A
female
age
30-35,
*anyaxx
writes:Hey guysso ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. we both love each other very much and weve had a happy time together, but recently an issue has got in our way.He's only admitted it once before and sometimes cant help but hint at it, but he wants the experience of knowing what its like to have sex with other women :\I was his first time and he's a very sexual person, he likes to look at pictures at woman alot and flirts with others. i dont mind this too much but now he's had sex with me many times, he wants to try out other girls..i know he still loves me and because of this he hasnt cheated on me to get at other women, and we still have alot of happiness in our relationship. Its just..i want to spend many more years with him..but i dont how how to deal with this :( its our only problem. i feel he's torn between sexual desire and loving me. hes also said he'd like a threesome but i disagreed as i just couldnt bear watching him cheat in front of me.id really appreciate some advice guys! thanks soo much :)xx
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cheated on me, flirt, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): With mostly female responses, I suppose I am the hated guy in this situation. I love my girlfriend of 5 years with all of my heart as she was the first woman I had sex with. We were together at 18 and I was sure that she was the one. Now years later I still feel the same but also feel that Ive not experience enough with women in general. I can see my current gf and I together when we get old. Now I am young and will only have this one time in my life to chase my natural urges. This doesnt mean I dont love her by any means. Sex is not love. Love doesnt need sex.
A
female
reader, staciechill  +, writes (8 August 2010):
I am going through the same thing right now with my man. He is a huge flirt, and a very attractive ladies man. he has a magnetic personality that draws women in. I have expressed my discomfort in his constant flirting with women. Your guy sounds like he is trying to be honest with you and respectful. Lets just say my man has not always been a s considerate as yours.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Andrew +, writes (4 April 2010):
 Your boyfriend sounds immature. Is he the same age as you or only a little older? If he really wants to 'have sex' with other women then he should consult Dear Cupid himself. You need to find a way of getting him to do this - maybe through a man friend who knows him. If you know one of his male friends - have a private word with them and tell them how upset you are - see if you can persuade one of them to get him to seek advice. If your boyfriend really cares about his relationship with you then he will do this for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): "Something you wrote really caught my attention. you said he looks at other girls, also flirts with them and it doesn't bother you. What??? Are you serious, it doesn't bother you? Then why would him having sex with other women bother you?"
My wife used to be a flirt and that never bothered me. Her having sex with guys she just met is what bothered me, even though that happened before we met and the flirting was both before and after we started dating. There is a very big difference in my mind between flirting and jumping into bed with guys (or with women for men). Flirting, without the intention or desire for sex with that person, is a means to feel attractive and desirable. Neither of us have any problem with the other doing that. It seems like tanyaxx feels the same as we do, while others might not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I was going through the same thing...the exact same story as yours. I was not comfortable with the thought of sharing him and could not bear seeing him with other women in any way! He kept bothering me about it, but I will never do anything that will make me sad, and uncomfortable even if it's to satisfy the one I love. Because truth is, you both need to be happy. If him wanting to have sex with other women then just let him go. Break up with him and then he can do what he wants. That's not being unfair, I'm sure! You seem nice and caring and guys are sexual beings, so let him be satisfied by other women. And if he comes back to you then you can decide weather to accept him back in your life, or just let him go. Something you wrote really caught my attention. you said he looks at other girls, also flirts with them and it doesn't bother you. What??? Are you serious, it doesn't bother you? Then why would him having sex with other women bother you? Obviously if he's flirting and looking, it's only going to lead to the next step, which is either cheating on you or just having one night stands. I would get very very bothered and beyond angry when my boyfriend stared at other girls, and if he chose to be with me then he should have respected me. And he should have kept his promises and goals that involved us. This is my opinion... but then again, only you can act on the situation.
Good luck and GOD BLESS!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): You don't say how many sexual partners you have had, but that could make a difference to how he feels. My wife and I went through something like this when we first started dating in our mid 30s. We had both been married to our only sexual partners at the time and then divorced. She dated and had sex with about 10 guys after her divorce and before she and I started to date. She was my first after my first wife. She actually encouraged me to date other women, even though she had no desire to date anyone else. I dated 4 women before I stopped and she thinks it was the best decision that she ever made about our relationship. She actually wanted me to continue dating, but I just wanted to be with her after those 4.
We both think that if she hadn't wanted that and I hadn't done it that our relationship would have been much less successful. She was my primary gf during that time and she actually wished after the fact that she had been the number 2 person during that time so that I could have gotten to know the other women better and had longer relationships.
I think that for your relationship to be successful that he has to be allowed to do what he desires. It is up to you if you would rather you 2 take a break or continue to date during that time. My wife preferred to continue to date, as she didn't want to date other men any more.
I don't think you should consent to a 3some if you don't want to do that. Let him find 2 other women to try that with. My wife felt the same as you. She didn't care that she knew that I was sleeping with other women. She just didn't want to see it or know the details. It was many years before we talked about the details about our time with other partners.
The anon female is correct about guys being able to separate sex and love. When I was dating other women, the sex was not much different with my fg than it was with the other women. It was how I held her after sex, how we cuddled and how we looked at each other that was much different. Only one of those other women came close to making me feel like I did with my gf and I still remember her well. However, I have never wanted her instead of my wife.
My wife doesn't think that she was ever second best. She thinks that she was number 1 and the rest were second best. That is how I also feel about that time in my life. They were nice women and I cared for them, but not to the extent that I did for my wife when we were dating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): What many people don't understand is the fact that for some people, especially guys, sex and love can be two independent things. I think you are right in your gut feeling that he loves you. Just becoz he wants sex with another girl it doesn't mean he loves her. He will give his life for you but not for any of those girls with whom he wanna sleep with. People always say "if he/she loves you truly, he/she wont do this." I am gonna say the opposite "If you love him truly, you can let him do it." It all depends upon how much you love each other and how much you trust each other's love. If you can't do this, you better move on from this guy. If he has this desire, there is really no guarantee that he wont have sex with another woman in the future. It will be a temptation being with him all the time and it will be only a matter of time before he falls for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): My sister was with her boyfriend for over 6 years and the same thing-she was his first. He was curious about other girls and they ended up breaking up. They are still best friends and they want to get back together, but if they don't, then that is a risk they are willing to take. It's better then getting married and him cheating on you sometime in the future-especially if there are kids involved! Let him go, he may realize that the grass is not greener on the other side and comeback. And if he doesn't come back then he wasn't worth spending the rest of your life with him anyways.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 November 2009):
 You are both still very young. He's now at the stage where he'd like to "try it out" with other women and his curiousity is getting the better of him (not to mention what his mates are putting into his head.) You need to discuss this with him seriously.Caring guy is absolutely right. If he truly loved you then you would be enough for him and no other girl would matter, you would be all he'd ever want or need. He's got to get this out of his system so I think a break for a couple of months is what's needed here. Let him go and sow his wild oats if that's what he wants to do, and tell him you might just do the same (even if you have no intentions of doing so.) Make that break and DON'T get back together with him unless he's absolutely sure he's gotten this out of his system.The seed has been planted and is strong, as it stands just now it's only a matter of time till he strays. Give him his space for a while for as time goes on he'll end up resenting you.~Eve~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Hi. I agee 100% with the other responders. If he wants to have sex with other women then go on a break and see how you both feel afterwards. ive a feeling it wont end well.
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A
female
reader, Dr Bex +, writes (17 November 2009):
Hmm this is a very difficult situation for you. Unfotunately boys are very immature and once they get a taste for something they tend to want more and more and like to try different flavours. They do most of the time think with their bits rather than their brain. Im sure he does love you but maybe you need time apart so he can go and experience what he wants. Problem you have is if you let him go astray whilst you're with him you'll never trust him ever. My best advice is tell him that if he wants to go and fool around and sleep with other peole then do it but you will not tolerate it and stay with him. Don't be pressured into a threesome sweetheart if its not what you want. A relationship is between two people not three people. If he loves you as much as he says he does then by warning him you won't stay with him might be enough to make him realise you are everything he needs. Looking at pictures and harmess flirting is what most men do but don't let him pressurise you into anything you dont feel comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, lou35 +, writes (17 November 2009):
 some people go 4 this as couples an some dont..if u kno u cant handle the idea of ur bf having sex with another women then u need 2sit him down and explain that he is pushing it 2far an explain 2him that u feel like it will put a strain on ur relationship or even seperate u both,he shud take ur feelings in consideration if he understands this wer ur comin frm.if he still wants go ahead an do it....well im sorry but if that happend 2me then i wud tell him NO is NO accept it or move on..hope u get this sorted out.
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A
female
reader, Kat1235 +, writes (17 November 2009):
Your boyfriend is curious, it is understandable, but something he should of kept to himself. If he really loves you, you'll be enough for him and he wouldn't want anyone else. If you don't want to threesome, then doon't do it. You need to be comfortable. Talk to your boyfriend about it, explain how you feel. If he loves you, he'll realise your enough for him. If not, you've had a lucky escape.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 November 2009):
I'll tell you straight that he doesn't love you as much as you'd like to think. If he really loved you that much, then you would be all he needed. He wouldnt need sex with anyone else because he'd only want it with you. A man in love wouldn't suggest what he is suggesting. He's looking to use you for sex, then some others, knowing he can then come back to you for more. Don't ever allow yourself to be second best. If he wants sex with other women, let him go and find a man who will commit to you and you only. Don't be second best.
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