nasty to you. If they are nasty 80% of the time, that means ignoring them 80% of the time. When she's like that, don't acknowledge her words, don't flinch, don't look at her. Simply act as though she does not exist. Pick a spot on the wall behind her if you must look, but never meet her eyes.
ONLY talk to her if she asks something reasonable or says something that isn't loaded with negativity towards you. It's basic psychology. Encourage good behavior, ignore the bad. Don't let her words hurt you. If you do, it means you value her opinion and you should not. People like her are simply not worth fussing over.
Easier said than done though, I know that...
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (6 May 2012):
 I think it's good you stood your ground and told him how it's going to be.
If he doesn't agree with how you want things, then you won't be a part of what he wants to do.
Never give up on what you want and what you believe in.
Say no to the evil sister.
Lord have mercy, why would she ever in her right mind think that she even deserves to be a part of a married relationships business. Ugh.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, Thank you for everything you have all said.
I can not say for sure if she is still under the influence. I'm not there, although she said she is clean (I do not believe it.)
We are already in consoling and this has come up but of course they end up getting heated, so I just said another time. Maybe that was bad on my behalf but still.
He has told me so many stories of the positive and quite negative "teachings" of his sister. Even now I give her respect for what she has done for him. I always promised myself I would never turn into the wife that say's "choose me or choose her" kinda deal. Yet. I would LOVE to say that I know it is wrong. I feel that we can talk with her and make it work. -I'm honestly praying this solution will work.
He really has never done anything but tell his sister it was wrong what she has done and said. But he backs down whenever he talks to her. It's like she has power over him. I can't say he has been the best with this problem, but he could be far much worse.
She had mentioned that she would come down here and spend a couple of weeks w/him. (I say him cause if she shows me ANY disrespect I'm hitting the hotel room) I figured that would (if it happens) be a good time to tell her "No" with joining us. We worked to hard for something like this to effect what we have. He say's she can cook something that is suppose to make me be okay with it.
I told him last night that if he does not want me as the partner in this business then I refuse to invest time,money,sweat,tears and blood. I just can NOT do that when I have any fears from this women. I honestly think she want's the money and a place to lay her head. While I will be watching all the kids... I'm not for this. I do love her children they are beautiful and should not be to blamed for their mother's mistakes. But I can not destroy or put my future on hold for her kids. I have my child that I made the commitment of giving her a future. ---Does that sound at all good? I felt as tho I step on his toes with some of the words I said.
Thank you all again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2012):
 How did your husband handle her when she spoke ill of you?
Personally, I would cut the communication to the barest minimum with her and advice as "nicely" as possible to your husband not NOT bring the sister into the restaurant.
It's hard because she is for all intent and purpose his "mom" after all SHE raised him. But I would still not want her in the business. There have to be other ways he can help her out.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 May 2012):
 WOW!!! Talk of a submittal that is "buckshot" of bits and pieces and no clear question is included.... May I offer an opinion based on what I THINK you have written????i.e.: You and hubby are planning to move "up north" and open a restaurant.... and S-i-L wants in on it, no????Assuming "yes," then you - and hubby, in a united front - say to her, "We're sorry... but this is OUR enterprise... conjured up and financed and operated by us.... and there is NO PLACE IN IT FOR YOU.... so, please go on with your life separate from us and our enterprise."You may, reasonably, expect/predict a nasty response from her.... but.... "What's new?????"Don't let your hubby's sister have any impact on what goes on between you and him. She's shown, quite clearly, that she is toxic to the two of you... so why even communicate with her?????Sound cold? It is.... but then, so is life, sometimes. Good luck...
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 Hi there
Yes he will love his sister,she was his 'mum'.they were affected badly by their childhood and your husband is lucky to have come through it and met you. Part of that is because of his sister so she is not all bad
I feel she wants her brother to help take care of her now, in return, maybe she has similar problems to her mum.She needs stability and sees your husband as it.She needs counselling too.She has probs missed him being close by and blames you in a way for keeping him there all these years.
I totally see your point of view also, she is in your marriage,she is family and will always be there somewhere. Maybe the saying "keep your friends close & your enemies closer" could be true in this case.Try and see how it goes if and when you move.
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (5 May 2012):
You will have to handle this situation with kid gloves, but at the same time, hold your ground and be firm. His sister means you no good. She seems to try and control him, always trying to pull rank over you because she is his older sister and the fact that she took the place of their mom, gives her a sense of "You Owe Me".
BY NO MEANS....DO NOT LET HER IN YOUR BUSINESS!!! I can't express that enough. She will play buddy, buddy with you until she can get in his ear and try to take over! It will fail if you allow her to be apart of it. Keep her at arms lenght and in another state if you can. Don't allow her to live with you and don't allow her to work for you. She will be the dimise of your marriage.
I have seen this situation many times with siblings, mothers, children who cause much drama in a relationship because they want to be number 1, they want attention and to control their loved one. Your sister in law has enough garbage going on in her life and if you allow her to put it on your plate....you will forever regret it.
Get some marriage counseling...FAST! This will help your husband to see that having her apart of your business is a bad idea and also that you are a new couple and you need time for each other. She has not shown you any respect over the last year and her trying to be apart of anything with you guys considering her past will not be in your best interest. Keep the family ties seperate from the business for as long as you can. Do not give in to her at all. Keep her out of your marriage and your business!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): his sister is a big hypocrite.
I think you should tell your husband that he has to choose who he wants as his business partner - either you or his sister. And that if she joins in on the business, you will not be involved in it.
what does she have to offer the restaurant business? is she a good cook? does she have experience running a business?
I don't see why she has to get involved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Ok so she's on drugs? She's oviously crazy probally the drugs and is overprotective but I wouldn't let her in she will probally rob it for her drugs or something he might want to though bc she raised him unfortunatly a sticky situation 4 u but talk 2 ur husband and if he wants her in have stricked rules 4 her and if she don't follow she's out tell ur husbannd that so u both have a win win
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (5 May 2012):
Ignore the sister as much as possible.
Do not contact her at all for any reason.
If you are forced to see her at a family event, kill her with kindness... say hi, ask how she's doing and smile.
Ask your husband not to tell her anything about you unless it's a praise.
And try your very best not to think of her.
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