A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm having a problem with one of my daughter's friends and I'm unsure of what to do about it... so any advice is much appreciated. I work at my kid's school as I.T. support staff and one of my 13-year-old daughter's friends keeps showing up at my office after help. Now that's what I'm there for so I've been helping her when she asks but it's getting ridiculous. To the point where she's bugging me at least once a day wanting computer help. She also hangs around me when my daughter invites her over. My daughter will say to her "come hang out upstairs," and she'll go but she'll be back 15 minutes later saying she's 'fetching a drink' but stops to talk to me on the way. She's started emailing me to ask for help with her home computer. The other I.T. guys I work with have noticed this and they've been great. I've started being 'busy' a lot and they always help her. But whenever it's one of the others and not me helping she's always gone in a fraction of the time. My girlfriend thinks I should have a word with the girl's parents but I don't really want to embarrass her and ruin my daughter's friendship with her. The guys I work with have suggested I take it to senior leadership but again I think having her Head of Year discuss it with her would be pretty humiliating for her and not very nice of me. Basically... how should I go about asking her to quit bugging me without upsetting her too much or ruining my daughter's friendship? Really I'm scared of saying anything to her in case she retaliates by making some sort of accusation against me... it's very early days with my girlfriend so I'm pretty much a single Dad so it would be a lot more than my job at stake if she did make an accusation.
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female
reader, Aeval  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Keep proof of EVERYTHING!!! From what I have seen, today young girls are far more cunning than we give them credit for, I know that sounds awful but its true. When she pops into your office make sure someone else is always with you, If she sends emails then keep them on record. Have a qquiet word with the head of the year, make it known about the crush but also talk to them and explain your situation.
They are trained to be able to deal with this type of thing. She may even just be looking for a dad figure??? (long shot I know)
I would also suggest talking to your GF. Not make a big deal about it bug have a giggle and mention that a little girl has a cursh. better to have more people know exactly what is going on than none.
Let us know how you go!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Well, if I were you, I'd just relax and enjoy the attention. And be nice to your daughter's friend. You never know....you and your girlfriend might break up one day and lo and behold, by that time, your daughter's friend might be 21 years old and a really hot and sexy lass! If your're nice to her now, she'll remember it when she's a young woman later.
I definitely would not report her, but rather enjoy the attention and give her the help she asks for. It might be annoying now, but one day, you may be really glad you were there for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): That's what I thought, and why my advice was to be blunt. She's not stupid, she knows what she's doing is wrong. My thoughts are with you and the harrasment that your suffering. Probably best to do as everyone's said and simply tell her to get lost.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Thanks for the replies
My main reason for thinking about saying something is because school is closed next week and my daughter's going on holiday so I definitely won't see this girl at all next week.
I know teenage crushes are normal but I've got three teenagers and I know they would never hang around a member of staff's office and hound them by email because they know it's just not a done thing.
Maybe I am overreacting slightly but I've seen teachers falsely accused of things before. The main worry for me is that I'm a single Dad with two teenage daughters and how it looks on me with a teenage girl acting like this. I really don't want anybody to think I'm leading her on in any way.
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A
female
reader, bday121  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 I think you should ignore her as much as possible. It may be a bit rude but atleast she'll get the picture. Whenever the girl asks for your help, quickly help her then walk away. If it's something you've helped her with before, call her out on it. Say politely, "Don't you remember that from last time?" or "Haven't I showed you how to do that before?" If she persists, then help her with it and politely say, "Now this time I expect you to remember." Be polite but firm. Also, if she's just striking up random conversations with you, make your replys very short and curt but not overly rude. Busy yourself with something else. If you're at work, then start going through paperwork, go to the restroom, or make an "important" phone call. Act distracted. If you're home and she's following you around, just go in another room. Lock your bedroom door and hang out in there for a while. Go to the grocery store. That's kind of extreem but this girl really needs to get the hint that you're not interested. Just generally ignore her without being too rude.
If she's still not getting the hint, or if she gets more persistent, then it's time to tell someone, preferrably someone where you work (a school counselor, maybe? or perhaps your supervisor?). You need to protect yourself in this situation. This girl could get angry and falsely report you just to be nasty. Sure, she might be embarrassed if you tell someone, but atleast she'll stop bothering you and you can feel safe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Then you could take the kinder route that the WizardofWaz has outlined.
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A
female
reader, Jules22 +, writes (22 May 2008):
 I can see your problem.
If i was you i would talk to her iwhen another adult is in the room with you. Preferably a woman but it doesnt really matter. But you do need to be carful. She might just get really embarresed and back off or she could accuse you of other stuff. Maby you should inform the head about what is happening but tell him/her that you are going to talk to the girl with another adult in the room. i strongly advise you do not talk to the girl with the head in the room as this would be very daunting for the girl and she might get really scared that she is going to be in loads of trouble. i am a fourteen aged girl so i think that would be the best way.
good luck and please keep me posted on how thing happen. would love to know if i helped you out.
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A
female
reader, RunsWithScissors +, writes (22 May 2008):
Teenage crushes...this is so normal and yet these days everyone makes a big deal out of them. It's really sad that everyone is now afraid of a girl having a crush, then once spurned she'll make false accusations...but let's face it, no one has any statistics about how often that happens, it seems like it's a Hollywood stereotype more than anything.
Here's my suggestion, tell leadership but suggest that you try talking to her first. There's no need to embarrass the girl over a normal teenage crush. No one has to be actively listening in on the conversation, just do it in a room where there are other people present but not nearby. Explain to her that crushes are normal but that she has to understand it can't be anything more than that, also it's not fair to your daughter to come to the house and spend time with you rather than her. Try to be a father figure to her but don't be afraid of her. If you talk to leadership and they know what's going on, you have a talk with her to help her understand, and you make sure you're not alone with her, things will be fine. I see nothing wrong with mentoring her or being a father figure to her, you just have to outline the boundaries to her and make sure she doesn't cross them. Make sure she understands that if she does cross them you'll have to remove yourself from the situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): I've been thinking this over and changed my mind about certain things. I forgot all about your daughter in the midst of all of this and her feelings are important too.
She probably knows nothing about this, and if she dose she will be warning her friend to stay away. It would be good to talk to your daughter as well and tell her what a nusiance her friend is being. She will need this information to understand why her friend stays away or if the girl needs support after you tell her to leave you alone. Anyway good luck to you....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): You need to report it to cover your back, maybe have a word with your daughter? or go to the head, you need to protect yourself. What if she makes a move on you? you say no but then she goes to the police or her parents saying you slept with her?? be careful
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): I've seen many letters about "I love my teacher and I want to be with him" but yours is the first I've seen from the otherside. I can see your difficulty, but don't think it will hurt her friendship with you daughter or cause you to lose your job.
I'm not sure what advice to give you for the best. I can only tell you what I would do. I would talk to her in the presence of another adult and tell her she is embarrassing me and worring me with her behaviour. I would tell her that people will get funny ideas and it is could spoil your relationship with your daughter and girlfriend., and loose you your job. I suggest another adult because you are a man and could be in danger of inappropriate behaviour or untrue accusations.
I'm not a nice person when it comes to this type of thing, so I'd probably break her silly little heart so she stays away and and never attempts this type of behaviour again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): I've seen many letters about "I love my teacher and I want to be with him" but yours is the first I've seen from the otherside. I can see your difficulty, but don't think it will hurt her friendship with you daughter or cause you to lose your job.
I'm not sure what advice to give you for the best. I can only tell you what I would do. I would talk to her in the presence of another adult and tell her she is embarrassing me and worring me with her behaviour. I would tell her that people will get funny ideas and it is could spoil your relationship with your daughter and girlfriend., and loose you your job. I suggest another adult because you are a man and could be in danger of inappropriate behaviour or untrue accusations.
I'm not a nice person when it comes to this type of thing, so I'd probably break her silly little heart so she stays away and and never attempts this type of behaviour again.
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A
female
reader, Jeanine1234 +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Its very common for young girls to get a crush on an older man. But dont panic !
My advice to you would be to not show her any attenchion as that would encourage her.Now im not saying you have to be rude to her! Just not bother with her as much.
Good luck xx
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