A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Basically my ex broke up with me 3 months ago. We were together for 2 years and i'd been madly in love with her for a year before we got together, when we finally did everything was amazing and she was in love with me just as much as i was with her.But when she moved away to uni earlier this year she told me she felt there was nothing left of our relationship and we went on a week break for her to assess what she wanted, during which she kissed a random guy in a club. she broke up with me at the end of the week. We remained friends and still spoke occasionally but over the last month we have become very close again and she has admitted to still having feelings for me, however she also told me that about a month ago she was sort of seeing a guy for a couple of weeks but he told her he wasn't over his ex and needed time by himself which to me sounds like a brush-off. She tells me that she doesn't know what or who it is that she wants and she seems genuinely confused but about a week ago we spent an "intimate" weekend together and she was kissing me and cuddling me and calling me old loving nicknames etc. But whenever we're apart and i've seen/spoken to her she seems really distant and i feel that she is trying to ignore her feelings for me but i don't know why. All i want to do is spend time with her because i know we both enjoy it, but she's flushing hot and cold and i don't know what to do and it's driving me insane! i'd appreciate any guidance anyone could offer?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 It is not a long distance but still keeps her spending evenings out with you.
I hope you have not seen her again while in town.
But I am afraid you have contacted her already.
I can guess this because we made all these mistakes also, until we all fell rock bottom and became miserable.
It is hard, but wise to say good bye to her. ( I am hoping she will leave you alone also)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): Of course you can, and will, find it again. You are young and have lots of time. Be selective. Cultivate friendships with those you have lots in common with and who are going to be around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): Thank you all for your feedback, in response to samutsens question she is roughly 1-2 hours away by train. some sound advice and i think what's best may be if i tell her to her face that i simply cannot go on the way this is and just try and move and sever connection with her however hard that may be. What makes this difficult is that as of today she is back in our hometown until January, so it's going to be extremely hard. But i guess it's something i have to do, if i found love once i guess i'm bound to find it again one day
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): This relationship is over, anon. Move on and forget her. Well, I know you can't forget, but, try to put it behind you. You would be waisting your time and emotional energy by trying to hold on to this. She is not into commitment of any kind now. And she will be there for four more years, (theoretically). And you have a life of your own to live. So, live it.
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 My advice to you is that you seem like her toy that she can play with whenever she wants and you welcome her with open arms. You gave her time to think but where are the real answers? To me it seems like the distance is what is causing her confusion. When she's with you she feels something but when she's not, theres not enough there. Seems like she just wants to have fun so give her whats she asked for or what she deserves. I know you may love her but this behavior she has with you is just going to keep you from moving on and living your own life if you continue to fall for her manipulation. Give yourself some pride and try to move on yourself. Go out, have some fun. Maybe you'll have better luck at finding someone than she has.
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A
female
reader, Jayde07 +, writes (8 December 2007):
i feel sorry for you, just tell her how u feel i have recently come out of a relation ship that lasted for 2 years and he keeps telin me he loves me then he hates me.. so its kinda messed my head up. bu i think you should get a hour or so with her talk it over and ask what she reali wants..as ur confused and its messing your head up. she will appreciate u talkin to her about ur feelings trust me im a girl my self
good luck
all the best
xxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 I think I can relate to your situation.
When someone, man or woman, isn't sure about what s/he is feeling, then you need to think that this person has just as many chances of leaving you as s/he has of dumping you. This is your situation.
That said, when someone isn't really sure about you, most of the time that someone dumps you. I'm sorry to tell you this, but most likely that's where you're headed. She has officially dumped you. Even if you call each other affectionate names and spend time together, she hasn't said she is back with you. And she had these moments with the other guy. For all you know, the reason she isn't with him now is that HE dumped her.
I would recommend that you spoke very directly to her and ask her what you can expect. By the way, I guess that few people will disagree with me if I say that people in a relationship should always be able to speak their minds, and they have a right to receive clear answers.
If she doesn't give you the answer you want to hear, then I recommend that you tell her you will move on. And do.
And then , if she wants you back, don't take her. She has already had two chances. She needs to be straightforward. You're not a toy, and you can't be left waiting for someone to make up her mind. If it were her who were asking me this question, I would say the very same things to her.
You will be living in hell for a very long time. It takes a lot of strength to stay away from someone we love. But, you can't let her treat you any way she wants. The relationship needs to be a good one. Every person owes that to her/him self.
And then, one fine day, you won't wake up thinking of her. And you'll find someone who will be good for you.
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A
male
reader, omon  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Well, it is obvious where she intend going to after dumping you seems not to work out well for her, so she need save the bird at hand -you- ,scout for better opportunities around and definitely drop you again if a certained relationship comes around.
If a lady dumps you, she can still dump you again...take it or leave it.
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A
female
reader, alieP91  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Well it seems that she needs to get her head over the fact that she still has feelings for you and that will never change.
You say you want to just spend some time together, so just do it even if it's just a lunch. Don't let your emotions build up if she's not willing to listen in person write her an e-mail or a letter and slide it under her door. Woman can never say no to those things.
Hope all ends well, but don't let the thought come out of that head of yours that it might not go the way you want it!
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A
male
reader, Samutsen +, writes (8 December 2007):
Well she might be looking for a new life, new guy in her mind
but her heart might be telling her otherwise. If she was madly in love with you, though, it would prevail over her mind.
And it is the distance factor also. How far is her university from where you live? It is not wise to force long distance relationships.
In any case she means what she says, she wants to end this relationship and start a new university life and love. And when frustrated and remembers you, she relapses back to you.
This half-hearted love cannot over come the distance. Leave her alone and you had better find someone new and forget her. For your sanity.
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