A
male
age
41-50,
*luemonkey
writes:I grew up in a particular religion in very religiously conservative family. I got married and had kids very young. I find myself now in my early 30's and married 12 years. About 5 years ago, I started changing my viewpoints considerably. I am no longer with the religion I grew up with. I have become more socially and politically liberal. I have met some amazing people, seen some amazing things, and have learned a lot about myself. As a result of this though, all of my immediate family have pretty much stopped talking to me. Many of my life long friends don't speak to me either. This is fairly common in this religious organization, if you leave or disagree with any of the teachings.This has been fine as I have many friends outside these circles that like me for me and are tolerant of different ideas. My wife has been fairly good with all of this and we still get along fairly well. However, this huge difference in beliefs has caused a big rift in our lives with each other. I have my friends, she has hers. I have things I do, she has hers. I celebrate holiday's, birthdays, go to parties, she doesn't... (or is not "allowed" to) I like being active politically, she can't. I love my wife. We are great friends and always have gotten along really well. With this rift that is between us now, we are losing our intimacy and closeness. I fight feelings of loneliness and anger because of all this. We argue about how to raise our kids and what they are "allowed" to do. I see my kids starting to adopt attitudes of close mindedness and lack of tolerance and it makes me sad. I have tried to talk about this and get her to see my side of things and perhaps join me where I am in life now. I try to explain the feelings and emotions I have or talk about what I am going through with all this change. I don't get much sympathy or feedback. All we've been able to do is reach a mutual understanding of each other. Neither of us are going to change and she wants to continue raising the kids in this religion I used to follow. I'm scared for them and for me as I'm not sure how to cope emotionally in a relationship like this. I need people and intimacy and depth with someone I can talk to. The weird thing in all of this is that on the surface, we still get along, laugh, hangout, and are friends. It's just anything deeper - is missing. I would like some advice. I'm at a lost on what to do next. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bluemonkey +, writes (17 October 2012):
bluemonkey is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the good feedback. Based on some of this and several PM's I opened a thread here. It's been very helpful. I highly recommend this to anyone in a similar situation.
http://www.jehovahswitnessrecovery.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=14522
A
female
reader, Wyeldfire +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Looks like the previous "anonymous" post may not appear - and I found a number of spelling errors - so here's my (corrected) response:
Hey, bluemonkey. I'm So_Very_Confused's ex-JW friend. While you don't specify what religion you've left, I know quite a few resources where you can likely find helpful advice. They address issues that, while common among JWs and those who've left, can be applied to those dealing with "high-control religious groups" and leaving such. (Note: some people use the word "cult" to describe such groups. While not everyone agrees with that terminology, the descriptions are uncannily familiar and the advice just as useful.) I'd also advise Googling the name of your old religion and "support groups" or "forums" or "ex" and finding support group forums you can join - whatever your background, I'm sure they're out there.
http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=category§ionid=1&id=1&Itemid=5
http://www.jehovahswitnessrecovery.com/exit-counseling.html
http://www.rickross.com/recovery.html
http://www.caic.org.au/zleaving.htm
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A
female
reader, Wyeldfire +, writes (11 October 2012):
bluemonkey -- the "Anonymous" answer you'll see (eventually) on this page (from SVC's friend) is from me. Contact me if you like via the site, though I'm more than happy to keep discussing this within this page - I'm sure others can use the same info.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Don't 'cha just LOVE "religion"????? It's supposed to be the basis of love, warmth, caring, getting along, cooperation.....and - in large part - some of them use their dogma/teachings/precepts as reasons to get people to close their minds to anything/everything that is OUTSIDE that religion..... so it really has the reverse effect of what some of us believe a "religion" should be......
YOU and wifey are going to have to sit down and decide if you (and she) are going to refuse to let this religion stunt your kids' life and exposure to the real world... OR, if you are going to cave and let her little darlings become the minions who perpetuate the religious confinement and intolerance that she (and the religious body) is teaching them....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, bluemonkey +, writes (9 October 2012):
bluemonkey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks So_Very_Confused. It's nice to know someone out there actually gets how tuff this is.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I have a friend who was JW and has left.. she is estranged totally from her parents and it's hard for her... and I feel your pain...
In cases where there are fundamental differences of religious beliefs it's very hard to make a marriage work.
I have seen mixed religious marriages work but only if both parties are not very active in the religion they were brought up in... in other words Jews who marry Catholics may celebrate Christmas but there is a Jewish Star on the top of the tree and the celebration is mostly secular...
I don't have any advice on how to fix your issue but I wanted you to know I read it and I understand the problem and your fears for the children.
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