A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend confessed to cheating on me by saying that she's developed feelings for another guy, who also happens to be an old friend of mine. He knows that i and her are in a relationship but even then she was attracted to him after he said that he had been in "love" with her since a long time. All this happened just 3 weeks ago. She never told me about this until 2 days ago and she told me that she even said she "loved" him. To my questions like why do you still want to continue talking to him when you know that you love me and want to stay with me, she says it's a crazy thing she wants to do but can't stop herself from doing it even though she wants to. She wants me to "let her off" just this once as she really wants to meet him. I ask her why, she answers "i don't know". Everyday she texts and calls him and tells whatever I tell her about how i feel about all this and she tells me about whatever they talk about and their plans and stuff. She also told me that they were gonna meet up in Jan and she has made up her mind to meet him no matter what. When asked why she doesn't have this firmness in being committed to me, she says she doesn't know why! Asked why she says she "loves him" back every single day, she says she doesn't really mean it but says it only because he wants her to say it back to him! I am being deeply hurt every single moment and i'm not even sure how i should react anymore. We have shared and been through so many things and i never ever thought some guy could just come and take away everything we had in just 3 weeks! sigh. she says she'll never do this again but wants to meet him this time no matter what. She used the phrase "we decided" when i asked her how and when did u decide all of this without me knowing anything. Made me feel like a third unimportant person. please help me out. should i let her see him and bear with it till January?! isn't it disgusting for my girl to see and have feelings for another guy when she still says she loves me? isn't what she's doing wrong? should i let her see him and wait till jan? she doesn't answer when i ask her to end whatever it is with him right now but says she will never ever do this again after meeting him. I am really confused.
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male
reader, Boy Blue  +, writes (11 September 2010):
You are young and have A LOT to look forward to in life and I assure you there are millions of girls out there who can remain faithful. No one is perfect, neither are you, but you deserved better than. Good luck and stay true to your words!
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 You did the right thing!! So happy for you!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Good for you! You have stood up for yourself! You are right, it is very hard and painful, but you know it was the right thing to do. And you will feel so much better, already you are feeling better because now you don't have to hurt because of her any more and just enjoy life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone, for being so helpful to a stranger. :)
I ended things with her this morning even though I didn't want to and yes it did hurt a lot. But I feel a lot loghter now. She begged me to take her back. I was very much tempted. But I knew things would never be the same again between us ever again. She is still begging me now. I will not take her back ever. I hope I find an equally loving girl someday. For now, I'm happy being single!
Thanks everyone!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (10 September 2010):
And in answer to your question, "will there be a girl who would just want one guy and stay true to him and be strong?"...YES. Most people who are in a healthy, committed relationship would never have space for anyone else. Its not a game, its a RELATIONSHIP. Iv been with my boyfriend since high school, and I just cannot understand when people say they find it hard to be committed to just one person, and stay true to them. Trust me, its the easiest thing to do.It just comes to you...you don't have to try to get yourself to feel it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (10 September 2010):
"I don't know" is the best answer that most people come up with. Its safe, its easy, and what there's nothing left to ask someone who "doesn't know".Anyway,you might not like hearing this but I'm not going to sugar-coat anything.Il tell you something straight now. You know what everyone has been saying. You know what any other agony aunts WILL say. What did you expect to hear when you came here? You know what the truth is.You know what you should do in this scenario. If you dont WANT to do that, its completely your prerogative. Your girlfriend is in "love" with some other guy. Accept it. Your past might have been the most perfect one with her, but obviously she doesnt think so. Why else would she want to go to this other guy, even for that one time?You're worried about "what she might do to herself" if you let her go. Let the other guy take care of her, if she's so hurt. Why do you have to be the consolation prize? Can things ever be the same between you after all this? It takes two people to be in a relationship. Not one. Not THREE.If you're still ok with all this, stay on, get hurt and stop complaining. Decide what YOU want first. This is not the best situation to be in. Its a HORRIBLE situation. But you have to make the best of a bad situation and take control of your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2010):
 The "I don't know" is just the best excuse she can come up with that she think may not hurt your feelings too much.
She wants to do it and for whatever reason she feels entitled to do it. If I'm not wrong she will do it anyways with or with out your permission.....
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (9 September 2010):
I think it is obvious what you should do...as everyone else seems to have the same idea.
She is not confused and neither are you. You both know what you are doing and I am sure when she says "I don't know" she pretty much knows.
I know you want to "work it out" but she doesn't seem interested in doing that. There's plenty of other girls out there. Also I am sure that when she finally meets this other guy she will dump you anyway. Even if she doesn't dump you, she will probably continue to cheat on you since you are letting her get away with it already.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 September 2010):
Yes, leave this woman, she is not worthy of being in a relationship with you. She doesn't respect you the way she goes on about this other man, and it is not making you happy at all. What she is doing to you is horrible. Tell her that she is welcome to meet the other man, as much as she likes. And then leave her. She tells him every day she loves him, then do her the favour and let her and him figure it out for themselves. End the relationship and move on to someone better. Someone who actually loves and respects you and is committed to the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEverybody, I have the same questions as yours and i have also asked her. The answer i get is "i don't know"! Can a girl really be this confused?! or is she just pretending to be?! Please help me out. Is this what I get in the end for staying true to her, for being there for her, and helping her out in every possible way?! My concern is what she might do to herself if i let her go. I do not want her to hurt herself.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 September 2010):
I'm with everyone else. Dump her.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (9 September 2010):
You don't want to end this, but drag it on till it gets really ugly? Ask her how she would feel if she were in your place. She's THAT desperate to meet up with this guy, and you still want to make it work? If you think you can look beyond this, then its your call. But it'l be a very difficult road.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, just because she can't think straight, doesn't mean I can't. I like to keep promises and after staying true to her for so long, this is what i get! sigh. Anonymous, will there be a girl who would just want one guy and stay true to him and be strong? I have asked the same questions you have asked me to her, and the answer i get is "i don't know"! What do i infer from this or what do i do?! you can probably see how confused i am!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, just because she can't keep her word, doesn't mean I can't! I like to keep promises and stay true and as I said, I just don't understand this situation. Anonymous, if i let her go, won't she feel bad and get depressed. Think what she might do to herself. I don't want to hurt her or let herself get hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, just because she can't keep her word, doesn't mean I can't! I like to keep promises and stay true and as I said, I just don't understand this situation. Anonymous, if i let her go, won't she feel bad and get depressed. Think what she might do to herself. I don't want to hurt her or let herself get hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, the thought came across my mind, but just thinking of how much we have been through, all this seems surreal! i mean, i feel like why not give this another try. You can probably see how confused i am. Empop, no way i wam interested in other women. I shut my mind from anything and everything and stayed so true to her and this is what i get! Sigh. And the questions you have, I asked her too. The answer - "I don't know". This is all she says, for the most part.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2010):
Ask her how she would feel if you wanted to FUCK (pardon the bluntness) her best female friend.. just once?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thought crossed my mind too. But as i said, we've been through so so much and when I think about all that it just hurts me to think that this is the end. I feel why not try to work it out? You can probably see how confused i am! She texted me a while ago asking yet again, to let her off just this once and then she would be mine again without her doing things like this ever again. What the hell does this mean?!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (9 September 2010):
Honey thats crazy!! Nobody in their senses would like their girl to go meet another guy whom she claims to "love".Not being judgmental here...maybe she thinks its ok to behave this way. But its clearly not. Get out of his mess with what little respect you have left. Never a good idea to be in a complicated web like this. Your girl sounds very confused and maybe you should find someone who wants just you. There's no space for any third person in a healthy relationship. Dont wait for her to call the shots. You let go of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Dude just leave her , and like our friend said FIND YOUSELF A GIRL WHO WOULD RESPECT YOU AND WANT JUST YOU
u might tell me that u love her and u guys been through a lot but duude she doesnt seem to take that into account so do urself a favor and find urself a girl who would deserve u !
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A
female
reader, empop +, writes (9 September 2010):
It is possible to have an open relationship - where both parties are able to have sexual encounters with people other than their primary partner - without either person considering it cheating. But, it requires a lot of open communication, and perhaps isn't what you are looking for. Additionally, the fact that your friend/girlfriend keep referring to each other as being "in love" is a bad sign - perhaps one that indicates she is looking for more than just a hookup.
I will say though, to her credit, that she asked you first which means she may be interested in continuing a relationship with you. I would ask her why does she want to stay with you?
Would you feel better about the situation if you were also able to hook up with other women? If so, perhaps you should consider an open relationship. If not, however, I think you should consider breaking up. Forbidding her from seeing this guy is likely to make her resentful, and possibly just lead to her not telling you about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2010):
Why not let her go PERMANTLY? Find yourself a girl who wants YOU and no body but you.
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