A
female
age
30-35,
*xhelpmexx
writes:My mum has MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and uses a walking stick most of the time. But even when she does not use a walking stick, she totters around and can barely walk. She cries most of the time and is very depressed. Dad has told her he is leaving her as he has been unhappy for years and cannot cope with her illness any longer. He is a property developer and has over 60houses and he is very stressed due to his marriage and he does this with houses to escape this life. Obviously Mum is distraught, so what i am about to write seems evil to tell my mum: I can't remember when exactly, but a while ago i checked my dads text messages inbox and discovered that he was having an affair. There were only about 4 texts and i realised that she wanted to end it because she did not want it to get messy (she was also married with children). I still do not to this day know who this woman is, but i have not told anyone about this affair so as to not brake up my parents marriage. My dad did not save messages to his 'sent items' so i applied this setting on his phone. Since then whenever i get the chance to, i look at his phoone and i hadn't for a while until 8 days ago when i found messages like 'love you' and 'what time shall we meet' in his inbox and i broke down in tears. So i got the number and something was telling me to look on my mums phone to search for the number and realised that it was my mums best friends number! Now I have this life shattering secret and do not know who to tell. Do I tell? Please help because this is tearing me up inside.
View related questions:
affair, best friend, depressed, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Hi:My mom had ALS and my dad left her for another woman. The marriage was on the rocks for years and they only stuck together because of us. It was very hard at first, but my mom ended up enjoying herself for another summer and even had a boyfriend before she passed away a few years later. I would tell you dad to go sooner than later, so she has some energy left to enjoy her live. I know this is really hard.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 September 2007):
 You owe it to your mum. It's bad enough this is happening, but if she finds out, and finds out that you knew. Resentment and anger could go in many different directions.I would ask my dad for mum's sake to tell her himself. Give a time limit, and let him know by telling her is not about not loving him, it's about loving your mum too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): I might be able to help you!. I have been married for 8 years and I got diagnosed with MS, nearly 3 years ago now.The difficulties a family faces with this type of disease is at time overwhelming and scarey, for your mum and your dad. My husband, 4 months ago, cheated on me with a friend of ours!. Same as your mums situation but I found out almost immediately through my own discovery. It devastated me, being sick and knowing your marriage wasn't as strong as you thought. Don't tell your mum. Tell your dad as others have said that you know what is going on. Tell him that he has put you in a very difficult and stressful situation and he needs to help you in dealing with this.Your Mum will probably have a doctor or nuerologist, someone that may monitor her, I think you should find someone like this to talk to about the potential impact on your mum. Multiple Sclerosis is particularly effected by stress and depression is also part of the disease. Your mums tears may just be needing perhaps anti-depressants to supress emotional troubles, I was on them and it help me function better. My situation with the news of my husband cheating brought on a major attach and I have just come out of hospital - so the news will hurt her deeply and your dad is the one who needs to handle this. Your too young and it is too big of an issue for your to handle alone. Search high and low for "a real friend of your mums" to help you. Tell your dad to do the same, she's having a shit of a time as it is, I know. Hopefully before all of this news comes out she, or you, will have a team of loving kind people standing strong to help. I have found that the bible and prayers help with my pain and it gives me strength. Look after yourself, you sound like an awesome daughter. x x x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 Honey, keep it to yourself. What a horrid situation you're in. Yes, I agree with the other aunts, tell your dad you know about it and tell him how hurt you are by is and how disappointed you are in him. This may help him realise what he's actually doing by him knowing how you feel.
I also agree that you should not let this secret eat away at you. It's not your fault that your dad's being like this so don't let it become your problem.
Your Mum's got an awful lot on her plater right now. Just be there for her and tell her you love her and that you will support her.
I hope this helps.
I'm sorry to hear of the situation that you're in.
Take care honey. xx
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (3 September 2007):
 Hi
If your father is leaving soon, then no, i wouldnt tell her. I would let HIM know that you know, and for him to do the right thing! But not your mum. Although if its her mate she will find out at some point! I feel for you.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (3 September 2007):
 I feel your mum has enough problems right now. Is she close to this best friend? Does she see her and confide in her? You need to look at the facts here, your dad is leaving the marriage, that cannot be changed by anyone except him. If he's leaving to be with this other woman then your mum is going to find out about it soon enough if/when they get together so if I were you I wouldn't tell your mum, not just now anyway.I would however go to your dad and let him know you know what's going on. If your dad leaves he will need to make sure you, your mum and any other siblings are all cared for financially so your mum should be okay in that respect. It's very hard for you being "piggy in the middle" here and you should never have snooped the way you did, that way you wouldn't be carrying about this secret with you. You say your mum and dad haven't been happy in years. Once he's out of the marriage then your mum can get on with her life, free from the bickering and arguing, I'm sure she might even have an idea he's seeing someone else. Let your mum know you're there for her and will do all you can to help her when your dad leaves. Maybe she's not as sad about him leaving as you think so it might be a good idea to talk to her "woman to woman" and see exactly how she's feeling here. At the end of the day, isn't it better that your mum has her freedom again to be happy, without wondering where your dad is, who he's with and when he'll be home? She can rebuild her life again and try to live with her disability the best way she can. She needs to try to keep a positive attitude through all of this and so do you! You have taken on an adults problem here so you need to deal with it like an adult and be there for your mum at this time.Things WILL get better as time goes on. Ask your mum to come on to this site and I'll talk to her. If she doesn't want to put her problem up for everyone to see then she can always get in touch with me by email.Don't let this secret tear you up though, YOU need to be strong here, it will come out in the open eventually, it is NOT your worry okay?Eve
...............................
|
