A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2years. i truely love him.but he's awful at oral sex. I don't know how to tell him this without hurting him. What should I do?
View related questions:
oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone, i'm really starting to love this site
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 April 2011):
 For years it has been most productive, I think, based on response from many male visitors here, when seeking advice from those perhaps older and more experienced at performing oral sex on wives and other female lovers. There are a number of very good DC contributors who have advised over the years on this Web site, and I suspect the guys who listened have done very well.
But it is more difficult to offer advice to the woman seeking to educate their lover(s) because the lovers are not doing the asking. They (the guys) have to be very open-minded and willing to learn. I suspect that some are, and some are not, possibly too vain or whatever to think that experience matters.
Anyway, I've contributed many extensive writings which are archived here, but I'll advance a few more tidbits regarding "oral stimulation to the clitoris," which is the apex of a woman's pleasure. If your boyfriend is open-minded enough to accept some guidance from a much older and experienced man, then so be it.
First off, I'll defer to the better writer and authority on the subject, previously mentioned many times, Dr. Ian Kerner, PhD, author of the great volume, "She Comes First" (2004). In my opinion, his 226-page dissertation is the ultimate guide to driving most any woman crazy with orgasmic pleasure.
In a nutshell, however, the point is that the man should first please the woman, and the best way to do that begins with romance in a romantic or somehow august setting, erotic as possible, and with the attention focused on her pleasure rather than his own.
Following substantial time in setting mood, sexuality and anticipation (which is most critical), which I've intimately described in this Web site's archives, the focus eventually sets on the woman's clitoris. Her labia should gently be spread, licked ever so softly without hesitation but not hurriedly, and gently "tickled" with the tip of the tongue to stimulate her response.
More advice can be found in the archives, by entering "DoubleM on cunnilingus", or I'll continue by request.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Tell him what works best for you, let him know that as he has worked on you you are starting to realize what is most effective.If your bf is awful at oral sex, you are awful at receiving it...he's got no clue what works for you unless you, the other 50% of the relationship are talking and encouraging and guiding.Really! Start talking and he'll start listening. Also, if you are faking anything, you are really mucking up his understanding of you and your needs.
...............................
A
male
reader, yankit +, writes (17 April 2011):
Never say he's bad at it or he'll "opt out" just suggest some new and more "explosive techniques
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 April 2011):
Don't tell him what he's bad at - just tell him what to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Don't tell him "you are awful at oral sex ", but do tell him : let's try another way- faster, harder,softer, etc.etc,let's seek together what works best for ME.
I don't think there's such a thing as being absolutely good or absolutely bad in sex.Every woman is soooo different, maybe his moves were great on other partners, but not on you. There is not a text book, universally correct way to do things, every time it has to be customized to the person you are with.
Explain him that if he seems upset or hurt.
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (17 April 2011):
Enter the word cunnilingus in the search area. Print out your favorite advice for him to read.
...............................
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (17 April 2011):
Perhaps he doesn't like it either - perhaps he'd be mighty relieved if you asked him to stick to penis-in-vagina from now on........
...............................
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (17 April 2011):
 There are definitely ways you can work on this without having a real sit-down talk with him. You can absolutely avoid the awkward feelings-hurt risk of that kind of approach.
I agree with C. Grant. He'll get over the initial slight embarassment the second he gets it right and sends you off in happy squeaks.
If he does something you like, tell him, verbally and instantly, "That felt awesome". It's also completely acceptable to give little directions like higher, harder, etc. Even people who ae good at oral get those kinds of directions just because the giver never knows exactly how the reiever feels.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Guide him and teach him. Let him know what works and what doesn't. If he happens to get something right, make noises that let him know that it was good. If he's getting no where for a while, gently move his head in a better direction. If you're not willing to teach, he's never going to learn, right?
...............................
|
