A
female
age
51-59,
*inaMarie
writes:hi,went on a business trip with my boyfriend of 2 years,he always talked about the young girl at work and it bothered me,this was the second time i met her ,her and i became drunk and began kissing which later ended up in bed,we did nothing more than touching,my boyfriend left the room and later on came back,he had sex with the two of us they are now going away again, i can not be there every night and i am worried something is going to happen.i have told him if they spend any time outside of work,whether they go out or are in each others room, i could never forgive him,i do trust him but not her she has never spoken to me again, am i asking too much? how do i deal with this situation?
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at work, drunk, girl at work, kissing, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TinaMarie +, writes (1 November 2008):
TinaMarie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow,you have all covered every aspect of this sticky situation and i thank you for that! i have spoke to him many times but he sometimes gets upset with me which makes it worse,he feels i should just believe him that nothing is going to happen but i need to be reassured. i want you all to think real hard about this if you ever have the opportunity, i did and we discussed it often but i realized how much it hurts when you really love some one,yes i did this before about 20 years ago but it never hurt this much,she and i were also friends which made it easier, i trusted her! we did have one rule he couldn't kiss her and he did't thank God!i keep this thought in my mind to get through this difficult time and the help of all yours will hopefully keep me sane! ps the hesdline,thats not the one i wrote, makes it sound like i worry about him at work every day, i dont its just the going away part that makes me crazy!
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 November 2008):
 Obviously you don't trust him. If you did, there'd be no problem. The truth might be that you don't trust her or his reaction to her potential advances. You are jealous and afraid that he might enjoy her advances. If you seriously trust him then you are confident he will react negatively to her advances. Your lack of trust or knowing for sure what he will do is what is causing you pain. You are afraid because all the pieces are there for a tempting opportunity. That is true and will not change. When you had the threesome the genie was let out of the bottle. It's not easy to put the genie back ion the bottle. So now you'd like to minimize the risk by controlling who he is with. That doesn't work for long either because if he's inclined to cheat, it could be with anyone. Your fear here is because they have a history. He could also say the same thing about you, you were with another woman. He could question your motives when you spend time with female friends.
Many fantasies are best left alone. You guys opened Pandora's box. I'd suggest you talk to your guy. Let him know how this is really bothering you. Hopefully he will try to make a compromise that relieves your stress. You can not control him though as there will always be opportunities out there. The only difference here is that you know about this one.
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A
male
reader, Cowboy  +, writes (1 November 2008):
If it's any help, I've had threesomes in the past, and a couple of them were with my girlfriend at the time.
I can't say for certain that it will be the same in your situation, but there was a sort of unwritten rule that nothing would happen without both of us being there.
One of the girls we did this with was (and still is) one of my best friends. If we were alone, there was no way I would have done anything with her, because then I would have been cheating on my girlfriend. I didn't see the fact that we'd had a threesome as a licence to cheat on my girlfriend.
It's hard to put into words, but I hope you get the idea. I think if you trust your boyfriend under normal circumstances, then that should mean it will be ok.
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A
female
reader, epifanatical  +, writes (1 November 2008):
 His already had sex with her!! You say you wre drunk when it happened, but you still knew it happened. It sounds as if you crossed the line and now you are unsure about how you feel.
You cannot be sure that he wont have sex with her again, the only thing you can do is tell him how you feel about it, which you already have as you say, but I still can see its going to be a great temptation for him. Perhaps some valuable lessons have been learnt here?
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A
male
reader, Jonty23 +, writes (1 November 2008):
Honesty is the key to this.
Tell him how you feel - and ask him to be honest about his intentions and his feelings for you.
Ask yourself (and him) - do you want an open relationship?
Discuss it - and if your answers are very different - then I suggest the whole relationship is in jeopardy.
The only way to deal with your worries is to get them out in the open - bottling them up will only cause you more problems in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (1 November 2008):
 This is the problem when you bring other people in to your relationship. You need to speak with him and ask him what his intentions are and if they're planning on doing anything. Explain to him that your worried and tell him that you wouldn'tbe happy about it, and your not sure if you would be able to forgive him.
Worrying about this is not going to change anything.
She might feel embarrased about what happened, which is why she hasn't spoken to you.
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