A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My exboyfriend contacted me last week (through email) and asked me to get together personally so we can talk. We broke up three years ago. Then I would've been very interested in talking to him, not now. There were things about the past I wish I could make clear to him but it's not worth it. I have healed a lot of things and have concluded a lot of things about him in these past three years. He is the one with issues here. How can I tell him I'm not interested without hurting his feelings? I was going to reply: "Thanks but I'm not interested." But that sounds harsh. Even though a part of me feels he deserves it. Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks for all of your responses. I appreciate each and everyone of them. To uncle Brunel: I'm over him but I'm a different person now. Since he didn't turned out to be the person I thought he was when I fell in love with him now I'm kind of ashamed of all the intimate things he knows about me, so I want to keep the rest of my privacy to myself. Also, you should trust your friends and I don't believe in being friends with somebody I knew so intimately and then changed so much from the night to the day.
Ignoring him hasn't help at all since he has been contacting me once in a while for two years now. As a Christian I did replied once or twice very very shortly and neutral just to remind me he is a son of God too and I should not have anything against no human beign in order to be in peace with God. But today I received a message from him inviting me to "myspace" which by the way was what started to damage the relationship and we didn't argue a lot about that specific webpage but he should remember I don't like. If I liked it I would have one but I don't.
Now I really feel I have to reply to him because I feel he thinks he can manipulate me into whatever he wants like he (only sometimes) did before. I mean, he knows I don't like myspace but feels his invitation maybe would make me change my mind? That is soo not the person I am now. I'm very assertive now and I need him to know it.
A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 if you beat around the bush then hel keep asking that you talk which is going to make the situation harder for you i suggest you just be blunt and say the past is the past and your not interested in meeting up and talking you have moved on and you want to keep past experiences where they ended if he keeps messaging you via email reply saying sorry no and if he keeps going ignore his messages you have to think you was polite the first couple of times saying no so if you ignore him hel soon get the hint
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 March 2010):
Just don't respond. That's the best thing to do. It leaves him with nothing to work on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Hi. If i were you, I would delete the message, dont respond just forget about it. It sounds as if he hurt you. And you`ve done a lot to move on and get over it. So why put yourself through the wringer yet again, by responding to his idle email?
Hes just fishing. As you said...had he contacted you earlier you would have been interested in talking. But he didnt, did he. Because he obviously wasnt interested in talking to you.
So why is he interested now? I expect hes hit a "dry spell" at the moment and thought he would chance his luck. Had he been any good for you, you wouldnt have needed to heal. And as you have concluded he was the one with issues, dont indulge him after all this time!
Be strong and hit delete. Keep moving forward x
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (18 March 2010):
Does he know where you live? Do you still have mutaul friends that can provide this infomation.
It is to be a juvenile appraoch merely to ignore him. If you are healed then go and meet him and prove to yourself you have moved on.
At this moment I only have your word of that and I am not convinced. If you are over it it cor he cannot harm you!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): I agree with Laura, after all this time I think you should not respond at all. That way you do not have to worry about saying anything harsh, and you are not re opening old wounds.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 March 2010):
If he kind of deserves it, I say go for it. Be blunt, especially if he acted like a total ass in the past. I don't think it's completely hurtful, it's simple and straight to the point and he can't really get anywhere with it. If he tries to convince you again, just ignore him.
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A
female
reader, ChicaLatina +, writes (18 March 2010):
 well, you should always be honest no matter what. and if you go with the flow, he is going to think that you are still interested on him, so try not to make him feel that way and be as honest as you can with him.....
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (18 March 2010):
 If he's someone you have no interest in talking to, what difference does it make if your bluntness hurts his feelings? Say what you have to say and don't worry about being nice; the more direct you are, the less likely he will be to continue reaching out to you.
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A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Your reply to him doesn't sound harsh. If you want him to get the idea, you have to be straightforward with it. "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested." Then include something like, "Hope you're doing well."
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 The best way is to just ignore his mail and he would get the message that you are not interested .
Why reopen the can of worms by writing him back and answering his mail? Even if the mail is just to inform him that your answer is a flat 'NO!.'
It could start another email episode if he does not accept your answer. Don't give him that chance or open the door a bit for him to crawl back into your life.
Use your email filter to block out anymore mails from him.
If you think that is too extreme, you can just reply to him that you have moved on and wish him all the best.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (18 March 2010):
I dont think that would be harsh at all... Yes its blunt and straight to the point, but why sugar coat it. If your not interested then reply with what you were going to say, or dont even reply at all! Im sure he will get the point.
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