A
female
age
30-35,
*shleyxo
writes:Okay, so my boyfriend of a year and a half is just really mean lately, but here's the story. Everything was so good the first year we started seeing each other, He's the only person I've trusted 100%, and now I'm just hearing that he supposedly cheated on me, by texting another girl, he says it's not true, but I catch him in the middle of lies all of the time. He always yells at me because I now have trust issues with him, which I thought was completely normal.. Well anyways, He used to be so controlling also, but I love him so much that I really didn't pay it any attention. But now, he's all laid back and chill once I've lost my bestfriends, I have no one now, except him and he knows that. Now, I get yelled at for being controlling, when he made me this way, I was such a strong person, now he could be like "screw off" and I'd start balling my eyes out. I have no where else to run to, Help me?
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (10 August 2011):
Often its not the person we love, but its the illusion of who we think they are, the memory of the way they used to be, or who we want them to be.
If you met this guy for the first time today, the way he is, would you even want to give him the time of day?
Its a conflict between what is going on in your mind and reality. When the two match up, you won't need anyone's advice.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (10 August 2011):
 "I really do care about him, and I love him to death, just thinking about all the good times we've had make me wanna stay, I just need advice, I don't know what to do anymore."
Imagine you have a favorite resturaunt you have been going for years. When the place first opened, the meals were amazing, the service was 5 stars, the owner was happy to see you!
Now, over the years, they do not bother cleaning the place, the wait became longer and longer for a half decent meal, you eventually see cockroaches scurrying across the floor. You start to wonder what happened to that passion the owner once had for his establishment.
Then the owner starts to slowly slip poison in your food, except you do not know it because it is so sublte. Daily, you feel sicker and sicker.
Yet, you remember the good times long ago and keep spending your time and money there out of loyalty.
You may love him to death and slowly he will be the death of you from the inside out if you stay with him.
When you say that you feel like you need him, it struck a chord in me, because after meeting a lot of women in codependant and abusive relationships over the years..that is what is commonly heard. "I feel like I need him".
You need to take ownership of your own happiness. Look down that road with this bf. Is it eventually leading to a dead end?
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A
female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (10 August 2011):
 You sound like such a nice girl. But you have got to get a grip on this relationship. If he is mean to you....run and don't look back. If he is cheating (and I define cheating as anything you would not do in front of your boyfriend/ girlfriend so texting, emailing flirty messages, all that constitutes as cheating....if you have to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it) run and don't look back!
Remember this is just the begining of the relationship, when everything is supposed to be going great, it will only get more difficult from here. You deserve the best and if he is not giving it to you then you need to be stong enough to give it to yourself.
You've isolated yourself and it gets lonely, but the more you become strong and show that you can take care of yourself (and not rely on him so much for your happiness) the more healthy your relationship is.
If I were you, I would talk to your boyfriend (communication and turn in to your relationship) tell him your insecurities what you think about is going on with the lies and what you need to happen for your relationship to work. Then give him a time frame for him to adjust (2 months) or not to lie, if after the 2 months he is still mean and cheating then leave.
Because he won't want to try and improve your relationship.
Sorry I know that rambled a bit.
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A
male
reader, aresu  +, writes (10 August 2011):
 well, you have benn very vague about what he is doing to wear you donw, you arent even sure he cheated, and about the yelling thing, some guys get very upset if they think that they girl is doubting them, so it could be that too. but one thing you havent said is why did you lose your friendships?, if is his fault then i will agree that he is just doing you wrong now, much more than good.
and i see that you depend a lot on him to make you happy, that is a very bad thing, you should be able to be happy on your own. is not healthy, and not only that, but if for sme reason he is responsible for your isolation, you should end this relationship fast, because if he is, then he is a very controlling and manipulative man, and you will not change that, and that will only wear you down FAST, both mentally and physically.
if he is making you unhappy and on top of that he is controlling and isolating you, you must find strenght to end this as quickly as you can, and try to take back your friends or make new ones, join activity clubs or something, socialize and meet new people.
but really, it will help a lot if you mention why you lost your friends, or explain better how is your boyfriend letting you down, it would help a lot to make a better advice.
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A
female
reader, ashleyxo +, writes (10 August 2011):
ashleyxo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the problem, I love him more than anything, my family isn't really here for me. My mom is not a stable mother, and she never has been. He was kind of like my escape to everything bad that's happened to me. He's just letting me down a alot, And I care about him so much. I feel like I need him.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 August 2011):
 What about your family? Where are they?
Maybe you need to kick this man to the kerb, and pick up the phone to reconnect with your friends!
HE is certainly no friend to you!
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A
female
reader, ashleyxo +, writes (9 August 2011):
ashleyxo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really do care about him, and I love him to death, just thinking about all the good times we've had make me wanna stay, I just need advice, I don't know what to do anymore.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 August 2011):
If hes mean, yells, lies....why do you want to be with him?
He did not make you the way you are. No one forced you. He surely helped shape your self esteem, but you allowed him access to that. Time to start taking back some of your own power and your self esteem will follow.
What kind of help do you feel you need?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): Find a hobby, join a sports team or something, make new friends! Maybe that way you can also find a special person that treats you better than he does.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Leave this guy. He's the one controlling you and he likes the feeling of isolating you. He doesn't care about your happiness and isn't concerned about yours. He's being selfish, immature, unreasonable, and he's not the type of person you should be with. Leave him and find someone much better.
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