A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After going through a difficult long-term breakup I decided to join an online dating site just for fun. Surprisingly I instantly met someone really good looking and we chatted for about a month before meeting in person. He was even better in real life, gorgeous, sweet and we got along really well. I found it a bit odd that he was on a dating site to begin with as he didn't seem shy and has a lot of cool friends but then I was on there just for fun so thought maybe he was too. We're both in our early-mid twenties. He didn't kiss me on the first date and as I'm not used to making the first move I just left it. After the 4th date and still no kiss I made the first move. It was kind of awkward but I figured he must just be really shy. I met his friends who all seemed really impressed that he had a girlfriend so I soon realised he'd never had a girlfriend before which is very strange as he's good looking, well-built, smart, everything you'd want in a boyfriend. After 2 months he took me away for a romantic weekend. Thinking this was definitely going to be the perfect time to take our relationship to the 'next level' I didn't hesitate in going for it. He lit a fire, we had music, red wine, everything. But he physically couldn't. He told me it was his first time, he'd never met anyone he wanted to sleep with before me. I was really upset and thought I wasn't attractive enough but told him it was fine we could wait. The thing is, I've been waiting for over 4 months now and he hasn't tried anything. All we do is kiss and there's no chemistry when we do. The only time he's all over me is around his friends. I'm really worried that he's gay and doesn't know it, is that possible? He told me he gets hit on by gay guys all the time and it really freaks him out. He talks about the future and says how much he loves me and how beautiful I am but when we sleep in the same bed he doesn't even touch me and it's becoming a big issue for me. I've started seeing him as a friend. I don't know if I should tell him that I don't think it's normal to not want to do anything physical with his girlfriend (or any other girl) or if I should just break up with him and say I'd rather be friends. I love him, just not the way I should. He also never looks at other girls and hates 'slutty' or 'forward' type girls, no matter how pretty they are.
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female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Sounds like he could be in the closet. Especially if he is only all over you in front of his friends, if thats the case then he might feel like he had something to prove to his friends about his sexuality.
However, it sounds pretty passive aggressive that you were upset about something but told him you were fine. In the future, if you're upset speak up. Thats really the only way any relationship will work out-communication.
Thats besides the point though, sorry. If your gut is telling you that he's gay he might be. Or asexual. A lot of people don't believe people can be asexual but its a real thing. Some people aren't attracted romantically to guys or girls. That could be an option too.
Next time you're around him, pay attention to how he acts towards his guy buddies. Also, if he walks in a room and there are girls and guys around take notice of who he glances at first (do this more than once) if he always looks at dudes first then that could be a subtle hint.
However, maybe he's just really old fashioned. Maybe he really prizes his virginity and doesn't want to have sex before marriage. There are people like that and not all guys like slutty girls. That opinion fits well with this too.
There are a lot of options with this guy. It seems like he's either gay, asexual or old fashioned. But if you aren't feeling chemistry, then he's probably not for you in the long run anyhow.
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