A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a former navy recruiter, and he told me of a new opportunity that would let me enlist in the military, but it is only valid for the next two months. I was very happy about it since i have been wanting to do this for a while, but my boyfriend on the other hand was not. He had known that i wanted to join the military from the get go of our relationship( weve now been together for a 1yr and 1/2), but now that i have this opportunity he says that i have to choose whether i want to wait a year until hes ready or lose him. He thinks im being selfish by wanting to cater to my needs and aspirations and not waiting for him. I dont feel like im being selfish, because if i felt like i could do this in a year i would. Do you think he is the one being selfish or am I(brutal honesty is wanted and need please)
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 February 2012):
 If he wants you to wait for a year so he can join too, don't expect the relationship to last. Honestly, the statistics of a dual-military relationship lasting is low. Since you two aren't married you can easily get posted different corners of the world.
Secondly, ultimatums in a relationship never sits well with me. He's known for 18 months that THIS was your dream, but now he tells you (not ask) to put it on hold or else.
Follow your dreams.
A
female
reader, Domolovescookies +, writes (14 February 2012):
 well ... everyone else kinda covered all the basics, ill just add a bit:
Did you ask him why he wants you to wait a year? ... i mean what difference does it make to him?
but yeah... maybe hes being needy = seems selfish, sit down with him and explain that you love him... but you have to do this. and that (if this is true) you dont plan on breaking up... just being apart for a time.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (14 February 2012):
He is being selfish, but you should understand why? He loves you and you are a big part of his world. You go off and make new friends and he is left eating alone....... One off you will find a new love, So you decide. We all have life ambitions but change them when meet the love of our life. If you really like you bf then talk with him and find a solution that works, if deferring entrance for a year is an option then discuss and work something out. Or else just say sorry but this opportunity is more important to you than he is. Maybe he will think you are being selfish?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2012):
 He is being selfish. You want to do this.. and the time is good.. I say you should do it. If you two are meant to be together your relationship will weather the separation…
What’s his rationale for being so selfish and asking you to wait a year? What difference will a year make?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (14 February 2012):
Wait for a year? What difference would that make other than you losing that opportunity? I've been wanting to get into the military myself and I'm going to have to wait at least another half year before I get my shot. You are getting yours right now, so I'd say: go get it!
This is what you've been wanting for quite a while, even before you two got together. Your bf knew this was coming up! I think that what he means by being "ready" he actually hopes that by then you'll have different career aspirations. It's incredibly selfish of him and the reason he calls you that is to cover up his own ego.
Boyfriends come and go. If you don't do this now you will resent him for it and the relationship won't survive anyway.
So ask him why he needs a year to get ready when he's already had a year and a half to get used to it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 February 2012):
 Until your boyfriend is ready for what? What is happening in a year that he wants you to wait for?
I am only asking that because I am curious at his reasoning, in the meantime follow YOUR dream, you have been offered an opportunity that isnt going to wait for you, take it now, and deal with the selfish boyfriend later.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 February 2012):
 He is the one being selfish not you. He wants you to put your entire life on hold until he is 'ready' - ready for what exactly? It is you that wants the job not him, I really dont get what he needs to be 'ready' for?
If you are with a man that doesnt care about your future, your happiness and simply wants his own way or that is the end of it - you are better off without him. If he really loved you he would want you to be happy doing a job you've always wanted, he would never stand in the way of your dreams. Yet here he is, wanting you to miss a great opportunity because of his own immaturity.
In my opinion losing him wouldnt be a big deal, he should be supportive and encouraging when it comes to your career and dreams - so you should walk away if he doesnt want to support you in this choice. A career is way more important than a man when you are at such a young age, dont give up on an opportunity like this for someone you might not even be with in a year or so.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): There are heaps of fish in the sea but you might not get this kind of career opportunity again. Perhaps when you get out of the military if you're both single you can give it another go, but if not, it's no great loss. This is one of those instances where you need to put yourself first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): Definitely go for it! Take the opportunity,you might not ever get it again! You have to think about that. If he is not going to back you up in persuade of your dreams that just means he's selfish and not right for you. He knows that it is something you have wanted all your life and now he is asking you to throw it away. Think about yourself and what YOU want and make the decision!
Much luck,
Cheers.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 February 2012):
 He's being selfish, if you've been waiting for this for a while like you said, grab the opportunity and if he's too stubborn to realise that you'll be enlisting in your dream job and he's not there to support you, then to be frank, he's a bit of an a-hole.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (14 February 2012):
 my advice. Leave him. Go and do what you want to do. If he really loves you he will be around wether your in the military or not. Its something you have always wanted to do dont give that up for a relationship that might not last.
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A
female
reader, Honey Sweet +, writes (14 February 2012):
 HOW AWFULL !
HES BEING SELFISH!
He should let you follow youre dreams just once if he loves you, and thatd make him feel good if hes done that if hes worthy xxxxx
Im sorry hunni x but ive been so pushed about by guys like that x from today to be honest, i say no way1 xxx
Really warn him and YOU make it final! xxx
Its youre dream and you deserve to make one come true x
Dont let him push you around x tell him things need to change thios once, OR YOU walk away xxx
Youre stronger than you think you are and the longer you wat, the more painful the consequences wil be xxxx
I really hope this helps xxooxx
Good luck, blessings xx
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