A
male
age
41-50,
*he13th_Floor
writes:It hurts so much to write this right now. I never imagined being even remotely close to cheated on but from the investigating I've done, the mere thought appears to be the inevitable...I've been with my wife for 9 years. She's 26 and I'm 30. We have a 3 year old son together and this is our first marriage. Things were getting somewhat rocky as my wife has been in Nursing school for the past 3 years, and we've been surviving off my income. We own a house, 2 cars and are pretty much able to do whatever we want.It all started after my father died in 2007. I had severe anxiety over this and for a while, I was having a hard time getting over it. I was really stressed out due to working in the I.T. field where working from home was often requested, but it didn't really seem to have a strain on our relationship until 2009. My wife is from Germany and I met her as a soldier in 2001 and brought her back to the states in 2005. No, she didn't just want a Greencard. In fact, she was dying to go back to Germany so our son would have a better life and I could finally quit my job and day trade for a living. The plan was to struggle until she graduated Nursing school and I would get her a job in Germany.In October of 2010, I got a job opportunity in Germany from a friend making great money. After talking it over with the wife, she advised that I take it while we had the chance. I left the states and took my son. I got here and was crushed. I suddenly realized how much I loved and missed my wife and also how much I neglected her as far as date nights, outings and so on. I called her often and apologized for taking her for granted and it seemed she understood due to the fact that I had all of the financials on my shoulders hence the stress.After about a month in Germany, the phone calls and chatting started to become few and far between. I found out that she met some dude in the Airforce from one of her Nursing classmates at a country bar. I didn't think much of it at the time because according to his Facebook profile picture, he was a red headed, freckle faced dork and she told me about him.After 2 months in Germany, she came to visit for Christmas for 24 days. Even before she came, I knew that I had only 3 weeks while she was here to rekindle and WOW her before she went back to the states to start her next semester. Well, the first week she was here, she acted very reserved. On the 6th day, I asked her why. She said she doesn't know why, but she feels that she loves me more as a friend more than a husband...I was completely crushed, guys. It hurt so bad to hear that. So, instead of crying or saying, 'after all I've sacrificed for you' bla bla, I told her I understand how you feel and although I can't change your feelings, we need to be civil for our son. My response was, 'lets just be friends for the time you're here and take things slow to see what happens.' No lovey dubby stuff, no nothing. That same day we were out all day as 'friends.' I had her laughing in the car, joked around, went to dinner and gave her a piggy back ride back to the car. By the end of the day, she told me she fell in love with me all over again!I had other talks with her about this during her time here and asked why she didn't tell me how she felt before so I could work on it in the states instead of moving out of the country. She said she was scared to tell me because of my anxiety issues which were almost completely non-existant before I left.She went back to the States and called me crying on the phone wishing she was back with us. Honestly, I actually fed off her sadness and it made me know she still loved me. After about a month of her being back, the texting and calls started to fade again. I thought FOR SURE it was because of her intense Nursing program, but fast forward to February 18th of 2011...I Skyped with her for about 30 minutes and asked what she was doing over the weekend. She said she wasn't sure, but thought she would spend the weekend at her friends house to get away. She was also getting her hair done that same day. Saturday rolls along, the next day, and I logged into my email using a different browser while Mozilla was updating. Her email signed in automatically and I found a hotel reservation for ***1 King bed and 2 adults.*** The reservation was in Idaho about 20 minutes from the Airforce base this dude was stationed at. I also noticed that the time the reservation was made was 20 minutes BEFORE we Skyped the previous day. That's lie number 1.Pissed as all hell, I sent her a Blackberry messenger text asking 'where are you?' She received the message but no response. It was 10:30am in Germany and 3am in Idaho where she was. 7 hours later she texted me and 'sorry, I was passed out sleeping.' I asked what she ended up doing for the weekend and her response was, 'eat, drink, sleep, you?' I texted back saying you forgot to mention that you drove 10 hours to Idaho, 20 minutes from that red headed f*cks base. She said yes, I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd be worried, but nothing is happening, we're just good friends. I texted back and said 'you're busted, you drove to Idaho, booked a room with 1 bed for 2 adults.' Then, this is the awesome part.... The dude that was with her had the f*cking nerve to text back and say, 'dude, I'm here with my girlfriend and the 3 of us were just about to go have breakfast, and you need to have more faith in your wife.'A little background: I'm 30, well educated, ex soldier of 5 years. His background: 20 years old, in the Airforce for less than 2. I called her phone and didn't get an answer, of course. They were obviously scared. I called again and my wife answered and I told her to put 'HIM' on the phone. For about 10 minutes, I completely punked him and made him look like a coward and his age really showed through. He said, 'dude, I'm here with my girlfriend, man!' So I asked to talk to her and OF COURSE, he said she was downstairs and unavailable. I don't need to go on about the confrontation. It's obvious. I did some investigating later on and was able to hack into her mobile phone account. From February 12th to February 18th, the 2 of them exchanged over 450 messages in only a week! Remember earlier I mentioned that she was hardly even messaging me? Now you see why. This guy has been texting, calling and meddling since he first met her in Novemember a few months before. So, here's the time line of events to put it all into perspective for you:I left the states for 2 months, she met this guy, she came to Germany to visit and fell less in love with me. I got some of the love back before she left, she got home missing the hell out of me, and this guy continued his seduction. She fell back out of love with me, lied about her weekend, found out that the guy was leaving for Afghanistan at the end of the month, booked a hotel room for 2 adults and 1 bed in Idaho, lied about it when I called, cried, moaned and pleaded, her boyfriend got punked hard, and now they're both back at home living in fear. His military career is at stake, and I'm going to contact his commander with all of my proof. Her entire life was just thrown down the sh*tter. I am her sole means of support and can cut it off whenever I choose. I also have his cell number, email address and even better, his mother's email address. Yay me. I'm currently planning the assault on him.As for her, all joking aside, guys, I love her more than any person on the planet. I would take a bullet for her. I gave up my entire career to get a job in a foreign country to bring her back home after she graduated school in the states at the end of 2011 and this is how she repays me. I still don't have 100 percent proof, but I think you guys would agree that there's only 1 possible conclusion. She doesn't even have to admit it. As a matter of fact, in the rare event that she DIDN'T sleep with him, the situation still looks way too suspicious to ever even trust her again anyway.I'm not a pushover, I've always told myself that if I was ever cheated on, she'd be out the door. I'm a good looking guy and have so much to offer another woman, but... Crys... She's my everything! I'm torn apart. I literally have to walk into the other room so my 3 year old son doesn't ask why his 30 year old daddy is is crying. I want to tell her family and friends as I don't have anyone I trust to talk to, but I don't want to ruin her reputation with the people she knows, plus it would be incredibly embarassing to me if anyone knew I, big pimpin, life of the party guy, was cheated on. Not trying to sound arrogant, I'm not at all, but I just thought it would never happen to me. My life doesn't belong on Maury Povich or Cheaters. So, Monday evening, it's a holiday, I haven't heard from her since Saturday afternoon. I know she wants to salvage our relationship just because I know her, but she's also scared sh*tless because she can't lie to save her life. I'm too smart for that and can see right through her and she knows it. Plus the physical evidence speaks for itself. I won't sugarcoat this, I've been cheated on and there's no doubt in my mind. My plan is to keep paying for her schooling so she can get a job when she gets back to Germany. What good is she here if she can't even support herself or help support our son. I'll give her the bare minimum allowance just enough to survive. I was already scheduled to visit her with my son for 10 days in March. Awkward? Yup! She's also scheduled to spend her entire summer off from school here in May. Awkward? Definitely, but I will remain her friend and civil. Apologies from her will help, but will mean nothing to me. I need to start the healing process now and won't ever heal if I remain together with her as husband and wife. She betrayed me and will now have to live with it for the rest of her life.Leaving her in the states alone to finish school is absolutely no excuse for her to wander. She wakes up every morning with money in her account, a car to drive, school, food, gas, hair all paid. She says she's stressed. Gee golly, what a stressful life to live.My advice for the next guy or girl - No matter how much money you have, how big your house or how many children you have, you MUST not take the relationship for granted and get too comfortable. Date nights are so important! Take your husband or wife out with you, show them a good time! Show them you're still the person they met no matter how many years ago. Lastly, don't ever cheat on someone who works in Information Technology. We have access to everything, dummies.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, unabletofly  +, writes (1 March 2011):
Leave her. Do not worry for your son go back to your home-country.Keep your son near you. Send her away with no money. assault that red head as soon as possible.
My friend show no mercy and be a real man. and you can be sure about that you have %100 proof but your feeling not let you to see truths..
Good luck.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Thanks for the update. I know this is an incredibly difficult time for you, but it's good that you're getting to the bottom of the problems you two are facing.
In my eyes, communication is the most important part of a relationship. It literally affects everything. If we can't trust the person we've chosen as our life partner with our thoughts, who can we trust? When communication breaks down, small situations that could have easily been handled grow into something that can destroy a relationship. I know you realize this, and I hope your wife is beginning to realize this as well.
You have a difficult road ahead of you. Once trust is gone, it takes a very long time to get back, but it's not impossible if BOTH people work on it. It will take a lot of effort from both of you though. Best wishes.
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male
reader, The13th_Floor +, writes (24 February 2011):
The13th_Floor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFebruary 24th. I finally got my wife to call me this past Tuesday evening. She told me that there's no way for her to prove that nothing happened because of the information I have so trying to would be a waste of time. I asked her why she drove to Idaho, why there was only 1 bed in the hotel room, why she lied about his girlfriend being with them and why she's texting him so much.
Her answers - She drove to Idaho because she wanted to get out of town and away from her intense Nursing school for the 3 day weekend. The week before she left, she had 2 exams and a quiz, which she passed with flying colors, so she's definitely not slacking on her studies. She said booked 1 bed because she was the only one sleeping in it and 2 adults because she might have scrolled down to it not purposely. (That part is still a little cloudy) About his girlfriend being there, she lied because she had no other way to make me believe her. As for all of the text messages, she said she texts him between studying and many of the messages were just short answers like LOL, LMAO, HAHA ETC.
She said she is so consumed in her studies that she just had to let loose for a weekend and that her and him are good friends. He makes her laugh, gives her "relationship advice," and keeps her days somewhat normal outside of school. Basically, he's just a woman's friend who happens to be a guy.
Does you still think she cheated? Check this out - I asked her if she would break all communication off with him if I asked her to. Her response, "yes, if you wanted me to I would." I then asked her if she "wanted" to stop talking to him. She said, "no, he's just a good friend." To me, she couldn't have given me a more honest answer. It's telling me now that there's a good chance they ARE just good friends and why would she want to break that up?
My wife is alone in the states right now and doesn't have any real friends to talk to or trust. She can't just stay at home and do nothing or talk to no one. I think she's right here. I told her that it's going to take me some time to get over this, but I will get past it. We also talked about our relationship in general. We laughed, cried, heard harsh realities and were very honest with each other.
After the phone conversation, which was one and a half hours, she started texting me and relayed a message that this guy just sent her. He said, "If I were him, I'd be on my way to kick my own ass." "I should have thought about the possible consequences before this was planned." "I never meant for this outcome." "I appreciate your husband being so rational after a thing like this and for that, he is a better man than I."
I texted back and said, "my assault on your life is canceled until further notice. It takes a real man to be confronted by such beauty and not take advantage of her vulnerability. Respect."
His response, "I would never dream of it, it goes against the grain." I found out he was a Christian from his Facebook page and holds his faith seriously. She told me that this guy told her to pick 1 thing she likes about me every day, and motivated her to keep on trying for the sake of the past 9 years not going to waste, and for our little boy. Can you believe that? This guy might have possibly HELPED my marriage.................
Later that night, my wife started texting me again and we began talking about the reasons for all of her reservations towards me. The final verdict - She no longer feels sexually attracted to me and hasn't for over a year. OUCH! Very hard to hear those words, but it explains so much. Ladies, ever find your boyfriend or husband asking/begging for sex, but you giving to them gets harder and harder because you don't want to? Ever wonder why? Low sex drive is usually the first assumption, I imagine, but is it?
My take on the subject, from my own personal experience, is this. In the beginning of a relationship, couples engage in sexual pleasure often, but as they start to get comfortable, sex becomes over-ridden by stress from work, achieving goals, children and other life factors. After getting comfortable, you know, farting, burping, nose picking in front of each other, for lack of better examples, it gets harder to serenade your wife and get her in the mood. So instead, us guys just ask for it!
Think about it. If you plan a night with your wife that included a massage, flowers, music or whatever, without telling her, what are the chances that right before that moment say, while brushing your teeth in the bathroom together, she lets a huge fart rip? Do you still think she'd be open to a night of passion? Maybe, lol, but it scares me off...
Unfortunately, and as some of you amazing people have commented, my wife's communication skills are lacking. In fact, they're lacking so bad that she waited over a year to tell me and after I left the country. This lack of communication is what now has given me less than a 10% chance to make my marriage work. Can you really become sexually attracted to someone after not being so for so long? I doubt it, and my wife is dropping hints that she thinks so as well.
She wants our marriage to work, and said that she will try to change on her end too, but I know that not living together will make it so much harder. Even when she was here over Christmas, she admitted that the time we spent together was perfect, even AFTER she fell less in love with me before she came, but she worries that we'll eventually fall back into the same boat we were in when our marriage started to turn sour after she moves here.
What she doesn't realize (or doesn't care to make herself realize)is that I know what she wants, what she misses and how to be attractive physically, sexually and emotionally and will give it all to her without being pushy or locking her down. The thing is, I've come to the realization that if our marriage doesn't work out, it won't be because of me. It will be because of her. She waited too long to tell me that she wasn't sexually attracted and it's probably too late to fix it. Communication is key and she's been locked out for a long time.
So, we ended our conversation with both of us wanting to give things another try, and she agreed to hold off on completely letting go until after she moves here and we get established and such. She understands that we need to live together for a while in Germany in order for this "last chance" thing to possibly work.
As of now, I have only a slight chance to change her mind, guys, but I will start on March 17th - 27th when I visit her, and she'll be here for the entire Summer just one and a half months later in May. Unfortunately, our flame doesn't even burn bright enough to see in the dark, but it's up to her and I to slowly rekindle the damage her lack of communication has caused. Yea, I said it. The damage "she" caused. I could have changed, I could have been more passionate, I could have taken her out more, but sometimes people need a kick in the ass before realizing it and my ass feels fine.
For your generosity in posting on this thread, I will be sure to update you on what happens. You never know, maybe after March or over the Summer our flame just might burn enough to light a small firework. Either way, you'll be the first to know. I appreciate all of your thoughts, kind and harsh words, and your experiences as well. It means a lot to me. Good luck to all of you.
Oh and chickpea2011, I'm so sorry about your mother. I know how you feel, I really really do. If my relationship doesn't work out, at least I'll know that the next one will be so much better after what I've learned and what I expect from a woman. The same goes to you!
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (23 February 2011):
 I am in love with you...JK.
Sorry I am joking & sorry about your wife. I also found out my bf/boyfriend of 10yrs cheated on me. It was 7mos ago & still hurts. I know how you feel, I also lost my mom around the same time I met him, so I am sorry about your dads passing, it has been 10yrs I lost my mom & there's no a day that goes by I don't think of her, people say it gets easier w/time? Not for me, I still cry almost daily cause I miss her so much.
You sound like an amazing man, husband, father, very mature, educated, responsible for your age. I wish I could give you some advice, but you know better.. I know ur wife is not a bad person, but she's weak. I don't understand & symphatize w/people that lie & cheat. To me honesty is the best way..
I've been crying for 7mos, shaking, embarassed, shocked, lost self esteem, confidence, hurt, angry, just a complete mess, I am sure you have all these emotions too.
You've been married 9 years but both of u are very young, I am not taking ur wifes side, but she's probably confused, have her own issues, doesn't know how to communicate, just because ur they way ur, smart, doesn't mean people are the same.. Maybe ur wife is (w/all the respect) immature about relationship, looks like u were her 1st serious boyfriend..now husband.
2days not calling, I think she's very scared of you, give some thoughts, you have to talk to her before making a serious decison.. Ur married, have a beautiful son together. Mine case was easy, we were not married, no kids, it was just painful, betrayed by someone you trust the most, waste of 10years. I just hate the person I am today, I lost the sense of innocence & the ability of trusting people...
Anyways, wish you the best luck, hope you feel better soon & best luck to you marriage. Keep us update. MR I.T man..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Well wow you are a great man! but you should of know something was up when she let you take her son, mothers don't like to be separate from their kids i know i would just about die if i was away from my kids attending school or not! And i am so glad you are a strong man that has the courage to do all your doing even thought you say you still love her! good for you there is not allot of men like you out there! Take care of your self and your son and hope you have a great and happy life you deserve it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): OK, a lot going on right now. Too much really.Let me take a deep breath and say what's on my mind:- I am glad you busted her sorry a$$. This cheater has been exposed . Great. Now what?- yes report her lover to his unit. End his career. In fact destroy him. There is a code in the military and force (or any other brotherhood??) That if you hurt one of your own, u are finished.Make certain this chap knows who rated him out. You owe him nothing.- why still pay for your 'worthless' wifes existence. She made u a cockold and you want to still provide for her. No way! Kick her to the curb. She used your funds to fund her trysts with her lover.- you left your beloved country - you sacrificed your happiness to go to a alien land for her. - while you are slogging, she is out f*cking??????Mr. I am glad you got the evidence of her cheating. Feed her to the wolves.Too many men who sacrifice their lives for the country find out that their women have been running amock at home. Enough. Men in the force/combat unit are endangering their lives and their 'dutiful' wives at home are playing around.Your story can serve as an inspiration to other men who have experienced similar. Just as you execute your orders on the field, you need to execute the orders in your marriage.I know you are angry and hurt by this betrayal. But by still making financial provisions for her, you just make her actions seem more vile.Get rid of her OP. This woman will destroy your life.Take care LoveGirl
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reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 "I'm realy worried that she might do something that she doesn't need to do." Have one of her girlfriends check on her as soon as possible.
As Battista said "I know that I hate sleeping in a single bed and always book a double even if I'm on my own." I do the same thing for safety/security. I was robbed in 2003. No one needs to know when I'm traveling alone.
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (22 February 2011):
Hi OPYour post made me very sad, but at the same time I was so impressed at how you are keeping it all together for your son.Just aside from everything else, I was wondering about a bit of clarification. Do you know for sure that she booked a room and two adults stayed in it, or could it be a case that she simply booked a double room, but only used it herself. I know that I hate sleeping in a single bed and always book a double even if I'm on my own. I know this might sound a bit trivial but it could be important. Is there any way you could perhaps contact the hotel for confirmation maybe? I am only saying this because yes it does look very suspicious, but I don't think it is cut and dried. I do also think that if she says she might have been trying not to trigger your anxiety issues she may be telling the truth, even though I know you say that they were non-existent at that stage. By default you must be under a lot of stress living apart from each other, and she might have had this in mind.Nevertheless in my opinion it is better to be honest in these situations if there is nothing going on which shouldn't be. Please post back OP if there is any development.Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Yes, she cheated, but I think you should probably reserve the majority of your anger and resentment you have for your wife, not this guy. She cheated on you, not him!
You may think that you handled this situation really well by "punking" the guy and ruining his career. Perhaps you feel better monitoring him and her via Skype and the internet, but what happens when you have to see your wife face to face and live with the fact that she lied to you and abused your trust.
You've made this whole thing about you...probably because you want to get a handle on it some how. You literally blame yourself for her cheating. Then you go after the guy. What about her?
This is not a story you can wrap up with advice about date night. Seriously. More than going after this guy, and then mapping out your wife's life plan , I think you need to have a heart to heart with her. The problem is not solved yet. If I were in her shoes, I would think you care more about your defending your own ego than me. I know you're angry, but I think the anger is totally misdirected. You need counseling with your wife or she will cheat again.
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (22 February 2011):
 I’m so sorry you are hurting right now. I can’t imagine what it will be like having to see your wife in March. After you’ve had a chance to cool down and accept what has happened, you may decide to work things out with your wife, for the sake of your son. If you don’t think you can ever trust her again, it might be best if you moved on. Only you can make that decision..
At this point, what do you plan to do about your marriage, your job, living arrangements, and custody of your son? Do you plan to stay in Germany, so you can share custody of the child?
Please keep us updated. Keep your chin up!
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male
reader, The13th_Floor +, writes (22 February 2011):
The13th_Floor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou have all given me great answeres with different perspectives and I really do appreciate it. She still hasn't contacted me, and I'm starting to get really worried about her. I know she's so scared, but she doesn't have to be. Yes, our marriage is on the way out, but we can still be friends. No one has to know about this, but because I haven't talked to her, she doesn't realize it. I sent her a text asking her to tell me if she got home okay. I told her I was hurt, but that I know she's going through hell now too. Her phone is turned off because the message I sent has not been recieved.
I'm realy worried that she might do something that she doesn't need to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Man, I know what it feels like to do everything for someone then have them turn around and take a big crap on you!! If I were you, I'd stop supporting her and let her look after herself, or better still let her toyboy take care of her. She doesn't sound like she's sorry to be honest. If I was about to lose somebody I loved, I'd be calling them all the time, telling them how stupid I was etc. But then again I probably wouldn't do what she has.I'd say stop supporting her, she's an adult who is no longer part of your life, by her choice. Remain civil for the sake of your son, (although she obviously cares about herself more than your son), but move on, find somebody who loves and appreciates you just as much a you do them. Find somebody who deserves you. It might feel like youll never love or trust anyone again, but trust me you will.
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reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (21 February 2011):
"His military career is at stake" Hell ya, it is."I'm currently planning the assault on him." Not so fast. You can tell a lot about the honor of a man by the way he "ends things"."I love her more than any person on the planet. I would take a bullet for her." I would say you just have."this is how she repays me." I know it's hard if not impossible but try not to think in these terms. With unconditional love there is no "repay" or keeping score. You just live all out for each other."I think you guys would agree that there's only 1 possible conclusion." I do not agree but it doesn't matter what me or anyone else says. What matters is what you think and feel."the situation still looks way too suspicious to ever even trust her again anyway." Not trust her today but tomorrow is a new day."I don't want to ruin her reputation with the people she knows" this is honorable."incredibly embarassing to me if anyone knew I, big pimpin, life of the party guy, was cheated on." Your true friends will not let you feel embarrassed. As far as I can tell, you've done nothing to feel embarrassed about, yet. So keep it that way."She betrayed me and will now have to live with it for the rest of her life." If this is true, and I'm not saying it is, but if this is true she is already going through a hell of her own. The worst kind of hell is the hell you make for yourself."Lastly, don't ever cheat on someone who works in Information Technology. We have access to everything, dummies." You can sure say that again."My wife cheated on me 2 days ago, would you agree?" From what I've read, I would not agree, not yet.I wish there was some way you and your wife could be living in the same house again as soon as possible.If it's any consolation I have walked away from situations without "cheating". Situations I should have seen comin but didn't. All I'll say is some women have a strange idea of what a "friend" is. I pray you find peace soon, especially for your son's sake.
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reader, ClearEyes +, writes (21 February 2011):
I'm clearly no wise-sage, I'm only young, but I can say that it would be very immature of you to ruin the other guy's life. As a guy yourself, you know as well as I do that your wife had to simply reject the guy and he would have stalked away as MOST guys looking for a simple hook up do. Have some respect for a fellow serviceman, I'm sure he was very horny, your wife CHOSE to indulge him, that is not his fault.
Actually being immature myself, I would cut her off, I would immediately divorce her not because she cheated on you, but because she lied. I'm sure you would have no problem retaining your son. I would hate to be in your position, and plan to keep both of your tips in the back of my mind for the rest of my life.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 February 2011):
Sorry this happened to you. I agree with your course of action, although I'd be tempted to cut her off and claim full custody of your child.
Good luck going forward. This will not be easy.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (21 February 2011):
 It does sound very suspicious, and you do have your head screwed on about things, good for you!
The healing will take time, and i love the fact that you are willing to be friendly and civil whilst your son gets to spend time with both of you.
Yes it'll be hard, yes it'll be awkward, but i admire you for your strength and courage. All the best :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Tell her that if she didn't cheat then she wouldn't mind taking a polygraph to prove it. You have more than enough evidence for reasonable suspicion that she did.
Those tests are not entirely reliable but that's beside the point. If she's guilty then she won't wanna take it. So the question is probably gonna get answered either way.
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