A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need some advise. I am 23 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He is such an amazing man. I have never been treated so well in a relationship. We do EVERYTHING together. If we are not working or in school we are together. He is my best friend. I just started my first year of graduate school and throughout all the stress and my bad moods he has been there every min, being SUPER supportive. We took a break for 1 month, about 2 months ago. I broke up with him due to his lack of motivation. I have always wanted to meet someone who was self determined and independent. Unfortunately my boyfriend lives at home and still hasn't found a job and has been our of school a semester now. And its not that he just hasn't found one, I honestly believe he just doesn't want to work right now. He says he has his whole life to work. I have found it honestly hard to watch him do nothing when I am working so hard in graduate school.anyways... .while we were apart that month I found myself really excited to meet other people. However, I found it impossible to be away from him I missed him so much. I couldn't stand being alone after being used to spending so much time together. so now we are back together. I know feel myself pulling away from him. I no longer want to have sex. It no longer feels right to say "I love you." I know he can feel me pull away. And during our break he was absolutely miserable. I am his first serious relationship so I know he will be devastated if I end it. I don't know what to do... He is literally the best friend I have ever had in my life. I cant imagine my life without him, however I cant imagine being married to him the rest of my life. I dont know if I should end it? If I did I know I would be so heartbroken and miserable. Any advise?
View related questions:
a break, best friend, broke up, heartbroken, lives at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): alright well its obvious he needs to get motivated. i'd take a break for him give him a list of things he needs to change and when he changes them then get back together you need a man not a child. i know its going to hurt but if he doesnt get motivated and do something everything is going to be up to you. doing the chores making the money everything. leave him til he changes. again this is only advice you don't have to take it but he definitely needs some motivation
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 I agree with Chocoholic.
...............................
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (19 February 2011):
I think you know that you should break up with him unless one or both of you undergoes a major personality change.
When it no longer feels right to say "I love you", that's a pretty telling sign...
a relationship can be worked through some issues, but lack of respect is a very difficult one to get over because it affects the way you fundamentally view your partner. It colors the entire relationship, it's not just one issue it's the foundation of how you relate to him and see him.
it sounds like right now you're just staying in the relationship out of obligation, because of your shared history and shared good times you feel that even though it no longer feels right to say "I love you", still, you owe him a relationship.
there will be people who say yes you do owe him a relationship if he did nothing "wrong" against you. there will be people who say that if he loves you, you "should" love him back. But the heart doesn't work that way. yes you can make yourself stay with someone out of obligation because breaking up will hurt them and you don't want to hurt them because you care about them, but if your heart isn't in it, doesn't staying in a relationship without being able to sincerely give love and affection, hurt them more over the long run?
maybe he's just going through a temporary funk or is just feeling very burned out with life and school at the moment. If so, you could give it some time, maybe take a break from the relationship and see if he changes. Encourage him to join you in being more active. Give him a chance to change. but if he just doesn't change and you just can't change your own preferences to sincerely be OK with this, then really think about whether it's more hurtful to both of you to stay together without feelings of love than to break up.
...............................
|
