A
female
age
36-40,
*pringluv2
writes:my boyfriend is 53 and I 21 have been together for 2 years and we have a son together he is a very mean person, he never shows me any affection and and when i try to confont him about it he says wait and see. which is funny because its been this long. their are a lot of other factors that make our relationship sour. on the other hand i have met this guy who is very sweet we get a long and tell each other how much we like each other, he tells me im beautiful every day, he is also close to my age he is 29. I am not sure what to do because i really like this guy but my bf and i have a son, should i stay for the sake of my son and miss out on an opportunity to be married and happy?
View related questions:
older man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): My husband and I have been married 15 yrs. with 2 children. I can say staying in a marriage just for the kids is NOT the way to go. We got married after our oldest son was born and the first 10 yrs. our marriage was HELL. We became closer after our 2nd son was born and went to counseling for a year, this made all the difference and is the only reason we are still together. With that said, my oldest son went through his developmental years in a home with 2 very unhappy people and it still affects him today. Our youngest has never known that and his outlook on life is 100% different. If I had it to do over again I would have left when my oldest was a baby or gone to counseling much sooner. If you feel like there is love there give counseling a try, it really can do amazing things. If you don't feel this way LEAVE! You are about the same age as I was and I REGRET to this day that I spent my 20's in pure misery. Like others have said, your new 'friend' should not be the deciding factor, as he may not be here 6 months from now. You need to take a long hard look at what you want out of life and see if your current situation will ever get you there. If your answer is 'no' then get out before it wrecks you and your baby. Like I said, my teenage son has some pretty deep seeded anger issues and even though his heart is amazingly kind, he has a stone cold exterior from living in a house of pain for so many years. It hurts me everyday to know I did this because I couldn't find the courage to leave a very unhappy situation. My story worked out, but most do not, so please for your sake and your child's, figure out where you want this relationship to go and either head in that direction or leave, otherwise you'll be facing extremely tough times for the rest of your life. You're young, change things while you can!
A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 just because you have a child with someone doesnt mean it will last in a relationship if you are not happy in the relationship then you should get out of it for the sake of your son.its not good for your son to see you unhappy itl affect his unbringing also it will teach him to treat women how his father has treated you,children arent stupid they do catch on to things isnt it better that he sees his mother happy and can have a balanced relationship with both parents who are separated?your boyfriend isnt treating you the way you want to be treated you have even spoke to him about it and nothing has changed so it probably never will if you are ready to move on just make sure you have a stable place to take your son too and start building up your life again but i wouldnt introduce this new guy to your son straight away as it will cause a lot of problems with your current bf and will affect your child maybe not straight away but in the long run
...............................
A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (18 March 2010):
Hang on for another 10 years and he will be an ols man. What you need to establish is why on earth you ever got into a relationship with a man the same age as your father or older.
Until you recognise what is going on here you may not be able to have a wonderful relationship with a new man as some of my friends suggest?
Futhermore tell him to go! Why should you do anythinga nd upset the childs life?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): I don't think the younger guy should be a factor in your decision. Judge your relationship it's own merits. I will don't stay with someone if you are unhappy, for the sake of a child, you are not doing the child any favours.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Hi. You say you arent married just living with the father of your son. And many things have "gone sour" between you and your partner. Is there any chance these things could be repaired? Would you want to repair them?
If not, then leave him. Not because you think you might have found someone better but because he is not making you happy. Its often very nice to have the attention of a 3rd party when your partner isnt showing any. But that doesnt mean you would be any happier with him. So leave because you arent happy with your partner. Not because you think you might be happier with the new guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (18 March 2010):
 I just read the last part of your question, and you answered it already.
Happiness will pass on to the next generation.
OR
Sadness and anger will
Happiness with the 29 year old
Sadness with the 53 year old
You know which choice is the right one, and I hope you make it :)
Let us know
...............................
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (18 March 2010):
LEAVE-
a mean person to you is a cruel person to your son.
A mother and he child is the one thing in this world, if anything, that you should not mess around with.
He may be the father, but he is not acting like one.
A father has a duty to cherish both his partner and his children, just like a mother has a duty to cherish both her partner and her children.
If a parent does not both of those two MANDATORY things, then they are not good for the child.
I promise you that you would be making a huge mistake if you stay with this guy.
Sincerely,
Me
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): this is a boyfriend and not a husband right? If so and it is as you say..you should leave. This is not a healthy relationship. Mal
...............................
A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Be with the one who will show you love. Staying in a bad relationship for the sake of children is not a good idea. You want your children to grow up knowing love, not hate. You marry the man because he loves you, not because you share a child.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Never stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of your children.
You are not doing your son any good but you are harming him instead. He will grow up with a warped mind and learn all the bad habits from your constant warring with your partner in your marriage.
You should provide your son a good environment to grow up in a happy family .
If you stay , you will make two unhappy individuals. That is a strong enough reason to moved out and lead a more happy life.
...............................
A
male
reader, HarryFlashman +, writes (18 March 2010):
Lesson from poker: never throw good money after bad.
Translation: if the relationship isn't working, staying for your son doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Go with the young one. Your son will suffer seeing you suffer anyways so it's better to do it now. I think your partner will eventually mistreat his son too, so it's better to keep the little boy from such a bad influence. Your little boy will grow up feeling rejected and with a bad example of what a man is supposed to be if you stay with his father. Run for your life and for your son's well being.
...............................
|
