A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello,i have a question to ask, iam a 28 year old woman still living at home with my parents we dont live in our country. Unfortunately my dad is not really good to live with, he is a liar when you get into an arguement with him he twists your words and then beats you up or throws someting on you, he nearly killed my brother once with a hot iron . so i stopped talking to him. he doesnt let me have friends, but at the same time he makes fun of me when talking to my mom he says that no one wants to be my friend, he used to say i was dum and that i could not pass high school but when i passed he just looked at me. I had to fight for 2 years to work then he forced me to work with in his friends company i suffered there alot it was bankerupt but he kept on forcing me and saying that his friend is right iam wrong, until his friend kicked me out without even telling him.My dad did not even appologise to me.My step sister wanted to get married and she wrote to him 2 times but he did not answer,until my mom asked him why he said i dont know the man then she told him how can you know everybody then he just wrote back saying do what you want he did not even care to ask about her fiance.Now i want to get married he told me i dont have time for this .that is strange because he is 61 years old i dont get what he means.And i really dont want to live with him any more so what do you think i should do
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 I do not know what the culture of Malta is. Western nations would have shelters where people who are abused can turn to to get their life in order.
Because you need to get out of there, you father is a very aggresive abuser and a control freak of the worsed kind. You will be miserable as long as you stay under his influence.
Now the hard part for advicing you is in not knowing how "easy" it would be for you to be on your own without contact/support from your family. If you were in a western european nation or nothern US I would advice you to seek aid for domestic abuse.
Try your best to get out of his control, it is the only way because people like him don't change, he is right, the ruler of his family and anyone who disagrees is not just wrong but 'stupid'.
There really is no way to end this "nicely" with him seeing the error of his ways. Get out and cut him out of your life so you can start working on your own happiness.
A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (10 April 2008):
live with your future husband, at his place or in a place you both own/rent
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Run as fast as you can Honey. Get all the help and support you can to get away from this monster. Your self-esteem is already at rock bottom, and that makes it tougher, but you had the guts to write on here, so follow it through. You can do it, honest. It will be scarey, but it will also be the best thing you did. Your new life starts this year .......... go to it !!!! Good luck. Love and blesssings.
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A
female
reader, namnixon +, writes (10 April 2008):
get out i know wot it is like i was abused by my father from a young age and am now 20 but i havent speak to him in 9 years even though he only lives down the road. it is ur life not his and no onw has the right to treat a person like that any age
god bless and good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Carry on with your life, and let the sucker be. You answered your own question, you don't want to live with him. Get the means to your end.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 You need to work to be independent from this man, who is a terrible abuser. He has kept you weak and dependent so that he can keep you around to abuse you. Yes, he's your father. But he hasn't been in the role of protective/nurturing father, so you don't owe him the role of dutiful daughter. Not anymore.
Can you work to get back to your own country? Do you have support there? Maybe you can write to your step-sister and ask whether you could visit for a while, until you can get a job and get on your feet?
Maybe you can visit the university nearby and see whether there is a posting for "roommates wanted" -- you might find a cheap place to live so that you can get out on your own.
Whatever you do, don't continue to stay with this man. He has ruined your self-esteem and is taking away your chance to live any kind of worthwhile life. Take whatever steps you can to escape.
Good luck hon.
P.S. Don't ask his permission for any of this. You're old enough to make your own choices; asking him gives him the power to say "no." Just do what you have to do to leave him.
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A
male
reader, she makes me feel +, writes (10 April 2008):
 my mom never moved out until she was 40 years old, you don't want to wait that long. she never took any chances, and i grew up with what seemed like a big sister, because i lived with her parents who still to this day are now pretty much my parents, and she's kind of outed and lives many states away. also, my wife moved out of her home which had a father that sounds more like yours. the sooner you get out of there the better, because it took awhile for me to help her realize her real worth after de-convincing her of what her father once thought of her. also, by moving away you might realize your relationship with your father, over time (I'm talking maybe even up to two years from now) will be much closer to awesome. Some people just can't love one another enough if they live with each other. I moved back to my grandparents for two months back in the beginning of '07 and things were different because we lived together. now things are close again. if you are 28 and he is 61 then it's time to leave before your relationship with him is ruined, and your life is warped like my mother's. best of luck, hope my input helps!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Are you able to get married without his blessing? Is sounds like you're in quite a situation. I want you to understand this. No matter what your dad has said or done, you are the person you decide to become, not the negative person he claims.
I would definately recommend you find a way out of his house, even if just living with a friend. This is not a good place for anyone to have to live in. If you can't, and if your country's laws have an abuse law. I'd turn him over to the authorities, at least you can be safe then while making other arrangements.
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