A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 years is lately being emotionally abusive towards me, never spends time with me, always blames me for verything. Whenever he get angry and yells at me, says he need to yell cause i was stupid enough not to understand him. His friends (particulary his best freind) never liked me, he always makes fun of me and my bf laughs with himToday i got to work late and my car broke down, so i called my bf to pick me up. He yelled me with so many bad words, i cant even write them here without cringing and said i always call him or message him and he needs to switch off his phone just to avoid my calls and said its over, never ever to call him again. I called my friend and since she lives far away, i have to wait at deserted work place till she picked me upI never called my bf more then twice in a day and never sent him text unless its neccessary.I know i should never contact him ever again, but i always end up crawling back to him. Please help me,
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): You will be so much better off without him! I think that by now you are so used to the way he has been treating you that it comes to your mind as normal/tolerable behavior... You need to cut contact with your bf. he doesn't show you any respect and by being with him, you are not respecting yourself. The longer you stay with him, the lower your self esteem and image will be and the harder it will be to leave him. The first few weeks will be the hardest, but keep yourself busy, surround yourself with people who truly care about you: your friends and family, and do activities that you enjoy and make you feel good about yourself. You could also keep a little journal to write down how you feel. This will help to get your feelings out or when you start to feel lost because you have to find again who you are without your abusive bf in your life. Would you see yourself happy in the next 5 years if you were still with him? You can make the change, but you have to make it happen.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): Hey there, this man does not want to see you. Have you missed out some information here? Has he tried to end it repeatedly with you. It sounds like he has had enough of you and is now trying the nasty ways so that you get the message that he does not want to be with you... period? You need to work on your self esteem, because you deserve better girl. You know what its his loss not yours.Brush yourself off. Smile and get back out into the game we call dating.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 I can't imagine why you would stay with someone like this. What is it that you get from him? If I were you I would talk to someone, like a doctor or a therapist and find out why you feel drawn to this piece of crap when there are so many other men out there. If you can't find the strength in you to kick him out of your life then get help. You obviously realise that is what you need to do.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 February 2013):
You choose the way you want people to treat you. You need to stop being a victim and start taking control of your life. You seem like a loving and caring person so I don't know why you would put up with all of this.
Good luck to you, I hope you find the strength to leave
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You know he's wrong for you but yet you choose to crawl back to him. Why do you do that? Are you really THAT lonely and needy? This man treats you like crap because you allow him to treat you that way. Walk out with dignity and put an end to this abuse. Its all in your hands, nothing that we say will make any difference till YOU want to make that difference.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You can't go back...he told you he's ended it and that you must not call him again. If you try to get back with him, he will just see you as a desperate pest who he can use and abuse even more...is that what you want?...Just so you can tell people you have a boyfriend??
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2013):
 Step ONE... pay for AAA car service so you have a reliable way to get help if you car breaks down again.
That way you don't have to call friends and wait for them...
Step two.. you know your boyfriend is abusive and does not deserve you... you know you should not go back....
you say you always do...
we need to figure out why you do....
are you afraid of being alone?
if so why?
why do you think that his abusive behavior is all you deserve...
make e lists... page one... all the things you NEED and WANT in a relationship Page 2 draw a line down the middle... EX boyfriend's name at the top left side is all the good things... right side... all the bad things....
you may be as detailed and as stupid as you like on the second page lists... the more the better actually...
EVERYTHING you like about the relationship AS IT IS NOW.
do not list things that WERE good... or the POTENTIAL you see.
are you missing the MAN HE IS or the man you want him to be?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You are so smart with this, which you wrote at the end:
"I know i should never contact him ever again, but i always end up crawling back to him. Please help me..."
Ironically, NOBODY can do for you that which you must do, yourself. AT LEAST you know "what to do".... AND....
I would give you this suggestion: Rather than "crawl back" to him, this time or the next time, immerse yourself in other activities... which activities will NOT ONLY ease you away from this creep... .but will spark other pleasantries in your mind... and keep you coming back to THEM (the activities and pleasantries). Surely, there is/are one or two books that you always promised yourself that you'd read. Do that now. Pick up that old guitar and do some strumming and singing. Take up some crafty hobby that you always thought you'd like to try. Look around your community, and you will surely find oodles of social organizations that need volunteers... Hospitals, soup kitchens, schools, theaters... the list is endless.
DIVERT YOURSELF from the behaviours and activities that bring you back to this toxic guy, and fill your life with "positives"....
I predict that - if you do that - you will be back on here in as little as three months saying, "Damn... I didn't know just how easy it would be to get away from that creep and turn my life around to a darn good life.... "
Good luck....
P.S. If/when you expand the extent and nature of your activities in this way, you will ALSO increase the odds of meeting new, interesting and NICE men!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Sorry OP there's nothing we can do for you. You know you should never contact him again and you won't do that. Nothing we can say is going to make a difference because you already know what must be done. Just do it.
So put up with this until you become a broken, shadow of a woman who has lost all her pride and dignity or do the very simple physical task of cutting him completely out of your life and moving on. We can't magically give you the mental strength to do that OP, you need to find that within yourself. Or maybe go to some counselling and work through whatever it is inside you that is willing to allow another human treat you this way.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a punching bag. He's emotionally abusive now and it seems like he's capable of becoming physically abusive in the future. Yes, you should leave him. I think you should seek help from your friends and family in this matter. If they know your situation, then whenever you feel like returning to him, talk to your family and friends. You need their support the most. I would probably call this an addiction where you always want to go back to him, terrible as he is. You need your family and friends to be your anchor.
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