A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Before anyone chips in and says that I don't understand this from the female perspective, please hear me out - because I have read posts, and heard views from the female side - and believe me they are pretty mixed.My girlfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years now, and a few weeks ago she began pro-actively searching my hard drive for porn etc.She (despite denying it to my face) did delete a folder which contained my pornography "collection" if you will.Most men will tell you that looking at porn is a lot like going to McDonalds - it's nice to have a burger now and again, but nothing can beat steak.My girl doesn't seem to think this is a valid arguement.Just to put things into perspective - despite our differences, my ex and I never had any problems with each other's fantasies.Infact I can't remember anyone ever bringing this up as a problem before - as such it comes as quite a blow.I can see where it's going - and I don't want to end our relationship, but that's exactly what will happen.It's not that I choose porn over my gf, more that I refuse to pretend I'm something I'm not - I am a normal bloke!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): This happened in 2012.... I was in love with S we were going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. He had been watching PORN for over eight years before we had met. After six months of dating, we lived together. He would go into the bathroom w his TABLET.(now,I know why)
Two months of living together he showed me the PORN.
It immediately took away the high level of magic I felt in my heart away. I began thinking horrible thoughts. A year later
I am KNOW no LONGER IN LOVE W HIM THE WAY I was BEFORE. He wanted me to do the same acts in the video,all of it for the first time w him. Like in the bottom and wanting to express his stuff all over my face, SERIOULY GUYS WHY IS THIS A TURN ON?
(DEGRADING EXPERIENCE)
Yes, he loves my mouth, I'm the first to give him total pleasure but he will not return the favor to me,HE IS SO SELFISH. ITS ALL ABOUT HIM.I left something out buying lingerie that looked like a hore. Forgot the toys, which I just placed in the garbage today:)) He even wanted to fool around w another couple if we took a vacation some where else. At the time this is all happening w in 6 months of living together. I think this has to do with his parents relationship. His dad doesn't want a relationship nor his mom with him because they had him too young. They were in High School, He was adopted. This has had really difficult for him. My parents were older, religious and family always first!
I asked him if he could give it up, but his answer was I have never been w a real man before and he has learned to be better in bed for it. This last one is unbelievable, he imagines me in the video getting f--$ by other men. The is too much for me.
I'm keeping all of this inside. Finally, I have a bestfriend,
Out of state, I told this story. She told me he is addicted to it. She is right. Why else would he look at it two or three tims a week in a new brand forever relationship.He will never really give it up not for me or for any girl out there. I'm a size 2-4, 112 pds. I lost 5 because of him. I'm good looking but the girls are twenty years younger than me in some or may of these videos.When we have watched the videos 6 times together, he gets really turned on, in a different way. Afterwards it makes me sick to my stomach, but he doesn't know
We have been together 2 yrs, he gave the porn up for one month.
I will never really know for sure now or in the future if he is watching it after I go to bed at night. He said, "He made a mistake by telling me, next relationship he will keep it a secret" Girls and guys
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): In my personal opinion, I think you're girlfriend is being a bit too stubborn and overly controlling. (And I'm a girl) I think it's perfectly healthy for both men and women to look at porn. As long as you're not doing it right in front of her, which would be kinda ridiculous, then she shouldn't have a problem with it. I don't get why people get so upset with porn. All people masterbate differently- some like to do it just using their imaginations and some like to look at porn. When men and women look at porn, it's not saying they would like to have sex with those people. It's just a way for them to get in the mood. It's completely harmless. I look at porn all the time when I am not with my boyfriend, and vice versa. Does it mean I want to sleep with every single man in the video? NO. All it means is that I am enjoying what I'm seeing, thats it. Sometimes I even imagine that my boyfriend is doing all those things in the video, and my boyfriend thinks of me too when he looks at it. I sometimes even buy my boyfriend porn mags once in a while!The point is, your girlfriend should understand that porn is comepletely healthy and very common. It doesn't mean you love her any less. Most men need visuals anyway to masterbate- thoughts alone doesn't always get them there. I think what your girlfriend is experiencing is low self esteem. If I were you, I would just do it when she wasn't around, and delete everything off the internet once you're finsihed. That way she won't happen to stumble across anything.
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female
reader, screwedoverangel7  +, writes (9 January 2011):
Many men will say that porn is normal or that every guy does it.. so be it. It is probably true nowadays. Go back in time a few hundred years and there were prostitutes and brothels. Go back further and there were probably groups of primal humans getting dirty with themselves. My point is that in an era where man kind is supposed to be so evolved and mature, they are anything but that. Men will argue that calling them a dog is irrational and rude and that they are not all like that, however. If all men enjoy porn they must all be dogs. And going. With the" give a dog only what she will serve, but starve him and wonder why he ate something else" is only a cop out excuse. Men, even when properly fed and nurished will still always nibble or druel over other meat. And yes women are just that to men, "meat". Men don't care about how the woman is satisfied FULLY in bed, nor do they care if she wants him to only want her body once commited. Hence they do not give up porn, naked women, checking out the hot slut across the room, or anything else involving "meat". Men will fill a womans ears with lies to get them to shut up about porn. I won't sugar coat it and neither should any boy out there.. men don't give a F*%$ about what women want. They don't care when the woman only has eyes for him, he is still going to look at the porn to view the WOMAN and look at he pussy and tits and imagin fucking the life from her. Men ARE animals and to treat them anything but an animal is rediculous. Let them have their posters of the entree but they will never have the taste of the 5 course meal again!
My feelings behind this come from an experience that took my heart and soul away from me. My boyfriend of 2 years was my first, as I was his. We discused porn before and I had no problem with it.. until he pushed me away, said I was descusting and ugly and wacked his willy off till he ran dry. He wouldn't kiss me or touch me, I couldn't get an answer from his as far as "how are you" goes.. might I add that I've been a model for 4 years and a ring girl for ufc for 1. I can't go in public without being hollered at and my boyfriend hated that. He hid me from the world for 6 months when we went out together. Looks has nothing to do with it ladies. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world and he would prefer something else to look at and desire.
His porn use was so tremendous that it crashed 2 brand new computers, his ps3 and his phone froze all the time and malfunctioned. He would lie through h is teeth even with proof right in front of his opened eyes. I left him, for 3 months no contact. We talked after that one day and he admited that he watched porn after we broke up every day because He was mad that I left him.. go figure!! They don't see what they do is wrong to women. And no he isn't the only one to be an ass. In fact he was the only guy out of so many that DIDN'T want to be in my pants. He was a true gentlemen to me and that was his true personality. So even the sweet ones are decieving. They don't want you at all. Only to fuck and toss away like a rag. I pitty any girl who says porn is ok to watch alone. Yet, at the same time I say don't bother because there is absolutely nothing women can do except create a relationship with a vibrator. And choose a big one to compensate for the massive tits he wishes you had. No, it isn't about self esteem and self image, I'm confident and gorgeous, hence I'm a model. This is just my story and reasoning behind the conflict of men being animalistic slobby assholes to perfectly good women. My advice is to trade in your angel wings girls and get some barbed wire to protect your heart and mind. I did. And then I realized that the world doesn't care about love anymore, it cares about sex, a drug called dopamine and the life of a rock and roller to provide for the sluts out there. I've only had sex with one guy by the way and I will never allow myself to be used for their selfishness again. I have a lovely pink vibrator I can take with me anywhere. As for the dating status.. I have settled for one of all the assholes out there. After all that's what people do, the guys settle for "ugly" women who aren't fake porn stars and women settle for tiny 7 inch dicks ;0) beer bellys and hairy ass cheeks. The world is materialistic now, and as much as I say to be your sexy selves, if you choose to let a mans mind control how you should look like apposed to the retouched hoes in porn, then your going to have to consider sergury in a few years and get a gym membership and some fake eyelashes and hair extensions. (Not advised) if men want women to stop aking them to be something they are not by giving up porn, then for fucking sakes men! Stop asking women to be something they aren't by telling them how they should and shouldn't look. I think the men should go to the gyms and have chisled muscles all over with spiked hair and a big dick, then come and tell us how happy they are to be our perfect fake fantasy. Ladies.. men will not give porn up for you simply because they do not care about you, they are mentally fucking women in magazines and computer screens then coming back to you when they want some"meat" . Don't give it to them, they have a hand they use all the time, 2 eyes to see there prey and a mind to undress her and stick it in with. Women also have a hand to turn the dial on a vibrator, 2 eyes to see naked men with, a mind to never be ignorant and nieve again and to also mentally make love to the man they envision. Men and women are not so different when it comes to sex.. the only huge difference is that men are selfish assholes who want everything all the time from anybody in site.. and women want to give pleasure and receive it also.
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A
female
reader, screwedoverangel7 +, writes (9 January 2011):
Many men will say that porn is normal or that every guy does it.. so be it. It is probably true nowadays. Go back in time a few hundred years and there were prostitutes and brothels. Go back further and there were probably groups of primal humans getting dirty with themselves. My point is that in an era where man kind is supposed to be so evolved and mature, they are anything but that. Men will argue that calling them a dog is irrational and rude and that they are not all like that, however. If all men enjoy porn they must all be dogs. And going. With the" give a dog only what she will serve, but starve him and wonder why he ate something else" is only a cop out excuse. Men, even when properly fed and nurished will still always nibble or druel over other meat. And yes women are just that to men, "meat". Men don't care about how the woman is satisfied FULLY in bed, nor do they care if she wants him to only want her body once commited. Hence they do not give up porn, naked women, checking out the hot slut across the room, or anything else involving "meat". Men will fill a womans ears with lies to get them to shut up about porn. I won't sugar coat it and neither should any boy out there.. men don't give a F*%$ about what women want. They don't care when the woman only has eyes for him, he is still going to look at the porn to view the WOMAN and look at he pussy and tits and imagin fucking the life from her. Men ARE animals and to treat them anything but an animal is rediculous. Let them have their posters of the entree but they will never have the taste of the 5 course meal again!
My feelings behind this come from an experience that took my heart and soul away from me. My boyfriend of 2 years was my first, as I was his. We discused porn before and I had no problem with it.. until he pushed me away, said I was descusting and ugly and wacked his willy off till he ran dry. He wouldn't kiss me or touch me, I couldn't get an answer from his as far as "how are you" goes.. might I add that I've been a model for 4 years and a ring girl for ufc for 1. I can't go in public without being hollered at and my boyfriend hated that. He hid me from the world for 6 months when we went out together. Looks has nothing to do with it ladies. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world and he would prefer something else to look at and desire.
His porn use was so tremendous that it crashed 2 brand new computers, his ps3 and his phone froze all the time and malfunctioned. He would lie through h is teeth even with proof right in front of his opened eyes. I left him, for 3 months no contact. We talked after that one day and he admited that he watched porn after we broke up every day because He was mad that I left him.. go figure!! They don't see what they do is wrong to women. And no he isn't the only one to be an ass. In fact he was the only guy out of so many that DIDN'T want to be in my pants. He was a true gentlemen to me and that was his true personality. So even the sweet ones are decieving. They don't want you at all. Only to fuck and toss away like a rag. I pitty any girl who says porn is ok to watch alone. Yet, at the same time I say don't bother because there is absolutely nothing women can do except create a relationship with a vibrator. And choose a big one to compensate for the massive tits he wishes you had. No, it isn't about self esteem and self image, I'm confident and gorgeous, hence I'm a model. This is just my story and reasoning behind the conflict of men being animalistic slobby assholes to perfectly good women. My advice is to trade in your angel wings girls and get some barbed wire to protect your heart and mind. I did. And then I realized that the world doesn't care about love anymore, it cares about sex, a drug called dopamine and the life of a rock and roller to provide for the sluts out there. I've only had sex with one guy by the way and I will never allow myself to be used for their selfishness again. I have a lovely pink vibrator I can take with me anywhere. As for the dating status.. I have settled for one of all the assholes out there. After all that's what people do, the guys settle for "ugly" women who aren't fake porn stars and women settle for tiny 7 inch dicks ;0) beer bellys and hairy ass cheeks. The world is materialistic now, and as much as I say to be your sexy selves, if you choose to let a mans mind control how you should look like apposed to the retouched hoes in porn, then your going to have to consider sergury in a few years and get a gym membership and some fake eyelashes and hair extensions. (Not advised) if men want women to stop aking them to be something they are not by giving up porn, then for fucking sakes men! Stop asking women to be something they aren't by telling them how they should and shouldn't look. I think the men should go to the gyms and have chisled muscles all over with spiked hair and a big dick, then come and tell us how happy they are to be our perfect fake fantasy. Ladies.. men will not give porn up for you simply because they do not care about you, they are mentally fucking women in magazines and computer screens then coming back to you when they want some"meat" . Don't give it to them, they have a hand they use all the time, 2 eyes to see there prey and a mind to undress her and stick it in with. Women also have a hand to turn the dial on a vibrator, 2 eyes to see naked men with, a mind to never be ignorant and nieve again and to also mentally make love to the man they envision. Men and women are not so different when it comes to sex.. the only huge difference is that men are selfish assholes who want everything all the time from anybody in site.. and women want to give pleasure and receive it also.
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A
male
reader, Jeffro1977 +, writes (1 October 2010):
My girlfriend doesn't like me watching porn or masturbating at all, so I stopped. Its not really an issue because she takes care of me daily. In the beginning it was hard because on days that she had her period, she wasn't feeling sexy so I wouldn't get any attention. Well as you can guess I would get crazy horny after a few days. This would annoy her because at that time it was lowering her self esteem. Making her think that the only reason I was giving her attention was because I wanted some.So I explained this, and this is what finally fixed her perspective. I told her that if she had a dog and told the dog that he could only eat what she served. Then decided to not feed the dog. Obviously the dog would get hungry.Does the dog still love her? Well yes, maybe slightly annoyed, but there is still love.So the fix was simple. On days she wasn't into it. We lay together and make out while I take care of myself. Once I'm started her attitude usually changes a bit and she starts playing around also. So ya, giving up porn and spanking it off by yourself isn't the end of the world if you play your cards right.Oh and if a few days go by that I'm not getting attention. She usually makes it up to me =]And those days are real nice hehe
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A
male
reader, Dude1111 +, writes (11 June 2010):
My ex-girlfriend found out I watched naked females on my computer while we were dating. She was not happy about it gave me all these reasons why I should not be doing it. I reluctantly agreed to stop watching it. Some time later she ended up cheating on me while we were still dating. It seems to me that she was the one who obviously could not be trusted in the relationship and the fact that she had to make it a special point to end something personal just for her is selfish and non-trusting in itself. Think about it for a minute its a control game and its bullshit, you need to be able to have control of yourself and your life. Men you need to stick to what you do and not have to give up good things in your life simply because your girlfriend is ordering you to. I will simply just be myself and enjoy what I enjoy not going to give up something just because someone does not accept that part of me. Nobody men or women should have to give up something they enjoy doing simply because the other partner does not accept them for what they want to do. Stop forcing a change it shows your own insecurities and how non-accepting you are it would be better to just break up then and there or accept the other person make a real choice do not bicker and argue over things that really are not your business in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Porn Free  +, writes (13 December 2009):
Well, my bf and I just broke up over PORN...sad, sad, sad but so be it. I explained to him how I felt about it and he didn't care I guess. he said he was not going to stop LMAO. So, obviously porn has really brought him into focus and it is through this that I realize he is not the guy I want-and vice versa-I guess...
1 of many desperately insecure men choosing porn over real life beauty...go for it boyzzzz...just don't come to me when u realize that real people and how they feel is what matters and it is our friendships and love relationships that make life worth while.
Hence, I have decided, in some manipulative way to get porn veiwing out of the next guy and if he says he watches well...I'm done. Moving on...want a porn free guy...one who appreciates the real beauty of life and is aroused by that!!! Anything but is just a game.
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A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 I think the issue here is her searching your hard drive without your knowledge, deleting your porn and denying things to your face (according to your description).My girlfriend asked me to stop watching porn after i got annoyed and mad at her shameless questions and said "ok, what do you want from me". She was asking stuff like "when was last time". I chose not to get mad and tell her that i'll stop watching porn.I have mixed feelings to whether this was good or bad, but I'm trying to play it cool and not care about these things. Maybe it is a good thing after all."You obviously can't love her if your picking porn over her! god your not worth it anyway are you!"Female stupidity at its best. Like when you give everything to a girl, then she goes "you dont love me yatta yatta, you're worthless" and goes with someone who showers them with fake love.
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male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (20 May 2008):
Don't choose porn over your girlfriend! All the images and actions you see in these films or pictures, are redundant. It's the same thing over and over again. Most women do not want their man to lust after other women. When you indulge in porn, you are doing exactly that. It's just as good as cheating. If you would save that sexual energy that you spend on porn, your sexual relation with your girl would be a whole lot better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): My bf and I have/had a great sex life. I watched porn with him for a long time and it was okay. Eventually, I got sick of it, it was almost always a prelude to screwing and I felt like I wasn't interesting or good enough w/o porn. Plus, every movie has women dressed up like children and I can't stand that. There is enough child abuse with out having adult women dress like children and screw for money. I finally had enough porn. I am a good lay, I have very few inhibitions, I loved to give him blow jobs, we had hours of sex, I used to wear sexy lingere for him, we would screw 3 or 4 times a week and I am still not good enough and neither is the sex - so why bother trying anymore! I quit wearing lingere because I was sick of the comparison and today I threw out every toy we had. He can watch all the porn he wants and if he wants to screw, I will lay there and spread my legs and let him f u me. But I am not going to initiate it any more, no more blow jobs... I am sick and tired of being compared to porn. I will never meet the expectations porn sets up. Of course he uses the usual excuse "every guy does it" and "it is just so I can get ideas for us" blah blah blah. Well, I hope he enjoys his porn. My self esteem is at the bottom right along with my desire. No matter what I did it wasn't good enough so I give up. I see it as the end of our relationship of eight years. He will have his porn to jack off too and an empty bed so he can go all night.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): If you want her to see your side of the argument, maybe you shouldn't use meat as a metaphor. Just an idea.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): This is so typical of men out west to say. "every guy looks at porn" every guy in every culture DOES NOT look at porn. In fact, it considered immoral in many. Women's bodies are not just objects to look at and jerk off to when you're horny. Women are people not just breast and a vagina on an easily accesible DVD as porn depicts them as. Pornography depicts MEN AND WOMEN not as people but as just sex objects. Some may argue the point of porn is to do that. However, the point of drugs is to sell it...but selling drugs isn't right. Just as selling sex isn't necessarily morally righteous.
For me it's immoral and shouldn't be done. The porn industry is just basically legalized on video prostitution.
So no it's not just a thing "normal" guys do. It's actually and abnormal habit that sexually drived societies such as the west have made normal.
Something is only normal when everyone does it. Everyone originally didn't look at porn. It had to go through a process of normalization which means men have something which orginally wasn't normal...norma.
LAST, but not least, if you have a girlfriend she is the only woman you are supposed to be looking at naked. It's disrespectfuly to her. And no she's not jealous she's just human. Why would anyone want to be with someone who was enjoying other people have sex. That just doesn't seem MONOGAMOUS.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I have a couple of things to add to these arguments.Firstly it seems to me that sex is a thing that seems to be more important factor in a relationship for men then woman. (This is not always the case) Yes yes, woman want an man who can satisfy her, but womans standards seems lower when it comes to sex then men.All over the internet you men discussing how to be better lover , how to please woman better. Every guy wants to inlarge his penis, even though its problably allready big enough for his girlfriend. Men spend a lot of time and research trying to perfect there sexual intercorse. They try to find out what woman like and they try to do it to the best of what they can.I think the woman generation is becoming very slopy when it comes to sex, especially the ones that are not single the ones in relationships. They think if there is a sexual problem they should go to gym or go on a diet or whatever.But even the very super sexy girls can be bad in bed, or have there boyfriends/husbands loose sexual interest in them because they do not satisfy them. I just think females should take some time , and do some sex research too . (watch some porn maybe :P) So that they can improve of the thing where there are room to improve on. To see what men like and dont like. Just figure out what kind of male your partner is , it can be hard, but once you know that the rest is easy.Just a bit of advise for woman to not fall behind in the sexual department and later regret it or blame it on other factors.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): (Female reader)
Ok now. When men watch and masturbate to porn, they are imagining that they are having sex with the women in the film. And sometimes they do it because they feel their girlfriend isn't "hot enough" or they wish that their girlfriend looked like the women in porn films. Watching too much porn can make a man develope unrealistic expectations, and become bored with their girlfriend. I personally had to undergo a procedure called labiaplasty which was both physically and mentally painful. I did this because my boyfriend felt that my labia were too large, and became more and more disgusted with me as he watched more porn. He actually told me *quote on quote* "I would love you more if you had bigger boobs" and "Your nipples are too big, all the girls in the porns I watch have really small ones.". I went to the plastic surgeon and asked for an areola reduction, she measured my areola and told me that I am exactly at the measure of the average female areola in the U.S. Porn has made him have unrealistic expectations in me, and he has lost sight of what a "real woman" looks like. My point being that because of my boyfriend and his little "porn obsession" my self-esteem has been shattered, and I have been forced to physically alter myself and constantly worry what I will have to change next. If you love your girlfriend, you should stop watching porn before you treat her how I'm now treated.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Why some men like porn more than women?
The men can turn porn off and on when they like but with women , they have no control.Women are emotional and complicated beings.
Most women make the mistake of thinking the men should think like them. That is where they are very wrong.The males and females are completely different.
If you love a person , you love them warts and all and you don't try to change them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): I think it's pretty simple. You have to decide which you value the most - pornography or your relationship.There will be women and men who decide which is best for you. But only you know what you really want.On the "normal" thing I think you and most of the answerers (if that's a word!) are a bit misguided. Pornography can form a healthy part of your life. It can also be an unhealthy addiction. Relationships can also be healthy or unhealthy. But in a relationship it's important that both people feel comfortable with any use or abstinence from pornography. So it's okay for your girlfriend to express her discomfort at your use of pornography and for her to want to be in a relationship that doesn't involve pornography. Equally, it's okay for you to be comfortable with pornography and to want to be in a relationship that allows pornography. But it's not okay for either of you to take the moral high ground on this. You each sound as stubborn and narrow minded as the other.In short, make your choice, but consider the price.
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male
reader, Diimo +, writes (26 December 2007):
 ..might I add..I'd personally choose the GF over the porn, but you don't necessarily need porn to simply masturbate. It would be interesting to hear how she feels about porn-less masturbation? Comes down to is even if you gave up porn for her, its just you would not be being who you really are. And in way living a lie because she has an insecurity when she thinks about you looking at porn.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Foxtrot, have you not read any of the posts on here?? Are you seriously advocating that this guy gives up his girl for porn - Jeez, you guys really do have a serious problem where porn is concerned. Lets hope we all find utopia where women don't have to put up with this shit (or won't) and we leave all you men out there to wank yourself stupid over porn. Perhaps then, when the real women don't want to know, you might all decide that real sex really is the way to go and not your fantasy porn lives!!!!!!!!!!!
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male
reader, foxtrot +, writes (15 December 2007):
Hammm, your a normal guy, but she deleted your porn folder and now she's lying about it. So how can you trust her?This is always going to be a problem if you stay with her, so you should consider dumping her and finding a gf who isn't worried about a bit of porn.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): One thing I forgot to add in my posting was this. You talk about being a 'normal' bloke. I am wondering why you feel it's normal to want to choose between a perfectly, good quality love relationship and pornography. Do you not see a problem here. When you feel torn between your gf and porn, and feel you have to 'choose' there is a huge problem. Do you think may be she is trying to tell you something? Could porn be 'much more' than just an occasional pastime? If it is a daily occurnce or even every other day, it means you have a sexual addiction and the only way through this...is counseling. Just something to think about, hun. I wish you both well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): Having read a lot about this subject (porn), I am still undecided about the effects in a loving relationship but here goes, I'll offer an opinion anyway.
First thing that struck me here is that the man is potentially thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend over his use of porn - if that doesn't strike a chord of a man with a serious porn use problem then I don't know what will. You would break up with someone and choose paper/celluloid girls over your girlfriend!!!!!!!!!! That's the problem with porn, it's insipid and insidious; the common theme among relationships that worries me is that men very often choose it over their loving relationships. What seems to happen is that the men stop having sex with their partners, but their partners can see that they are regularly viewing porn sites. Ouch, that's gotta hurt, hasn't it. And, at the end of the day, you are copping off looking at other women. My bf persuaded me to watch one with him on the proviso that we might get some hints and tips (a common argument men will use). So I did; getting hints and tips from porn is rather like trying to get relationship advice from a romance novel - a non starter. And it felt like our intimacy had been taken away - there we were coldly looking at other people fucking. So yes, you get that instant gratification of feeling turned on, but equally it felt degrading and in the words of my bf, he sheepishly looked at me and said "it's a bit primitive isn't it"? He also said "it's boring really and they all follow the same format". He wasn't saying that for my benefit, that is how he felt - yet he will still watch it - can anyone answer that one? I think it stems back to their childhood or whenever they first get into it - it seems illicit and exciting and that feeling stays with them throughout their adult life. Equally, why are men furtive about it? Apparently, my bf's best friend told me that when I got together with my bf, he threw away his porn stash (I didn't ask him to - I didn't even know about it). Why would he do that if he feels it's a good thing??
His friend also has the argument "all men do it" - well, this is not really an argument is it??? It is men's justification for doing it and feeling better about it.
My bf's friend, who is an avid porn fan, and I often get into arguments over this one. He remarked that he turns to porn because sex can sometimes get a "bit routine". Again, that's the problem with porn. It makes you disastisfied with your parner and an expectation that your women is going to have to behave like the porn stars in the bedroom to keep you interested. I then asked him what he did in the relationship to solve the routine sex problem - he looked suprised that I had asked him to be accountable in his relationships - if the sex is routine then it requires both of you to help solve it. Another comment on here was that a man wanted his gf to dress up like the porn stars; bless her she went and put a teashirt on and some high heels, which as the bloke said didn't quite do what he wanted. Again, what was he doing to turn her on?? Would he be prepared to dress up like a fireman, if that was her thing, and parade around, knowing all the time that it wasn't him turning her on, but the fantasy she had created. In fact tonight, I am going to get an old chippendales dvd out (that's about as risque as I got) and say to my bf that I only get turned on after watching it and just him along doesn't quite cut the muster; that I need to see other men naked before I'll have sex with him - or Brad Pitt perhaps - imagine if I say to him - please dress up and act like Brad Pitt and then I'll be really turned on enough to have sex with you -get real - he'd be devasted - just like a lot of women out there are. Yes, I'm liberal enough to have watched the porn with my bf as it's hard to offer an opinion on something you have never watched. As I say, my gut feel without completing my research, is that it is bad and unhealthy in a loving relationship. My bf turns me on enormously and I don't need that feeling to be diluted or adulterated by porn. And the fact that this guy is prepared to give up reality for fantasy is currently confirming my views that porn is dehumanising and unhealthy. If you want to go and get turned on, be inspired by life and it's realities; stop hiding in your fantasy world.
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reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Back again,
Very well said anonymous,
Reading back on what everyone has written has kept me stuck to my pc for quite a while, I dont think some of the comments were very deserved tho, everyone has a different opinion & just because their views dont match yours dosent make them a awful person!!
Lu x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): I dont agree with the last post as no one person is a waste of time, we all have a place a special place on this earth and we are here to learn. To be told we are a waste of time then write something means you have just spent time telling that person he has wasted your time so why bother writing it that makes no sense
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): I think your a waste of time and energy.You have the real thing.What more could you ask for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): The WORST thing you can do is lie about it! That will erode all trust in the relationship. If you are convinced you can't live your life without porn, let her know so she can make a decision based on the facts. If you are willing to give it up, she may surprise you and actually offer it back into the relationship at a later date after she feels secure that you value her more than the porn, or she may just be happy to have it out of her life and continue to ask that it be that way. I am curious.......why do you feel that you can't live without porn? Many people do all across the world and their life is not affected negatively by the absence, it is only this generation that feels it is a necessary part of life...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Hi Love,
Well what a bag of tricks, My b/f and I watch it together somtimes if he were to hide it from me then that would upset me more than the porn. And that is going from a previous relationship were my husband did not want sex but watched porn every night, That a bit of a head F...for a woman as you feel undesirable, Men are very visual creatures but so are some women, And I have read an awfull lot about this subject and one person said if a man watches it no problem its watched and done with but if a woman watches it she is more likely to cheat, That I dont agree with, I wouldnt delete it but if things are shared there is nothing to hide, Your g/f is feeling insecure hunny it makes no difference if you think shes the steak and the porn is the burger she probably feels like the burger...So be honest a relationship is about trust and honesty love so you have to think what you want and if you can talk with her about this when she is calmer then hopefully you will come to a better understanding together. TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXX
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reader, sexseahot +, writes (12 December 2007):
 It's not being something you're not. It's respecting your girlfriend's feelings and seeing this situation from her point of view. The one time I had found out my bf looked at porn, I was hurt and felt as if I wasn't good enough for him. I let him know how I felt and that was that. He cared enough for me not to do that again. So it's not like ALL guys look at porn. This might be how your girlfriend feels and the thought of having a COLLECTION of porn, just might be not fair to her. She probably wants to be the ONLY woman in your life you see naked and get turned on by. If you don't want to respect how she feels and give up porn, then it would be best to just break up with her and let her find someone that respects her like she needs to be respected.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Well gosh, who and what do you choose? A longterm committed relationship or pornography? Which do you value and uphold more, in your life? Your gf has set a boundary. If you want your relationship to continue, then heed that boundary. Porn viewing in love relationship is very controversial as you have seen from reading the posts on this site. I personally think, that when a guy is in a committed, love relationship with a female, pornography should be kept 'out' of the relationship. Somehow, you have convinced yourself that watching porn is normal...it's not. I know a lot of males (married and otherwise) that don't view pornography. So instead of convincing yourself that this is normal, why don't you just be try to be take your personal love relationship up to a higher standard and make it and yourself, special and unique. My suggestion: Quit the pornography and save your relationship...plain and simple. It's a choice, hun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I agree with angleblueeyes and birdynumnums. My wife and I sometimes watch it together and my first wife and I did the same. However, I usually watch it by myself. How often I watch depends on how my wife feels at the time. I am normally awake at 5 or 6 am. Sometimes she feels like snuggling and probably having sex. If this is the case for several days then I won't look at porn at all. Sometimes she wants me to get up and come back to bed in a couple of hours and let her sleep. If I get up and work on the computer, I look at porn for maybe a half hour to an hour at the end to get back in the mood. Neither of us see anything wrong with it.
As you said, there are greatly varied opinions on the forum. I have never watched porn with a woman who did not like it also. I use it as a mood enhancer or sexual fantasy if my wife is not in the mood for a couple of days. In those cases, it sort of replaces her and she is fine with that. I don't know if I could live with a woman who so objected to porn or fantasies. I've never had to and think that it would hurt the relationship. If I had to guess what I would do, I would have to say that I certainly wouldn't divorce my wife if she all of a sudden objected to it, but it would prpbably hurt our sex life. If I was going with someone and she deleated my collection and said that I was not permitted to have porn, then I think that I would seriously consider leaving her. However, never having had to make that decision, I might be wrong about that.
We all have to weigh the pluses and minuses of our partners. There are some things that I don't like about my wife. If you had asked me before I had met her if I would marry someone with those minuses, I would have probably said no. However, her pluses greatly outweighed her minuses. The thing that is different is that her minuses don't impact my life now, so this issue with porn is not really totally the same. I'm not sure if my rambling helps your thoughts any, but good luck with what you decide. Maybe her seeing some of the opinions on the forum will help her to think about it and see that you are not using porn because you are not happy with her.
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reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (12 December 2007):
 To be honest my gf was funny about porn. It was only when she was away and I felt lonely and horny that I'd look at it. It wasn't a replacement for her. At the end of the day there's nothing better than being with the one you love intimately. With the emotions there the feeling is multiplied 100 times.
However, we all have needs and I'm sure there are women out there who fantasise when they're lonely and I'm sure they don't just fantasise over their bf/husband.
Of course, if its compulsive and this is having an affect on you satisfying her sexual needs/desires then this is a different story altogether.
Did you know funnily enough that men's sex drive increases in the Winter? Apparently, hormones are more prevalent during the Winter months for some reason.
p.s. I prefer the analogy sometimes you want a quick snack, and sometimes you want the full blown three-course meal. Goes for "quickies" too :)
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reader, birdynumnums +, writes (12 December 2007):
 If you were compulsive and viewing porn constantly, say an hour a day, then yes, I'd be hurt and angry, about it. But I tend to feel that watching on occasion is probably normal for a guy. If your life revolves around it, not cool, every once in a while, okay. Personally, I have known women that view it as cheating, but I think that is a pretty extreme point of view and a bit unreasonable. Do you think that it's possible that your girlfriend is insecure about your relationship? Is she jealous about anything other than the porn? After living in Holland for ten years, it would only bother me if I felt that my husband was addicted to it. Haven't a clue if any of this was of any help, best of luck with everything. One last thing, deleting anything on your PC was quite an invasion of your personal right to privacy. My husband would have hit the roof if I did that, and I would be P.O.ed if he deleted anything on my computer too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Well then end the relationship. I mean she already told you that she is not happy about it. I think you should respect her feelings but if you don't want to then fine. I would not be happy at all if my bf had a porn collection while he was with me.
I used to date a guy who had a huge porn collection but he used to cringe at the thought of me thinking of or being attracted to anybody else. That's how some men are and that is not fair. But hey, you are a free man. So keep the porn and end the relationship. I am sure she will be just FINE without you. And that will give her a chance to meet a guy who will really value her opinion. So keep your greasy burger and let her have her steak.
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reader, Crisy +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Although looking at porn is natural for a bloke, try looking at it from her prospective and think how would you feel if she was looking at naked men better looking than you?
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reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (12 December 2007):
 What do you mean you are a "normal" bloke? I get so tired of generalizations. Not every man is the same and not every woman is the same. Not every man looks at porn. Also, I wouldn't go for your argument either-it sounds like you are comparing women to meat (steak/hamburger?) And when you say you refuse to be something you are not, does that mean you are porn?
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reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (12 December 2007):
Hi,
I completely understand where you are coming from, my hubby has quite a selection of porn & i dont think there is anything wrong with it sometimes i even watch it with him. It doesn't mean he wants me any less or that he even finds them attractive it's just a man thing,
I have to say tho i can never understand why woman hate there fellas watching it, a friend of my husband's is just the same he is band from watching porn because his wife hates it.
I can't see how a relationship can work that way tho because its built on being equal & making the other person change themselves to suit you is not the way it is, if you love them you accept them for who they are, bad bits & all!!
Soz if thats not the opinion you were after & good luck.
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reader, BellyDance +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Hmm....Well I think your girlfriend is very confussed as to why you view porn, and is probly offended by it. She most likely feels threated. She might have heard all the negative things about porn.(i.e men who watch porn lose respect for women). I'd say talk to her about it, explain to her how you feel about her, and let her know she shouldn't feel threaten by videos that arouse you. Maybe try to introduce the positive out come it has like adding a little spice to yours and hers sex life. In ther mean time I'd keep the porn hidden until you've talked about it with her.
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reader, hello1 +, writes (12 December 2007):
 If your g/f really against it then stop looking at it, and what I mean by that is don't have an collection, just look at the sites sometimes when she's not around. You obviously can't love her if your picking porn over her! god your not worth it anyway are you!
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