A
male
age
30-35,
*ewhocorruptsinc
writes:I have been dating this girl for almost a year and a half, she is 5 years older than me and maybe this September we will be going our own ways. She may be in other cities pursuing school.I have to option of completing my degree where she would be going to school but I am actually hoping to go to school in the other city because I feel like I am not that attracted to her anymore.She is the greatest person ever, she's gonna be a doctor, and we never fight, and we just have everything in common, but she is definitely talking about being together forever and I feel like I do not have the capability to go through with that.I do love and care about her but I feel like this is a very serious path that I am not ready to tread, and I don't know how to tell her this without hurting her. We used to have sex every day, and now it's once a week if I feel like it. She was very cuddly with me tonight in bed ( I recently moved out with her) and I really didn't want to cuddle with her, and I don't know why. I am hoping to get into school in Vancouver while she is in Calgary and explain everything to her when we get our results but I sometimes feel the need to tell her abotu it now. She is five years older than me and really wants to settle down and I don't think I can do that at the moment, what do I do?
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female
reader, uroboros  +, writes (16 January 2012):
you can't wait until the results, you really should tell her now, that's only fair.
she will be hurt, and she will suffer, but if you care about her as you said you need to be honest.
explain her that you want different things in life, and you can't stop her accomplishing her goals. sooner or later she will understand.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 You tell her the truth ASAP and brace for the onslaught and tears.
she won't take it well....
I'm sorry for both of you... whether the breaker or the breakee, ending a relationship because you are not on the same page or timetable is harder than anything for both of you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 January 2012):
 You tell her you don't want what she wants and you part ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): I think this is a pretty common scenario, and a big reason why older woman / younger man relationships don't often work out. Generally speaking, men and women are on different timetables anyway... the female biological clock compels many to desire settling down and starting a family by age 30 or so, while men often have no problem waiting for those things until later. So I don't blame you at all for realizing where your girlfriend wants things to go and knowing that you're not prepared to go there with her.
That said, you do owe it to your girlfriend to be honest with her. If you're losing attraction, not desiring of sex and don't feel like she's "the one" you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you need to communicate that to her. She deserves to know that you view the relationship as OK for now, but not something you see lasting a lifetime. Since you recently moved in with her she probably thinks things are progressing along smoothly, just as she wants. Don't be shocked if she immediately wants to break up with you and is upset, feeling that you've "wasted her time".
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (10 January 2012):
 I just broke up with my (13 year younger) BF because I could actually tell he felt like you do now. I've sensed that lack of committment for months. And it wore down the relationship even faster because I beat my head against the wall, trying to resuscitate a non-existent dead love. Break this off now. Quit wasting her time. Quit giving her mixed messages (you want to be with her right now but not forever). That's NOT FAIR. Man-up and do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 January 2012):
 You need to tell her ASAP. Dont wait any longer.
There is no way to say this without hurting her, discussions like this will always be painful. But it will hurt her more to waste her time with someone who doesnt want the same thing as her.
What you have to keep in mind with women is that we have this 'biological clock' issue. So you are 22, she will be 27? That means in her head she knows she is getting close to 30, which is when it starts to get more difficult to have children. So in her head she needs to start settling down now (i.e. moving in together, getting married etc) so she is ready to have children in the next few years.
So if you stay with her any longer without telling her how you feel, she will resent you so much more when you do come to tell her because she is wasting precious time with someone who doesnt want what she wants.
She will want someone who shares the same ideas about the future, and if you dont you have to tell her NOW so she has the chance to decide if she is happy to wait for you to be 'ready' or whether she wants to move on and find a man closer to her own age who can give her what she wants.
Dont waste anymore of her time, you have to tell her right away so she can make a decision on what she wants to do next.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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