A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a new gal for the last several months. She is wonderful in every way. She has a cute 3 1/2 year old son. I was at her house a week ago and she took her son upstairs to put him to bed. It took a long time, so I thought she may have fallen asleep on his bed with him. When I went to check on her, I walked in to find her nursing him. She didn't see me. I was really disturbed by this. He is too old in my opinion to still be nursing. Should I confront her? What is my next move? I still care about her, but I can't get the image out of my head and obviously can't talk to anyone about it. Help me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Personally I am not a big fan of late breast feeding. There are no studies proving the nutritional benefits of breast milk AFTER the first 18-24 months of life, so it's just a relational thing, a way of cuddling or using the breast as a pacifyer. But, at 3 and a half year, a child should not even need long and elaborate pacifying rituals at naptime or bed time, - and while it's good that a child receives lots of affection, that too is shown in age appropriate ways. You don't physically handle a newborn baby same a 5 years old child or viceversa.
BUT : you still should never interfere with a way a mother cares for her child ( unless she were abusive or neglectful of course ) These are very personal choices, it's a sensitive issue.No mother likes to be told she is "doing it wrong ", you would just rub her the wrong way , and for what ? An issue that basically is none of your business ,since you are not even related to the child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): OMG she was cheating on you with her own son!!!!!
Dude it might be weird to you, but it's actually very healthy. Some idiot decided there should be an age limit on breast feeding here in the west, culturally most people think it should be two but in reality it's good for the kid anywhere up to 4 or 5 some women even breast feed their kids into their teens.
You know this is the same crap that people have trouble with when they see a woman breast feeding in public. They think it's 'indecent' just like you do now. That's utterly ridiculous boobs were designed to feed babies, not as objects of sexual desire. It's the most natural thing in the world to feed her child from her bosom.
If you have a problem then tough luck, do you know how crazy it sounds that you have a problem with a mother feeding her child and bonding with that child? Late nursing is a very good thing, it's actually recommended that you do it for as long as you can. It's only fools that decided it was indecent after they'd reached a certain size, fools that can't get the sexual concept of a breast out of their head. Her tits, her child, her business, I wouldn't recommend you trying to enforce your illogical beliefs on her, whether you thin it's weird or not.
If she was feeding him a big mac would you have a problem with that? Even though big macs are unhealthy as hell and breast milk is unrivaled in its nutrient content.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Im a mon of a three and a half year old and yes its weird! But it is her choice. If you settle down with her and have kids would you want her to feed you kids breast milk at 3 1/2? .... because she'll prob want to. If you see a future with her you should bring it up some how.
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female
reader, chloebabeechick +, writes (6 December 2010):
 You're the one with the issue, not her. If I were her I'd tell you to mind your own business...why do you care how she feeds her child. Like someone said, this is just a product of Western sexualization of women's breasts. There is nothing wrong with what she is doing, and she doesn't have to explain herself to you. I think the OP needs some counseling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): You are right in feeling that it's weird... because it is. Children were breast fed until they could handle semi solid and then solid foods. Just like baby animals. They feed on mother's milk until they can consume solid foods. At 3 1/2 the child has teeth and eats everything. The nursing is no longer necessary for the child's survival or health and welfare.
Other issues concerning attachment and dependency at at the crux of this situation, not the child's need to consume mother's milk.
I actually read an article where the woman was breast feeding an 8 year old boy. To top it off, there was a whole series of women and men chiming in on how 'normal' that is.
It is weird. Some say that the child should continue until they finish with the breast themselves... and turn it away. Who is the parent here? The mother presents the breast for feeding, why would the child turn away what the mother is giving them? How would the child know?
My sister in law has three sons. She followed the guidelines for 'not pressuring them' when it came to toilet training. Guess what? She had 5 and 6 year old sons still in diapers who had to undergo a mad dash at getting potty trained so they could get ready for kindergarden. Pretty messed up.
There are many age appropriate ways a mother can give nurturing. A red flag for emotional issues is when things go beyond what is age appropriate or necessary. 3 1/2 year olds should be eating food and should be weaned.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): I think that three years old is too old to still be nursing. I mean ok, yeah, so its good when the child is a baby, but by three, I think they should already be weaned. I mean still nursing your child by the time the child is three is kinda pushing it. But thats my opinion, and I agree with you, I think its strange. Do you know why she does it? Have you talked to her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Are you feeling possessive because someone else is touching 'your' breasts? Do you feel conflicted because this seems sexual because it involves her breast? Would you feel the same if he was sucking out of a tube attached to her navel?
You need to ask yourself why this bothers you and be honest with yourself because she is doing nothing wrong, this is your problem.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 You are obviously entitled to your own opinion of how to raise a child and when to wean a child - but this is not your son therefore you cannot call the shots on how she raises her son. If she still wants to breast feed him then this is her choice and you dont have any right to confront her about it.
I do agree with you - anything over 2 years of age is too old to still be breast feeding HOWEVER it is personal choice, the female body will carry on producing milk for as long as it is being used so what she is doing is perfectly natural. I have heard of some mothers continuing to breast feed their kids up to the age of 7!
But at the end of the day, this is her son, and her choice on how to raise him. You are not the father therefore have no say in how she chooses to feed him. I think what you need to do is forget all about this, and leave her to bring up her son how she wants. This does not affect your relationship in any way - unless you actually get serious and get married or adopt the boy then it is nothing to do with you.
So try and put it to the back of your mind, dont let it affect a perfectly good relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): What do you need help with? Seeing a mother nurse her child shouldnt be a traumatic experience. Try and examine why you found it so. Breasts are for feeding an offspring first and foremost. I think you are viewing them purely as sex objects and need to rethink this. You dont have to make a move. You could mention you saw her feeding him and what a lovely picture they made, mother and child. Im sure she wont be offended.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (6 December 2010):
 There's nothing wrong with breastfeeding to even 3 or 4 years of age. Extended breast feeding is taboo in the Western world because of the 'sex' hangups we have here, but there really is nothing sexual or odd about a mother breastfeeding a toddler, even one who can already use sippy cups. Believe it or not the median duration of breastfeeding worldwide is about 2.8 years, but with some societies feeding for a much shorter or longer time. Before we had baby formula available, American women often breastfed their kids until 3 or 4 years. This makes sense, because breast milk boosts the child's immune system and a child's immune system is not considered mature until the age of 5. (But make no mistake; while a baby can grow up just fine on formula, breast milk is still far superior.)
Deciding when to wean is a personal decision; it has to feel right. You do not know the mother or child well enough to advise her when the right time to wean is. Breast milk is vital to a child's physical and mental growth and well-being and is shown time and again to have a positive correlation with better health and greater performance in school later on. If your girlfriend's son is still on the milk, more power to him.
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (6 December 2010):
Why can't she talk to others about it? Most start weaning a baby around two years old and some people just have no clue how to do it. Don’t worry she’s just feeding the baby and not being freaky as you think. Here’s another freaky thing for you, a woman can produce milk for a child that isn’t hers. Learn her body and you will respect it more. Nothing wrong with breast feeding when my wife was breast feeding the baby always wanted to join. I kept him to find his own woman.
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female
reader, Marzela +, writes (6 December 2010):
well i think u should talk to her but dont get mad. I think shes just trying to be a good mom, just tell her your opinion
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Why is it too old? Thats her choice and you being juedgemental by being freaked at something she does. Did you stop to consider that he eats/drinks regular baby food but before nap time she does that to relax him? A lot of mothers do that. And a lot breast feed for a couple years. Its her choice. Like her enough to deal with it. Thats like her walking in on you having fun with your self and leaving you (extreme i know) . Its natural. Dont let it screw things up ;) And you said it right he is too old IN YOUR OPINION, but why is ur opinion right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): I'm sure if you looked it up online, you'd find s culture or two that weans late, but of course in our own... it is a little odd. Perhaps a psychologist or more could theorize what ill (or positive?) social effects that would have on the son when he grows up. You could definitely relate to her (gently, gently) your thoughts, but not all mothers are open to outsiders telling them how to do their jobs. In any case, she will probably cease to nurse him very soon (the advancement of his teething and developing strength/boisterousness will eventually discourage her and rid your discomfort...).My own mother nursed one of my sisters much longer than usually advised, because she (apologies) needed relief from the amount of (apologies) milk she was producing from the birth of my youngest sister two and a half years later. There are rather disturbing? family photos of her (apologies), my mother, naturally nourishing an infant on one side and a toddler on the other.But this late- nursed sister grew to be the strongest and tallest of our family (a six foot college rugby player!) and we like to laugh that that happening had to do with rather more than genes...Who knows... you guys could have a future little football star on your hands...-Tante Victoire
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): yes 3 years of age is a bit old to be nursing still. it really depends on how long you've been dating here as to whether you confront her. 3 months too soon. 4 or more i'd say you are safe.
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female
reader, queenoffools +, writes (6 December 2010):
 I would tell her straight up, and he honest with her, don't be afraid to ask her questions. She will feel more like your trying to understand rather than judging her if you just hide it..
the truth will set you free (:
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