A
female
age
30-35,
*llie:)
writes:my boyfriend wants more then just kissing..he gave me a hickey i didnt want it.... he is making me feel uncomfortable by touching me!!! and i told him to stop and he yells and says its like we are just friends nothing more... and he has slaped me few times.. but then he is all sweet and he is really hot and i really love him.. but i dont like him touching me infront of all his friends i dont like public desplay of affection what should i do??? ps he wants sex now and i am only 16 he is 18 i dont know if i am ready i am still a virgin and thats somthing i am proud of.... what should i do?? help me plz
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kissing, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
I would seriously end this very quickly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): If he is showing up and it's making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, tell the adult leading the drills that you don't feel comfortable with him approaching you and that you don't feel safe and ask them to keep an eye out for him doing those things and come over and step in. The adults are presumably there to help you, even with things like this.
As for him, you need to tell him that you're not together anymore - that he can't just come up and kiss you whenever he pleases, this is the same type of thing that made you want to leave him in the first place, and remind him that you're NOT together anymore. As the other poster said, he didn't mind hurting you, and if you allow him to do this type of thing you will just get more hurt.
If he continues to disregard your explict wishes (which you should communicate clearly that you don't want anything of that sort with him anymore), then tell him that if he does not stop that you will have to take more action against him. If he goes to your school you could talk to a counselor or teacher at school who could see what can be done about it, and if he continues this is sexual abuse and legal action can be taken against him. Even if so far it's just kissing there's the possibility it could get worse, not to mention that it's still not ok for guys to kiss girls who don't want them to kiss them and then just walk away. It's still a violation.
If you do want to be back with him (which I strongly advise against) then you need to decide how you want things to work and if what he's doing is okay. However, keep in mind that this is a guy who pressured you to do more than you wanted, used you to show off to his friends when he knew you don't like that in public, and who has physically abused you. There's not a lot in this guy's favor right now, and he's not likely to change anytime soon. I hope things work out for the best for you, which in my opinion, is cutting this guy out of your life and moving on (as hard as that seems sometimes).
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 He didn't mind hurting you. You need to grow a back-bone and tell him it's over... unless you don't want it to be.
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A
female
reader, ellie:) +, writes (8 October 2009):
ellie:) is verified as being by the original poster of the question now my ex is coming to my drill practices and i feel sooooooooo uncomfortable... our drill uniforms are really short..... and today after practice he comes up to me and is like you looked good out there. i said thanks and turned around to go he grab my hand and i turned around he kissed me on da lips.... he let go of my hand.... i dont know what to do... i need some serious advice!!!! please please pretty please help me i dont want to hurt him but i dont want him to hurt me physically and emotionally :(
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A
female
reader, ellie:) +, writes (6 October 2009):
ellie:) is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks 4 your help .. i dumped him infront of the football team :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 October 2009):
sweetie please leave this guy. He slaps you and is pressurizing you. That's abuse and you shouldn't stand for it. There are far better guys out there, so leave this one and find a good guy.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (5 October 2009):
The statement below reading, "You will want to be sure he doesn’t brag about it to his friends (ruin your reputation); that he makes you feel that having sex is/has and will always be an extension of the physical intimacy you already share," should read: "extension of EMOTIONAL intimacy you already share."
My apologies. ;-)
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (5 October 2009):
You are right to feel proud of your virginity. Sexual Intimacy is, as I am always saying, BEST when it is an amplification or manifestation of the Emotional Intimacy you are already sharing with the special person in your life. It does “keep” a boyfriend or “get” a boyfriend.
In short, when you have sex for the first time, it is best to be with someone who truly cares about you. To address the physical aspects of having sex for the first time, for a girl it can often be very painful. I remember I actually asked the boy I was with to stop before long. Afterwards there is bleeding; commonly this is just spotting, but everyone is different and the bleeding can be heavier.
Afterwards, and especially if you've given yourself to someone you know subconsciously is “not the right one”, you will likely feel remorse. You will want the boy you’ve chosen to be with to be sensitive enough to take care of the needs you will have after sex. You will want to be sure he doesn’t brag about it to his friends (ruin your reputation); that he makes you feel that having sex is/has and will always be an extension of the physical intimacy you already share. This is why so many women like to cuddle after sexual intimacy.
Now, let’s put aside the relationship you have for a moment and instead close your eyes and spend some time day-dreaming about what kind of relationship you’d like to have. By all means, take the aspects of this current relationship you enjoy and put them in the fantasy. But don’t stop there! What did you day-dream about having before you started dating? How did you imagine he’d inspire you to feel? How would the fantasy boy treat you when his friends are around? Would he push you to go farther than you are ready, or would he care for you exactly as you are and be prepared to move at your own pace?
I believe that upon comparing the above fantasy to what you have now; you will find the current boy comes up short. I think you will even find that he is not the ideal choice for offering him your virginity. For example, many boys will try to push you or pressure you to move at their pace and not yours; however this boy is trying to BULLY you physically to get what he wants. He is falling short of even the average!!
This is WHY everyone has been advising you to end this relationship. This boy does not respect you. He does not care for you the way you care for him. He does not love you.
You can teach him to respect you by ending this relationship and staying true to yourself. His friends, while they may not say it to you or to him, will respect you. Even if no one respected you, YOU would respect you more. Settling for him is the first step along a dark and isolating path. If you will allow yourself to be slapped by this boy, what will you put up with from the next?
Protect your virginity until you have the ideal circumstance. Throughout your life, if you can maintain this higher standard with regards to your sex life (and love life), even when it is tempting not to, you will be a HAPPIER and more FULFILLED PERSON overall.
When you break up with this boy, he may tell you he’s changed or that he will change. But he won’t, not for the long term. You will be back in this situation again, my friend.
You have a lot of thinking to do. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (5 October 2009):
 Ok, the part about him slapping you. Stop right there. There is nothing else about your question that even needs to be addressed. Get rid of this scumbag! And when you find a decent guy that won't slap you, he will not be the type to force you to do anything you don't want, either!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): He slaps you. A girl deserves better than that.
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A
female
reader, Karlin24 +, writes (5 October 2009):
 Leave him now. The abuse will only get worse. If you have sex with him you will regret it down the road, if not immediately. He is abusive and he is pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, meaning, he does not care about how you feel. No one is hot enough to put up with that kind of bullshit. You know the old saying, "no matter how hot someone is, someone, somewhere, hate's his guts". Your virginity is nothing you can get back, and most women wish they had waited for someone truly special instead of the person that pressured them into it. And slapping you? Girl, it's called run, don't walk, run from this person. IT WILL GET WORSE. You've already showed him physical abuse is permitted because you didn't leave him when he did it. He will take advantage and push it further. Please take advise from these people that are trying to help you from our experience. We wouldn't be writing if we hadn't been there.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (5 October 2009):
the best thing you can do is get over your attraction to him. the fact that you mention he is "hot" tells me that this is what influences ur decisions with him despite what he does. he hit you? that alone should make you want to stay away. have a little self esteem in yourself. if this guy were a less attractive guy you probably would have dumped him for this stuff. apply the same standard to him regardless what he looks like. the way he looks is nothing he did himself but the things he is doing to you are things he is doing himself. I cannot say this enough. his looks mean absolutley nothing in this situation and should have no bearing in ur decisions
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A
female
reader, lostchick +, writes (5 October 2009):
honestly i think you should brake up with him what he is doing to you is not right and dont do something you dont want!!! i personally regret loosing my virginity with the person that i did it with please dont be like me
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