A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just found out that my boyfriend has cheated on me yet again. This is the 6th time that this has happened and I keep taking him back. The girl called me and said that he was with her on Valentines day when he told me that he had to work. I found out later that he paid for her plane ticket for her to come and see him and he also paid for the hotels and everything else. I recently moved out of his house but I moved before I found this out. All he keeps doing is calling me and telling me that it is never going to happen again and that he loves me. I talked to the girl and she said he also saw her again about a month after that and he paid for her gas for her to meet him, while she was on the way she hydroplaned and it messed her front alignment up on her car and he Also paid for that. I love him very much but I don't know how to get him to stop cheating what can I do? I know that a lot of people might think I'm stupid for staying but I have been with him for 2 years and after every time he swears it will never happen again. I really want him to stop cheating and I want us to work but I don't know what else I can do. He is very manipulative and he never tells me the truth until after I really find out and the sick thing is he had sex with the girl on Valentines day and called me right after pretending nothing was wrong and as soon as we hung up he went back to the hotel room with her and they cuddled. Please give me advice on what To do. I know I should break up with him but I just want him to stop cheating.
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female
reader, Stars20 +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Reading this post and the answers has helped me a great deal. I mean, it all measured to me and I noticed that I'm not the only one when went through a cheating and deceiving man. The answers were great, especially anonymous' experience where she started to kick herself after noticing that he wasn't worth it, and how he ended up cheating on another girl. It backs up that saying: If he cheats on you, he'll cheat on the next "victim" too. Wow, I was sitting here sobbing over my ex being with the other woman after I confronted her and told her that he was seeing me behind her back. In reality, she did not know he was having sex with me. I knew about her. Guess what the other woman told me? "I am so deceptioned, he is not worth it". That was the last I heard of her. BUT!!! here I go wondering if she went back to her. Last night I couldn't sleep because I was actually missing him! I wanted him to be with me! How could that be? This has affected me tremendously, to the point where I hate to wake up in the morning. There is no zest in my life. I trully want to feel desired again. Who knows! maybe he's cheating her too. His cell phone was full of female names. I was able to inform her, I told her all he was about. I will continue to read these postings, and drill it in my mind, that it is only worth to move on and not dwell in disrespectful, undeserving men!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Have you ever heard that saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Well, let me tell you something: You can't change no one! If he is a player, he will always be a player. If you're opting to "change him" then you're in for a long ride. A bumpy ride full of jealous rages, anxiety attacks, emotional and psychological abuse from his part. And!!!!You are risking to get a contagious disease from him. An STD, HIV/AIDS or an unplanned pregnancy. I think you should leave him as he is and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I am sorry, Hun. The fact is, the only person whose behavior you can change is your own. Stop taking him back. It's the only solution, I'm afraid.
You'll never be able to trust him and you should probably do this as soon as possible, before you have kids and they wind up with a lying, dishonest guy as their Dad. You deserve better, and even if you are weak, think about raising kids when he's lying and catting around behind your back. Not a great way to bring a child into the world and raise it, right? Well, put them first if you can't do it for yourself.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 He is NEVER going to stop cheating because he knows you will keep taking him back, he has all the benefits of being in a relationship with all the benefits of being single.
I hope you aren't in a sexual relationship, because if you are you may want to get to a GU clinic for a check up!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): its so hard being in your position, in love with a cheat, i know as i have been there. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me three times, he gave me all the apologies and promises of it never happening again after each time.
After the third time though,i knew i had to do something as i was going crazy wondering where he was, what he was up too.
I joined a dating agency as i knew i needed to get straight back out there amongst people if i was going to let him go. i arranged some dates and although i had no real interest in the men i dated, it help me alot to know that i was still desirable, and interesting to men, and it gave me strength to tell the ex that i wasnt putting up with his behaviour any longer, and that i was moving on as there was better out there for me.
At first i missed him terribly, its natural to feel the loss and at times i wondered if i should get in contact with him, but i resisted and kept up with the dating.
I soon found out that he was with another girl, and was doing the same thing to her. That was when i knew 100% he wasnt worth wasting anymore of my life on. Looking back now i could kick myself as i should have left him after the first time, i really hope you can find it in yourself to leave this person, he will not stop, is it worth giving him undeserved love when he has no respect for you?
He will only realise what he had with you if you go, aslong as you stay he will continue to treat you this way.
Please get out of this situation, dont wait and hope for him to change, otherwise you are going to be in the same position in another two years, only then you will be broken.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Delete and discard of everything you have of his and that reminds you of him. Delete all his texts and emails without opening them. Push ignore when he calls. Act as if he does not exist.Replace your thoughts of him with anything else that is true and positive.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (14 April 2009):
 It is really sad. I think you are in the position more women find themselves in when they are married. They are in the situation of: he is my guy; I am committed to him; I love him; what is worse - hoping I might be able to trust him, and still always having him here and living my life with him - or cutting him out and being on my own and never knowing what he is doing ever again?
You aren't married and don't, crucially, have kids, so effectively you have more choices.
Life is a bloody gamble. You can get rid of him and take your chances that you find someone else you love as much or more, who's a decent guy. Or you can stay with him and hope he'll change and probably be disappointed, but still have him. Or most of him.
What he did on Valentine's day and after was really really bad, though. Confront him with it. Have it out. Tell him your choices. And see what he says.
You can't really expect him to be anything other than he is, though. So, do you want him, or not? You probably shouldn't. You should probably take your chances. But I do understand how hard that is if you love someone - after all, isn't love supposed to be about accepting someone totally, and working with them, and not giving up on them?
ps I'm sure I'll be the only one from this perspective! They'll all just say 'DITCH HIM!!!!!!!'... and maybe they're right. Sometimes easier said that done, though.
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (14 April 2009):
 You want to know when the cheating is going to stop - it's never going to stop, why should he, you keep taking him back so he has no reason to stop. You've proven to him that you will accept anything from him. He has disrespected you in every way - and you've taken him back.
You can't stay with a person who treats you like that. Just walk away. If he decides to change, he'll find you but for now let him go.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 Once a cheat - always a cheat. You did not say how old he was. I am assuming that he is quite young. Some men do not mature until they are a little older and feel they need to get as much as they can while they are young. Some women can tolerate some cant. It is obviously eating you up. He probably really does care for you and what he is doing is just sex. But what happens when the sexual disases start or he gets some girl pregnant that he does not care for. Could you stand it as I doubt that care will disappear.
Think about it - if he whats a serious relationship with you he needs to stop. If not leave him. Who knows, he may calm down in a few years time and you may rekindle your relationship. Right know this is unhealthy. Get out of there. I know its hard. Respect yourself!
LOL and good luck.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (14 April 2009):
 You don't get him to stop cheating on you, you dump him!
He's cheated on you 6 times and you've took him back each time. He won't stop cheating on you. Why would he? He knows if you find out he will just say he's sorry and you'll take him back.
You deserve better than this man. Move on and find someone worth your time, love, and affection.
If you stay with this man, you will be nothing more than a doormat to him, and he will treat you as such.
Which is worse, being single for a little while or being cheated on and manipulated for the rest of your life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I'm afraid i dont think he will stop cheating. He has done it to you 6 times already and each time you have taken him back. He knows that he can do it to you and all he has to say is he is sorry and that it wont happen again and you will take him back. He is not going to change as he knows that he can treat you this way and you will not end things with him. He may love you but he does not respect you, if he did then he would not cheat on you and he would have learnt his lesson after being caught out the first time. There are lots of guys out there who will not treat you this way and will be faithfull to you and love you. Although it will hurt you deserve to be with someone who wont treat you this way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): He will never stop. Dump his ass to the curb. It will be hard. You will hurt. YOU DESERVE BETTER! In a few months things will be better and you'll wonder why you waited so long. Don't waste your life with this loser. MOVE ON.
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