A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with leukemia. We have been together for a year. I love her a lot and want to stay with her despite tough times ahead. Does anyone have any advice on how to be there for a cancer patient? I want her to feel as safe and happy as possible. It will be tough because I go to school fulltime and work 35 hours a week, but I want to spend a lot of time with her in between. She's very understanding and just wants me to do my best for my future but I want to do all I can for her as well. For example I read that cancer patients cannot takesalt? What kind of foods can I buy or prepare for her? What kind of gifts can I buy for her to keep in the hospital? I was thinking body cream and bath salts. I heard that's good for dry skin and sore muscles. Other than that I'm not sure. Other than spending time with her, calling her, and messaging her, what kind of gifts would be thoughtful? Thanks.
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male
reader, spicolee2002  +, writes (9 September 2012):
First of all. I'm very sorry to hear that. It must be horrible. My mom had cancer and the way to aproach it would always be positive and up beat. Never ever make her feel like she's alone. Pray and if you don't believe in that medatate together and picture her bady beating the cancer cells. Karma is a wonderful thing and when things are down it is good to visualize that the cancer is being beaten and her white blood cells are fighting very strong. I don't know you or your G/F and I will think positive in my meditation and think what I just told you. Love her strong and love her long and never give hope up because it can be beaten.
Peace from Canada.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Just to add to the other aunts' advice, be sure to listen to her and what she says she needs.
Many cancer patients change their eating habits and lifestyle choices to reduce expose to potential toxins or carcinogens. Giving lotions and creams may sound lovely and pampering but many lotions and creams contain loads of chemicals that the newly aware cancer patient realizes may be a causal factor. I'd back off on those until you know for certain she wants them. Food choices will change too, and depending on her treatment, she may be restricted. I'd definitely avoid any foods that use a great deal of pesticides or fertilizers and certainly nothing with added hormones or antibiotics.
Depending on her treatment, she may need warm woolly socks and lovely warm blankets, or hair coverings and so forth. Look for garments and items in natural fibers without artificial dyes.
Make up soothing music playlists tailored to her tastes.
Do research her disease and treatment so you are more fully informed. Don't go overboard, there's a lot of scary stuff posted out there. Stick to the qualified/verified/medically accurate boards.
Just be a shoulder for her to cry on, a cheerleader and support, an errand-runner, foot massager, a solid presence in her life is the most important thing.
I hope her treatment is successful and her recovery swift. Be well.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 September 2012):
 I am really impressed with the perspective, maturity, and care you have put into your post here. There may be some cancer survivors out there who have advice for you specifically for those with cancer, but my advice would be to do things with her/for her that you know she likes right now. Just because she has cancer does not mean she is going to stop being your girlfriend, or that she is not going to want you to think of her that way. Treat her in the special ways you always have. Give her thoughtful things you know she will like based on your current relationship. I think the key is that you might have to be more attentive since she will be undergoing intense emotional and phyiscal experiences. Be there for her. Yes,, your love and time are the best gifts, but she might also want something she can hold onto or wear from you that will help her stay connected to you at all times. A necklace, stuffed animal, or something of that sort. Even though we are adults, we are still sentimental.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Sorry to hear about your girlfriend. You seem to be very strong and that is what she needs someone who is strong for her. Like you said body lotions she'll love those because she can put them on and pamper herself as best she can and i think she;s right with you sticking with school and your work so you can keep yourself occupied and make a future not just for yourself but create one for both of you!She may want to talk about your day and know how everything is going in your world and how much you're achieving it'll keep her mind at ease because though you are worrying about her she's probably worrying about how you're coping with this too so you telling her what you've done and what you gained will make her happy and feel at ease.Other gifts you can get what about a nice little teddy bear or something to keep her company whilst your at school or work so she can have something near her that's from you and reminds her of you. I hope this helps and i wish you all the best
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Do you know what treatment she will be having? If she's having chemotherapy then she will most likely feel terrible, dependent upon the strength and type of chemo. She may not want to eat much, if her mouth becomes sore. I was diagnosed with cancer nearly 2 years ago and the only thing I wanted to eat was rice crispies. I've never heard of no salt, apart from if the mouth does become sore she may not want it. I'd say just be there for her, even when times get really tough. When I lost my hair, my partner shaved his head too, it's the little things like that, that matter. Then we'd laugh at each other with our bald heads. See if you can go to hospital appointments with her, as the anxiety at the start of diagnosis can be phenomenal, so she'll need someone's hand to hold. Tell her she's beautiful, when she's lost her hair, her brows, lashes and all other body hair (again, if she's going through chemo). She can use a cold cap to prevent hair loss on the head, but I chose not to as it increased your treatment time. She may have a PICC line, or other method of administering drugs, so body cream etc might not be such a good idea at the beginning, as she may not be able to bathe properly as she will have to wear something to cover the line so it doesn't get wet. If she has to have radiotherapy, then ensure she has a good, not scented cream or bio oil to cover the skin (not sure if this happens with leukemia so forgive me if I'm wrong about this). Just love her and take care of her. I hope her prognosis is good. Best of luck and good wishes.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (9 September 2012):
Everyone deals with a cancer diagnosis differently but the good thing is that your girlfriend seems to be communicating what she needs from you very well. Don’t feel guilty that life has to go on: of course you’ve still got to work, and focus on your own future. Your girlfriend doesn’t need you to be there 24/7 to know that you care. Indeed, although you haven’t said what treatment she will undergo, many treatments such as chemotherapy and radiotherapy leave the person feeling very tired, so she might need some time to herself anyway to just sleep or rest. When you do spend time with her, let her dictate how things work. She might just want to talk about everything else: what’s happening in your life, and whatever subjects interest her. If she does, just go with it. Don’t feel that what you have to say is too trivial or unimportant for her at this time: people who are sick often crave the normality. A lot of people try and shield their cancer-suffering loved ones from everything else, and think that gossip or their own situation couldn’t possibly matter to this person at such a time, but it’s often everything else that helps them. You can plan to do nice things together when she is feeling well: if she is having chemotherapy, for example, there will be periods in her chemotherapy cycles where she might feel relatively okay. If she does want to talk about her illness, her frustrations and her fears, just listen. Don’t think that there’s a right thing to say that will magically fix everything, she will not expect you to have the answers, just to be the supportive boyfriend that I can already tell you are just from your short post.
As for gifts, firstly you should remember that your love and your time are your greatest gifts. However the gift ideas you’ve already suggested are lovely. As for foods, if she is required to avoid certain things in her diet her doctors will advise her of this. In addition to what you’ve already suggested, could you put together a meaningful photo album for her to look at, or copy songs that are meaningful to the both of you on to a CD or her IPod? A beautiful bunch of flours always brightens some-one up, so if the hospital will permit flours in the room you could get some of these, or if not give them to her when she comes home. Then there are the more practical things: many of chemotherapy’s side effects need controlling with drugs such as nausea. However one that people often get is nasty mouth ulcers, as the lining of the mouth can often be weakened by chemotherapy treatments. Ask a pharmacist for a recommendation of a good cream or mouth wash to alleviate chemotherapy ulcers if these become a problem for her. I hope this helps.
I wish you both all the very best.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 September 2012):
Hi there,
I'm sorry your girlfriend got this. But I'm glad for her that you're there, because she'll need a decent person beside her. I'm sure you'll find some experience on here with things like this, but in all honestly none of us will be as useful as a professional. Check out this charity:
http://www.leukemia-research.org/
It's an american leukaemia research charity, and I think that if you contact them they'll be able to offer you better advice. Also, as for food and salts etc, listen to her doctor and only her doctor. A lot of people will tell you different things, but the best thing to do is listen to whoever is treating her.
The other thing is to listen to her. She has already said that she wants to you continue schooling etc, so make sure you do. You don't want her feeling guilty for the fact that you're always with her and not continuing with other things.
I suppose the best advice in nutshell is for you to listen to her and her doctor. And have a lot of patience, because she'll feel a lot of things from anger, through to despair. And you'll have to deal with them all.
I hope she gets better.
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