A
male
age
36-40,
*tuckguy
writes:My gf and I are mad at each other. We’ve dated for about 16 months. I’m 27 and she’s 26. We’re each other's first gf/bf.We were eating at a buffet along with her sister. My gf returned to the table with a small bowl of soup and placed it on the table. I tried to take a small clump of rice to the discarded food plate. While holding it over, the rice accidentally dropped in her bowl. Right away, I told her that I “had dropped some rice in her bowl.” She and her sister didn’t see anything before that. Instantly, I saw her face attitude changed from “cute and happy” to the attitude of “pissed.” Before I could say sorry or anything, she demanded in a very mean voice to “go get me another one.” I responded in a calm voice that “If you want another one, say it in a better way.” I went to get her another bowl, and said sorry for dropping it. I felt very disrespected for something so trivial. We didn’t talk to each other while I drove them home.I stayed at her place for about an hour and told her that if it were reversed, I would’ve made sure that she feels better for dropping it, not worse. I would’ve just calmly get another one without making such a pissed off attitude for something so small. She responded that it’s who she is. I can either accept it or not. Her sister defended her saying that’s how they are. I responded that it’s what and how you choose to respond. They responded that they choose to act pissed. I was lost for words.I was still angry, so I left. Before leaving, I told her to study well and “goodbye.” She didn’t say anything. I got home about 20 minutes later since I had to stop by UPS to ship out an item for RMA. I missed her first call because I didn’t hear the ringtone. She called again 2 minutes later, and I picked it up. She asked if I was home. I responded yes. She then asked why I didn’t call her. (I almost always call her when I get home unless I forget). I responded that I just got home from UPS and was about to call. She didn’t believe my explanation and said she was “tired” [of my behavior]. She said that if that’s how I behave, then we shouldn’t see each other again until the end of the year. I told her to just focus on her study (she has finals in one week) and we’ll take about this later. She said that this time she was “serious.” I repeated that she should just focus on her study. We then both hanged up.How should I proceed now? She got pissed that I dropped some rice in her bowl, that I was angry at her, and that I didn’t call her. I did not yell, raise my voice, or say anything hurtful. Everything I said was to tell her that her attitude was disrespectful to me for something as small as rice dropped in a bowl of soup. She essentially implied that I should just take it because that’s who she is.Should I not talk to her? Should I not see her? How should I respond to her request that we shouldn’t see each other until the end of the year? Should I call or text her during that time? It seems like every time we argue, she seems to be asking if “we need a break” or that we shouldn’t see each other for some time. This is at least her 5x times doing so. Please guide. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): You should leave someone who is abusive, otherwise they won't really ever change just only slightly here and there so they can say they did something.
If you're going to give your gf a chance to change her ways and become a better partner, then by all means. But you should only get back with her AFTER she has proven that she is changed. Not while she's still in the process of making changes and not proven if it will last or not. If you're still with her as she's changing then there's no reason for her to continue to move forward with her self improvement. what's the incentive, if you're there regardless?
A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (6 December 2011):
Some cowardly male individual who shall remain nameless due to his desire to be anonymous have written to you OP saying ignore me. On the contrary, op if you are dating someone you know have certain issues and you wish to remain with that individual, unfortunately you will have to tolerate those certain issues whether or not your sweetheart desires to work on the issues. To diffuse any situation and win the key is not ignite it by bringing in controversy or disagreement. I'm sorry you're in a bad situation but someone has to be calm during situations so that no issue arise later. She may very well act like a b*t*ch, but if you love her and want to keep the relationship then you will have to ignore her tantrums. Over time two things can happen you could get used to it and understand that that's her struggle or you can say you've had enough and move on without her. The first time I said apologize and go out of your way. When you do this ppl see your apology as genuine. I assure you that she will tire picking a battle with u if ur not bugging. My final advice......evaluate the relationship. Are the majority of your needs being met? Are you happy to be around her and spent time with her over70% of the time? I once again wish you the best. take care
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Next time dont drop rice. Drop ice cubes. Drop them down her top and make sure one lands on her sister too. If she asks you if you want to break,tell her yes.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (5 December 2011):
I haven't read all the posts, but looks like you have good advice. I would add that you sound like you are in a typical 1st bf/gf relationship. Both of you at times maybe are too egocentric and exagerate stuations for dramatic effect. Learning to respect each other and understand (and accept) the partners point of view is a sign of maturity and something that you don't suddenly grow into in your first relationship. You need to firmly state where you stand and see if she wants to grow up, bet I expect she doesn't!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): She is obnoxious,spoiled and you are under her thumb. Forget what cmarieky says, she cannot help her anti male sway,just like your girlfriend cannot help being a brat. There are people in the world who are starving and would give anything for that bit of rice. Sorry your girlfriend needs to get her goodbyes. Put her amongst the starving millions and give her something real to get pissed about.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Hi Stuckguy,
Now I understand her behavior, and why her sister defended her. It's her dad to blame. " an apple don't fall too far from the tree"....
1st it's in her genes.
2nd it's her character.
3rd she grew up watching her dad being so rude to her mom..
You said that she has improved the last year? So there's hope, you cannot change a person over night. I noticed that besides her being rude, disrespectful, she's also stubborn, and have strong character. All I can say is, have patience and hopefully she can improve more so one day she can stop being so in rage all the time. You cannot make a person change, she needs to understand, acknowledge, take responsibility, and accept. You cannot force her. I know you've been together 3 long years, but remember, she's been this way her whole life. I guess since her dad behaves this way, it's normal to her? Good thing is that she knows it's wrong, because she told you once, she didn't like how her dad treats her mom sometimes?
You've been a good boyfriend, you handle the situation the best way you can, and I believe you when you said you didn't fight back. The thing is, if you want to be with her, you need to continue being patience. She needs love and support to get better. It takes a strong man to be with her. I truly hope your girlfriend realize that she has an amazing boyfriend. I hope she understands that you love her for who she's, you are not asking her to change, but she needs to understand, and realize that she has an attitude problem and she needs to learn how to control.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (5 December 2011):
Everyone has given you great advice already so I will only add in a few words here.
She knows she can treat you like this because she knows she can get away with it. By threatening to break up she knows that you won't want that and will therefore overlook the fact that she is nasty because her bad behaviour is the lesser of two evils when it comes to choosing between that and splitting up.
This is a horrible and manipulative way to behave. You also note that she never shows any remorse- that is because, again, she knows she doesn't have to bother. She has this things about "accepting her for who she is", which is basically sticking two fingers up at you and saying deal with it or else. That is a horrible way to behave. She probably likes to have control over you and this is how it is manifesting. Moreover, if she has her sister to back her up then she probably thinks this is a good way of justifying how she acts. It isn't of course- my sister always sticks up for me too and vice versa, but of course we both know when we're in the wrong, it just means we have to protest even more that we are actually in the right!
Your gf seems very immature. Maybe if you are her first bf she thinks that this is how people behave in relationships. It isn't though; chocoholicforever gives an excellent answer regarding things you can and cannot change. Your gf is simply trying to twist the arguments to suit her, but she is way off the mark.
Please don't put up with this OP. Your gf needs to learn that she can't just threaten to break up every time she doesn't get her own way. I think if you played her at her own game she would get a massive shock which might make her think a little bit about how she treats you. I know from experience how horrible it is to be on the end of someone who makes threats like that and it ends up warping your own behaviour and you really risk turning in a doormat, and not only that, a very unhappy doormat who is constantly on edge (again, I speak from experience).
I think you should try and cut all contact with her. She needs to realise that her behaviour is wrong. Don't call, don't text, don't email, and if she makes the first move then don't reply, at least, not at first. See what she has to say. I am certain that she is expecting you to cave in, make a grovelling apology, and basically be abjectly sorry when you haven't really done anything wrong. This then gives her the upper hand again, and moreover makes her think that this pattern of behaviour is the way forward as it ensures that she gets what she wants.
Be strong OP! I KNOW that it's so easy for us to say that, but, I have a feeling you know that it's probably the right thing to do deep down.
Good luck! Keep us posted, and post back if you need any more support. Actually that did end up being more than just a few words didn't it......
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male
reader, stuckguy +, writes (5 December 2011):
stuckguy is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chocoholicforeverThank you and everyone for your insights. I just want to make a distinction, if there's any.[quote]She's saying "I will treat you rudely and inconsiderately and if you want me to treat you better, I'm not going to stay in this relationship anymore."[end quote]What she was saying is that "I would only improve myself IF you accept that I can be rude and inconsiderate." She conjunct it with another condition that she wouldn't want the relationship IF I don't accept her for who she is.I can see clearly where my gf and her sister got their yelling and shouting behaviors. They got it from their dad, who sometimes shout and yell when talking to his wife. I witnessed this a few times while visiting. The wife is very friendly and nice, however. My gf told me a few times how she never liked the way her father acts toward her mother because he's rude to her. It seems sometimes the way she acts is an exact mirror of her father.When we first met, she was even ruder and more disrespectful sometimes yelling at me for doing something wrong. She has improved tremendously about a year ago as we learn about each other more, but sometimes her old self gets the better of her. This was the first time she flipped out for at least 3 months, but it brought back bad memories. I keep believing that she can change and that she will change. I can't help wonder what values she would teach our children - that it's okay to CHOOSE to be disrespectful. This thought scare me very much.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (5 December 2011):
"I just want to ask everyone's opinion on this as well. I had been told in the past that I have to accept her for "who she is" including her occasional disrespectfulness with me BEFORE she's willing to improve herself. If I don't accept her for "who she is," then she considers that I don't love her enough. As a result, she wouldn't want to continue with the relationship. At that time, I accepted her for who she is, but I sometimes find it more and more difficult to tolerate"
OP, I think you're misunderstanding the concept of "accepting your partner for who they are."
Acceptance of someone is (a) optional/voluntary and (b) usually in a healthy relationship, applies to things that the person is powerless to change and which you are able to come to terms with emotionally so that it really doesn't distress you if they never change.
For example let's say your girlfriend got into a car accident and became permanently disfigured or disabled. This is something she is powerless to change, and no matter how much you ask her to become un-disabled or un-disfigured, she can't do it. So that's when you "should" accept her for who she is. But then again, acceptance doesn't have to mean continuing the relationship exactly as it was before if the relationship doesn't function that way anymore because one or both of you has changed. You can accept someone, while changing the nature of the relationship (so you can accept them). Non-acceptance of someone would mean refusing to have any kind of relationship with them. Or, claiming to stay in the relationship of a certain kind while trying to change them against their will or punishing them for being the way they are when they can't help it.
In your situation, when your gf says you "have" to accept her "as who she is" - she's referring to things that she very well can change but is simply choosing not to. She can learn to control her anger and her nasty words. She can learn better communication skills. She can learn to be more empathetic and considerate of others. But she doesn't want to. She wants to do things exactly the way she has been. Therefore, saying you "have to accept her the way she is" is, from this perspective of making it sound like she has the right to be this way and for you to accept it, is a load of rubbish because it's very well possible for her behavior to be different she's just making the conscious decision not to.
But even so, actually she can still demand that you accept her this way. But you similarly have a right to disagree and not to accept it. Why should her opinion and her wants and desires trump yours? Why shouldn't she accept you the way you are rather than demanding you accept her? Thus, you really are not morally bound to stay in this relationship out of a sense of guilt that not doing so means not accepting her for who she is which is some big moral failing. that's not the case at all. Another way to look at it is this: she's laying out her terms and conditions for her to stay in this relationship. she's saying "I will treat you rudely and inconsiderately and if you want me to treat you better, I'm not going to stay in this relationship anymore." That's fine, she has a right to make up whatever terms she wants no matter how ridiculous. She could very well say that unless you grow 5 inches taller she will not stay with you. It doesn't mean you have to accept it. you can certainly respond with "I dont' agree to your terms and conditions for this relationship, therefore it is over." The ending of this relationship was as much HER choice, as yours.
The problem comes when you want the relationship to continue, and yet you can't go along with her terms and conditions because it's too distressing. And in this case, that's no big surprise. I think you should ask yourself WHY you want this relationship to continue precisely when you hate the terms and conditions of it.
as others here have pointed out, a partner like this, makes for a unhealthy and miserable relationship. Ask yourself what your goal or objective for being in any romantic relationship is, what the personal costs of this relationship are to you (namely, a lot of stress and emotional abuse) and whether it makes sense for you to stay in this one. As another poster said, your gf is emotionally abusive. I would recommend you read up articles on the web of the long-term consequences on YOU of staying in a relationship with an emotionally abusive partner.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Stuckguy, you say she's your first girlfriend, and you her first boyfriend, well I guess none of you are used to this type of thing.
Your trying to be polite and kind to a rude, selfish, woman - She expects you to treat her like gold, whilst you get treated like shit.. "that's just the way she is".
Now, I can understand that she doesn't know much about boyfriends, and she's wonderful to everyone else. But this behaviour to you is rude, abusive and selfish, already you is getting frightened of her, and your not sure how to act when she get's like this. This will damage your self-esteem and confidence and you will start to feel bad about yourself.
That's why we all say (except some aunts, who act like this and do OK) leave this woman, she isn't doing you no good. Now she "is the way she is" because she's been single for a long time and doesn't know about compromise, looking after your boyfriend, and treating him well. But if you stay, she won't learn, she'll just think you like bad treatment, and continue to demand, reject, shout, and command.
A break will definitely do you good - (personally people who treat me like this, and make me feel bad, I dump them and never talk to them again. I'm worth more than that, and so are you. I'm nobody's punching bag)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): I'm Wondering, OP , why you WANT to be with this woman. Because she's physically attractive? So then you are okay with being abused?
Please read over the link.
http://www.thisisawar.com/AbuseEmotional.htm
I suspect your GF is emotionally abusive and AWARE of it. Because I don't think she was like this from the start. I think she slowly let it slip she was like this way so she is in control of her behaviour. She's just abusive.
I'm thinking she learnt it from Dad or Mom. The cycle of abuse perpetuates itself.
She won't want counselling because really, its not her, its you. It is an ultimatum.
So you chose. STay and take the abuse, or have some self respect, self love and walk.
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male
reader, stuckguy +, writes (5 December 2011):
stuckguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe previous reply was addressed to cmarieky and maverick494, not just cmarieky.
I just want to ask everyone's opinion on this as well. I had been told in the past that I have to accept her for "who she is" including her occasional disrespectfulness with me BEFORE she's willing to improve herself. If I don't accept her for "who she is," then she considers that I don't love her enough. As a result, she wouldn't want to continue with the relationship. At that time, I accepted her for who she is, but I sometimes find it more and more difficult to tolerate.
How do I respond to the same, essentially, ultimatum again if she brings up the question if I accept her for who she is? ONLY if I accept her that she works to improve behavior. I've a feeling that she will bring up the same question.
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male
reader, stuckguy +, writes (5 December 2011):
stuckguy is verified as being by the original poster of the question@cmarieky: I didn't have the time to even apologize and offer to get another bowl of soup. She immediately went into the "pissed" mode and just yelled at me to "go get another one" at the moment I told her that I had dropped some rice in the soup. I would've no problem getting her another bowl, but it's sad that for something so small can have such a reaction.
I don't think she's stress with the finals, because it's still 7 days away. She doesn't have any work left except for 2 finals, and she's very good with her time management. She had been studying a week before today. In fact, we went out, at her request, to watch a movie and had fun just the night before.
I don't understand how it's hypocrite of me to tell her how I felt? I wasn't rude or demeaning in explaining my feelings. Please explain.
The thing that bothers me most is that she doesn't feel any remorse, regret, or a hint of understanding that's unacceptable to act the way she did. She would have not tolerated if I acted the same way to her, yet she wants me to just "take it" because it's who she is.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 December 2011):
Sorry to reply twice but I just spotted your follow up (slow internet connection over here).
Your girlfriend seems to be too accepting of her flaws and not so tolerant about others. That to me does sound like a red flag. My dad used to be like a landmine; he would blow up at the most trivial things--but he knew this was his problem and he wanted to do something about it. Your gf doesn't. So tell her:
"The problem with being "just how you are" is that it makes you a hypocrite. You want me to accept you blowing up at me over trivial stuff yet you won't grant me the same courtesy. That's hardly fair, is it?"
Honestly though, I would tire quickly from a person like her. Having flaws is fine, as long as someone recognizes them for what they are and work to improve themselves.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 December 2011):
In a psychology class we talked about defense mechanisms. One of them was "projection". Basically what happens is this: someone is influenced by something, be it a bad situation, something stressful coming up (finals for example), etc. that does not offer a direct outlet for frustration. What then happens is projection: that frustration is projected on someone else, in this case you. She is not actually angry at YOU, she has simply used you as an outlet when the opportunity presented itself (you dropping rice in her bowl).
Now, this is not a good thing, and especially not something a mature, intelligent woman should do. However, we're all human and shit like this happens to all of us once in a while.
Your girlfriend is stressed out about finals. You made a mistake and she was snippy with you, which you rightly pointed out. However, you are a bit of a hypocrite by making the same big deal out of this she did, which only incited another unwanted reaction. Things like this are only worth discussing when the other person has calmed down completely. I once made the mistake of pushing an issue with a friend and it almost ended our friendship because it totally got out of hand. So just take a breather and leave it until she's cooled off so you can discuss it with her when she's more sensible.
Personally I rarely get mad over anything, I'm a smiley, simple, easy to please person. But I know a lot of people who come with an instruction manual and your gf seems to be one of those. Doesn't mean she should get away with childish behavior like this. It just means that you need to know how to play your cards. If you're not up for that, end the relationship and find a girl who isn't a ticking timebomb when she's stressed out.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (4 December 2011):
 She's really not worth your time if she's going to turn into a mess over some rice in her soup. She's 26 and willing to let petty things like this get to her. That's not good and just shows her immaturity. So move on or if that's not an option, then let her be the one to apologize to you, and if she doesn't within a week, then you should leave.
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female
reader, peacelovecandy +, writes (4 December 2011):
 I don't agree with any of the responses. She just sounds like a poor stressed out girl. She has finals coming up - that's serious business. I sometimes act like that around my boyfriend - God help me if he posted anything. I'd hate to see the responses against me.
Just give her space and let her have things her way for a while. If that doesn't work, maybe she's grown sick of you. When I get like this, I just want my boyfriend to leave me alone for a while and let me breathe.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): Its the mindset/attitude that in the end, does show how she reacts to situations that does not paint her as a ver kind, loving, patient woman that will respect, honour and love another individual.
You will have the duty of retraining her and HOPE she can listen and learn how to treat you; it will be a battle as her rationale is TOUGH, its who I am so you with me, you accept/take it.
So if that is what she honestly believes, then you take it or leave it.
She made it quite clear.
She is now punishing you by denying her 'presence/friendship/relationship' because you wouldn't tolerate her disrespectful, abusive reaction?
Dude, its time to move on. She is clearly a selfish, unreasonable, emotionally abusive woman and you DESERVE better than that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): When she mentions a break,just agree and say make it a permanent one. I think her and her sister are a.holes and you dont want to be made feeling like shit. Dump her spoilt ass.
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female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (4 December 2011):
It's not solely your girlfriends fault. You dropped rice in her soup, although you did apologise the apology itself cannot take the rice out the soup. It was your duty without her request to get her another bowl of soup, afterall it was you who dropped your rice. So she made a big deal of it.......only bc u didn't go out of your way to see to it that she knows ur sorry and desire without her encouragement to get her another bowl of soup. It's the principal in this situation...the soup means nothing she may not have even ate it all. But if u at least went out your way she'd see you under a different hue. She got made bc she didn't think you cared, you got mad bc she made a scene in front of someone and it crushed your male ego. No one is without fault here. Now you are putting your ego aside bc u want her. She had legitimate reasons for being upset if she actually had to ask the culprit to get her another bowl of soup. You displayed lack of concern for something which concerned her greatly. Some people are serious about their food. The best thing for you to do is sincerely apologize to her and tell her you could have done more to help her during the situation. You could have saw that it was your fault regardless of intent, and you could have told her once you apologized that you are headed to get her another bowl of soup and anything else that she may want from the buffet for inconvenience her. If she see you'd go above and beyond with an apology and actions she would have immediately forgiven u and the situation would never have escalated. Best wishes......
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 December 2011):
Dump her, she doesn't want a boyfriend, she wants a slave who will jump at her every command. Dump her, no guy will stay with such a rude, selfish woman. When you dump her, in a couple of weeks she'll be on her knees begging you to come back to her. But don't believe her, this is how she is, rude and selfish, she only thinks about her own needs, and hasn't got space to care for anyone else in the world.
How should you respond to her request for a break for a year... or when she suggests breaking up for the 6th time. Say, "yippee, wonderful, fantastic, brilliant idea, I'll call you, if I ever find the need" (and don't)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): I think you're better off without, to be honest. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but life's too short to waste your time having petty disagreements with pathetic, selfish people who seriously need to grow up. The fact that your girlfriend (and her sister, who sounds just as bad) said they *choose* to behave the way they do would be a dealbreaker for me. So your girlfriend *decides* to be an immature, spoilt little brat? Well there are a million and one other girls out there who *decide* to be kind and understanding, and treat their boyfriends well. If your girlfriends says that's just the way she is, take it or leave it, then I think you should do the latter. You deserve much better than this! Good luck and take care :)
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male
reader, stuckguy +, writes (4 December 2011):
stuckguy is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chickpea2011: To clarify. She has threatened to break up permanently, to take break briefly, or she would asked if I want to take a break whenever we get into an argument (generally a more significant one). It's becoming tiresome and exhausting as you said. I'm get "on edge" whenever I make a small mistake. She doesn't act this way to other people and her friends. Most of her friends think that she's a really nice and easy-going. I admit, she's genuinely a nice, easy-going person most of time.
But sometimes I wonder why she gets so mad for something so trivial as this. She just excuses herself because "it's just the way she is." She had told me in the past to accept it or leave. I don't know if she's bluffing or not because I haven't tested her words.
I'm upset with her because all I asked for was some respect, something that she refused to give. I acted in a calm manner without any hurtful words or actions.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 December 2011):
 Talk about over reacting!!
Your Gf is a drama queen and thrives on it. She just wants to be the center of attention in everything, she has no regard for your feelings and she needs the smallest reason to vent her frustrations.
The easiest victim is you, of course. Because she knows that you will pacify her and you are the only one who will tolerate this nonsense. She dare not do it with anyone else, because no one is going to take this crap from her.
Dont talk to her as of now. That's what she wants, right? Give it to her. Enough of being nice. If you call her now (which is what she wants!), she will be ready to pick another battle. She just needs a reason to get into an argument with you AND have the last word. Then she wants you to apologize which gives her edge over you and she wants to fight about something new all over again and blame you!
Phew!! Seriously, take a break. You really could do with one! Do not contact her in any way; if she contacts you, tell her calmly that you will not entertain her irrational and childish behavior, because enough is enough. If she wants this relationship to continue, she has to stop picking up fights and threatening to break up with you. And if she wants a break, ask her to get one and stop bothering you.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (4 December 2011):
Hi,
I know you are upset, but this is kind of funny?... I don't understand why you would argue over this?
You mentioned that this is the 5x that something like this has happened? And her sister defended her? I guess this is how she is? Just a sensitive, difficult person. The only problem about people like that is, eventually you will get tired, and this must be exhausting?
I think you both should talk and make up. Really, this is not a reason for break up, or to be upset at each other for so many days? I just want you to let you know that you haven't done anything wrong, and I agree with you how you feel about this situation... I am saying this for your own sanity, I know how you feel, and sometimes you doubt yourself...
Good luck with your girlfriend, and sorry that you are feeling this way..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): calling her and texting her is just going to show her that its ok for her to treat you this way. seriously, she owes a huge apology, and a change and a half, or you need to dump her.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 December 2011):
 What a petty argument. This girl needs to seriously pick and choose her battles!
Is she allergic to rice? Why couldn't she just eat some of the rice bits that dropped into her soup? Has she never heard of Campbell's Chicken and Rice Soup???!!!
Anyways, if she's going to get huffy over ever little mistake you make then you're honestly better off dumping her. Otherwise, you're going to be arguing about every little niggling thing for the rest of your relationship. That will get old really fast.
Let her call you, if she wants to talk about it. If she doesn't want to talk or see you until the end of the year, then give her what she wants! Let her pout and sulk like a bratty little child.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): two perspectives:
1. it's not solely about the rice in the soup or the not calling the minute you got home. these are just the last straw for her, when she's been seriously pissed at you for a long time already about other things. If you have no clue what about, then you should talk to her to ask her WHY she was so angry at these things. my guess is: the rice in the soup thing is representative of other "mistakes' you've made that inconvenienced her or make things difficult for her. Have you let her down a lot? The not calling immediately thing - has this happened many times and with you saying you will and yet you don't?
however, even if this is the case, her relationship skills and communication skills leave much to be desired. Even if she was really fed up with you for other things and the rice thing was the last straw, it's childish and rude of her to just demand "go get me another one."
2. second perspective is that you've done nothing wrong and she is a spoiled, selfish and whiny b!tch. this could very well be, some people really are that way. If so, you should say good riddance and break up with her for good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): She is immature, maybe it's the stress of her exams and she's taking it out on you, but that is no excuse. I would give it a few days and them call and ask how she is, if she seems calmed down, ask her honestly if she still wants to be in a relationship with you. You don't have to take her disrespectful behaviour, and her sister should stay out of an arguement between the 2 of you. This is a very trivial thing to cause such a big argument, and you do not have to put up with her behaving so childish. Good Luck
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (4 December 2011):
 Honestly, she seems like a bitch. You shouldn't have to put up with her. She's the type that wont change, because "That's just how she is", so I say you should cut all ties and find a nicer girl.
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