A
male
age
36-40,
*ntichrist
writes:My girlfriends pregnant again... We already have 4 kids, she popped the first sprog out when she was 15, had to stay with her ever since, i dont wanna leave her but i cant handle any more kids! Its doin my nut in! She wont get rid of it either., we've never got any money, no jobs, no education, families hate us, im lost?? Someone help.. I feel like I'm desperate
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female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 4 kids already?!
Damn, do you just have sex in your spare time? Or is she REALLY that fertile? Use birth control; get a vasectomy; get her tubes tied! You people need to stop having children!
(I'm curious; are you mormons? Because that would actually explain a bit...)
If she doesn't want to give up the baby; then you can't force her to get an abortion. Try talking to her again and reasoning with her as this is a joint decision - but if she still says no, then you're going to have to live with it.
Stop sleeping with her and get a second job, don't be pathetic and whine that you can't take any more kids, you chose this life and you're going to have to deal with it.
You're going to have to man up and be the best father that you can be, your kids deserve that much.
Contact social services and see if they'll help you out (in your situation, they should be glad to!).
Take Care
xo
A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Have you logically explained all this to your girlfriend? Have you explained to her that abortion is really the best option? If you have, and she still disagrees...well, you'll have to live with it. It's her choice. You chose to sleep with her and you chose to not use contraception...and those were YOUR choices. Both of you will have to live with these decisions.
Get a vasectomy ASAP. They're relatively cheap and very simple and safe.
Take the advice of the other aunts here to get your life together financially.
I have one question, though. Why aren't you married to your girlfriend? I'd think with 4 kids a marriage is long past-due!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Making such a serious decision as having an abortion is a decision between you and your gf. It is not yours to make on your own. If she's not co-operating, then you have no choice but to accept this. She's a mother to 4 children already...I am guessing it would be absolutely heartbreaking for her to end the life, of her unborn child. But you're unhappy about this and it's plain she has made a baby with a man who doesn’t want to be a father, again. How sad.
As suggested below, Look into gov't agencies such as social services in your areaa and ask for help. Check into education and career programs for yourself and start building your life, so you can make a better one for your family. I also suggest you get a vasectomy asap. If you don't agree, perhaps she would agree to a tubal ligation after the birth. But I think something has to be done, here. And it's time for you both to make a plans for this baby and the rest of the family.
It will require you, as the father..to buck up, work damn hard and begin taking more responsibility by getting a solid, long term, good job, one with a future.As well as checking into career programs, you need network yourself with everyone you know and let them know you are trying hard to succeed and that you need work. You may even have to begin working a 2nd job, if you have to ensure those children are financially looked after. Get out there and do it-this will build self-pride in you and give your children a father they can revere and respect for years to come.
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A
male
reader, logicdebates +, writes (23 June 2008):
You made the choice in life to sleep with her. This is the path you have chosen, you are a father to several children and will have to deal with it. Be a good dad to your children, get a second job to make ends meet. I am going to save the lectures and will only say you now have this responsability to be there for your children.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Yeah, use birth control. It is available for men to you know.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Then its time to get 'sorted' out, either you or your girlfriend can be sterilised. You are just as responsible for this as she is, if you really didnt want any more you should have sat down and discussed permanent contraception with each other.
But as for the baby now on the way will one more really make that much difference? You must have all the equipment already and as this baby is born another will probably be coming out of nappies so the expense wont be much more. Clothes can be handed down etc etc. Are you on some kind of social benefit, that will increase with another child if so.
Whilst you are waiting for the baby to be born get some self respect and find a job, if you are not working you can retrain, I dont live in USA but surely there must be help available to get jobless people into work. If you sit around the house all day then yes it will be hard with more kids so get off your bum and do something about it!!!!! Your family needs you x
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A
female
reader, lalybug2008 +, writes (23 June 2008):
 You sound just like my current boyfriend. He has a son from a previous relationship that they gave up for adoption, he has a son with his more recent ex gf and he has a daughter with me. I got pregnant again and he demanded an abortion. He was cold and heartless. Only cared about himself where the pregnancy was concerned. "I can't handle another child. Another child will kill me right now...etc"... it was PATHETIC! I hope and pray you're not that cold with her. No woman should be put through something like that. If neither one of you have jobs, there's social services available.. you'll get everything paid for. There are plenty of alternatives aside from abortion. Unfortunately for me, I miscarried due to the stress of it all.
Get on birth control too. Situations like this are heartbreaking because they happen too often.
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A
female
reader, M! +, writes (23 June 2008):
 stop having unprotected sex.
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A
female
reader, accused +, writes (23 June 2008):
 First thing I would do is talk to your GF and decide which one is going to get fixed. I know they offer several birth control options now that will last up to 10yrs or better. I can't say that I have a lot of empathy for you right now, You have 4 children so I KNOW you understand the whole reproductive plan. I wouldn't get upset with your GF because she doesn't want to abort her child, thats a lot for anyone to deal with. There are several programs (considering where you live) that were made to help families in situations as yours. Please send me a email with your state and I will be more than happy to forward you the information. You made the statement in your post that you've "had to stay with her ever since" sounds to me like you've held a lot resentment toward your GF for having the first child at 15? Regardless to what you are feeling now, this woman has given you 4 children so you need to sit down and think out the rest of your life, what you want to do as a career;etc. I wish you the best of luck... Keep me posted
Accused
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Use birth CONTROL.
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