A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend confessed to having nearly 100 past sexual partners. I'm still a virgin, which makes it a shocker for me. He told me that before he turned 21 (his bday is next month) he wanted to go above 100, but said he would stop at me. He wanted me to take this as something that meant something (really how can it?). Don't want to just be another number or one to add his his long list. He said that 80% of the girls he had slept with he had no feelings for. He's told me he has feelings for me, and has never felt this way. He's also said he'll wait for whenever I'm ready. Was I in line to be one out of the 100? :/
View related questions:
still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): DO NOT sleep with him!!! Not until you get vaccinated for HPV---and even then. Your body is sacred. It's yours full and whole. You know how it ticks and you know what's up. Losing your virginity will cause you more anxiety than you are aware of-- next time you feel sick to your stomach, you may find yourself in panic mode. Not to mention his history. A man with this history is basically ASKING for an STI. Your chances of contracting HPV that can lead to cervical cancer are that much higher. It would mean going to the doctor twice a year for a pap smear for several years, possibly the rest of your life. And you would be a carrier. You could never have another partner without passing it on. And, your chances of miscarrying should you ever want children are also that much higher.Take my advice. Don't sleep with him. Be yourself, be happy by yourself. be happy WITH yourself and your health.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Ok, I haven't read all the answers on here, but here's my opinion.
There's a reason he hasn't felt this way about a girl before, and its because he's never been interested in the emotional side of things when it comes to women, all he's interested in is sex. To be honest, he probably doesn't feel any different towards you than he did towards the others, and he's just telling you what you want to hear until he gets what he wants.
Of course he's going to wait as long as it takes for you to be ready, because not only will you be his number 100, but he will have claimed virginity too. That will boost his ego CONSIDERABLY, and he WON'T stop there!
If I was you, I couldn't relax in this relationship and feel safe in the knowledge that I AM the one he wants to settle down with, you only have to look at his track record to see why. I'd always be looking over my shoulder waiting for him to stab me in the back and do the dirty on me, that's no relationship to have I'm afraid.
...............................
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (9 October 2012):
 he would be a good one to dump. he wants to add you to his self centered list of girls, and virgin girls he has used. o.k. he said he never had feelings for 80% of the girls he scr#wed , so that means he had some feelings for 20 out of 100 girls he lied to , sr#wed, and dumped. right . what makes you think you will be any different than the 100 that he took advantage of.he lied to them, just like he more than likely is doing to you.
he has a goal before he turns 21, and that goal is you. he said he would stop at you, ya right. i guess girl no 50 he told her the same thing also. being no 101 surly doesn't make you feel too special with him, right?, neither was any of the girls he took advantage of.
my advice is get away from him. don't give yourself any regrets to look back on, i am afraid if you stay with this bum you will look back with tears, and regrets.
you have your virginity and can only give it once , don't give it "throw it " away with regrets to look back on. look at your virginity as something special you can only give once, make a wise choice with no heart aches .
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I can see a guy having 10-15 partners at the age of 21 an that would be HIGH, but almost 100? That is just nasty. For him I seriously doubt sex means anything.
And YOU would just be another notch in his bedpost and a V in his little black book.
He is just a walking STI - things like HPV is EASY to get even if he uses condoms every times, same with herpes and quite a few others. Now if you also count the times he MAY not have used one or giving a girl oral unprotected.. the chances of STI just keeps going up.
Honestly, there is a reason you have waited this long to have sex, WHY have it with a guy who wants the "cherry" more then you.. Yea he is willing to wait. Sure, doesn't mean he loves you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Ugh, nasty.
How special do you think sex with you is going to be? Not at all for him.
You deserve much better.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (9 October 2012):
OP he is taking advantage of your feelings and playing with you. So he tells you he didn'tp have feelings for 80% of the women he had sex with, is that supposed to make you feel good? And what about the other 20%? I don't think the feelings he had for them went much beyond his penis! If you want to avoid waking up and feeling tricked and used then avoid this guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (9 October 2012):
Like everybody else said, it looks like he's only wanting to run up the score. Just because HE has decided to have 100 partners before he is 21, it does not obligate YOU to help him reach that goal! Will you get a trophy and framed certificate for being "Number 100"? I bet he'll be thinking about the goals for his 22nd birthday before the cake is gone from his 21st.
Some girls say they want their first intercourse to be with an experienced partner who will give them a very pleasurable first experience even if there isn't a lot of emotional attachment. I don't agree with that approach, and I don't think you do either, but even if you did - this guy probably wouldn't give you that experience. He sounds like a very selfish sex partner, concerned only about his own satisfaction. The physical sensations of first-time sex with him will probably be about the same as with a totally inexperienced virgin boy who has no idea about female sexual anatomy, or a girl's arousal cycle.
He told you that he will wait for you, and I think you should hold him to his word. You didn't say how long your relationship has been developing - I hope it's been a year or more before you seriously considered adding sex to it.
In light of his past, and your concerns, give serious consideration to waiting several months before adding sex to your relationship. Or even a year. If this becomes a really lasting, long-term, relationship (yes, it's possible that you two will be life partners) then waiting a few months will not be a bad step - in fact, it will probably strengthen your relationship as it grows in other areas.
If you two are still together after that wait, and he hasn't achieved his goal of 100 partners, then it shows that he really DOES have feelings for you. Even more important than feelings, it shows he has consideration and respect for you. If you DO break up before having sex, the guy who you eventually give your virginity to will probably be even more impressed and honored that he is your first, and is experiencing something that no other man has experienced with you. (I hope he will give you the same privilege. I know from experience that a double-virgin wedding night can be awesome!)
While you are waiting to find out if his word can be trusted, look up the term "retroactive jealousy" on this forum, or other web sites. In addition to other, very practical, concerns you are experiencing this even before you have sex with him!
You should also tell him of your decision to wait, and tell him sooner rather than later. Don't tell him a flat "No!" unless you have decided to turn him away completely. (And some here have suggested that you should do that.) And don't make it sound like, "Not yet, but on March 10th I will put out for you.". Instead, try to communicate that the delay is based on your relationship, not the calendar. Events such as "When the engagement ring is on my finger", or "After the wedding but before the reception." are unambiguous but you may have other relational mileposts in mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Why are you even considering this? This guy is a total creep, and a sex fiend. You ARE just a number to him, and if you think otherwise, you're just kidding yourself. I also agree with Sage, he probably said the same thing to the others about stopping with them. You would have to have incredibly low self esteem to go through with this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 You are just a number to him OP, the very fact that he told you that he wanted to go above 100 says it all. This is abnormal sexual behavior for someone who is under 21. Don't waste your time with this guy and get out of this as fast as you can. You are and will always be just another sexual conquest. And how do you know that he hasnt said this to all the other girls, that "you mean so much to me, I'll wait till you're ready and I'll stop at you. I love you and I've never felt this way for anyone else". Ya Right!!
...............................
A
female
reader, crummyscreenname +, writes (9 October 2012):
He has had 100 partners, and he will not stop with you.He's wasting your time and you need to walk away from this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 October 2012):
It sounds like he has an addiction to sex. I mean, a 100 bedpartners before his 21st b-day? That's insane.
In any case I am highly skeptical of his promise that he wants to stop at you. Because let's be honest here, his track record suggests otherwise. He's said he hasn't felt anything for 80% of the girls. That leaves 20% (or twenty girls) that he did have feelings for, but passed on (after bedding them) regardless. You have to consider the probability that he sweet talked other girls with the same "I've never felt like this before" stuff (BS). Also, the idea that he keeps a record and is actually proud of such an idiotic high number is a red flag too.
If you want to give this guy a shot regardless, you have to make him work REALLY hard for it. He'll probably wait a month if that means he gets to bang a virgin and round out the number 100 for his b-day. It's his personal goal and trophy number. Plus you being a virgin makes it even more special. So be aware of his agenda.
If you really want to know if he's genuine in his feelings for you, you wait at least half a year before having sex with this guy. Hell, if it were me, I'd wait a year. If he's still around by then you know he's committed. If he starts pressuring you and saying shit like how much better the 'relationship' would be if you'd go all the way, or try to make you feel guilty and force you into things you don't want, you show him the door and never look back. You need to be strong and firm if you want to try this and if you're afraid that he's going to be able to manipulate you and put you in a position where you find yourself unable to say "no" you're better off ending this right now.
Personally, I'd kick him to the curb now. "I may be a virgin but I'm not an idiot. How can I expect you to be faithful and committed to me when you've basically been switching sex partners as fast as I zap channels on TV? How can sex be meaningful to you if you see the women you've been with as a number and want to make a 100 before your B-day as if it's something to be proud of? I am not going to be your trophy. Thank you for being straightforward about your sexual past, but we're simply not compatible." And then say goodbye.
From your post it already sounds like you have big doubts. Your gut is not buying it. If I've learned one thing in life, it's to listen to your gut in situations like this. It tends to be right.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (8 October 2012):
 You need to drop kick this guy and find yourself someone else. Why would you stay with him after the things he's said??? He'd like to go above 100, but he'll stop at you? Highly doubt that is the case. Listen to your instincts girl, and leave now before you become another statistic.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 October 2012):
 I'll bet that he told the other 99 that he ".... was going to stop at (them)..."... too!!!!
Why bother being just another notch in this character's headboard??? There are OODLES of nice guys available... and THIS surely isn't one of them!!!!
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (8 October 2012):
Honestly, judging by your ages; yes, you'll just be another added to his list whether it's intentional or not. Do you really think you're gonna marry this guy? Probably not. Consider losing your virginity to someone more "worthy."
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (8 October 2012):
 Ok so I'm a bit confused and need something cleared up. He turns 21 next month and wants to have over 100 partners by then correct? I guess he is wanting you to make it 100 and then not be with anyone else after that..? But he said he would wait as long as you wanted, so that would mean you need to be ready by next month since he has this goal set for his birthday? And if you aren't ready in a month does he find someone else to help him reach the 100 mark?
I'd run so very far away from this man. He sets goals for sex partners and has been with almost 100 women before the age of 21. That's insane. I don't think he is genuine with you, sorry. He probably wants his number 100 to be a virgin. He wants to have a certain number of sexual partners before his birthday, it's all a game to him. Your virginity is not. Don't take this as an "honor" for him to want you to be the one. And it is far fetched to have so many partners at such a young age so he could be lying and getting an elaborate idea for you to sleep with him within a month (telling you that you will be his special 100). Either way he's no good and not serious relationship material.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 October 2012):
 I was very promiscuous in my teens and then as a swinger with my ex husband. I have had over 100 partners myself both men and women... but I'm 52 and I had less than 10 when I married at age 21 (it was a very sexual open time no HIV OR AIDS and birth control pills were given out like candy then)I would not be pleased with a boyfriend who had such a goal.I agree with Aunt Honesty that it's a huge red flag...
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 October 2012):
 He sounds weird. How does he keep track of the number if he didn't write their names all down in a diary, #31, with feelings, #87 no feelings. I will be weirded out by him. I would opt out by being lucky number 100. And he's saying this like you would be impressed and honored to round up his sex life.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 October 2012):
 If I am honest with you, if it was me I think I would run a mile from this man. He is quite young so to have slept with so many women is quite unbelievable. Although maybe he is over exaggerating and if he is it makes me wonder why he would do something like this.
The first thing I would be concerned about is if he has any STI's. This would need to be discussed, it also worries me that you are still a virgin and that he might not be the right guy to give that to, I would hate for you to live to regret it. It is good he is willing to wait until you are ready, but is he ready to commit to you and actually officially be in a relationship with you, if not then my suggestion would be to stay clear of him.
...............................
|
