A
female
age
30-35,
*rittneyfox
writes:Hi everyone, So ive been dating this guy for 2yrs now, and i always ask him to take showers with me and his response everytime is no, then when i was in the shower i was masterbating when he caught me. When i got out of the shower he was so mad at me and told me i pretty much cheated on him. If its normal and guys are turned on by it why would he get mad. He said he doesnt find it attractive when a woman does it. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): as if he doesnt do the same. he needs to grow up.
my boyfriend always offers me toys himself lol if he is too tired
A
female
reader, AgonyAuntiee93  +, writes (14 July 2011):
You arent cheating! You are doing it to yourself, which is not a bad thing at all! If you have been with him for two years and he truely loves you, he would understand! Talk to him? Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Your boyfriend sounds controlling, manipulative, jealous, insecure, petty, self-righteous ... and wrong!
You have your whole life to get bogged down in difficult relationships. At your age, make it fun! Move on from this clown and enjoy your life. He doesn't deserve you.
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 I've just read all of the posts and your follow ups. Be careful of this relationship. It seems like he's seriously irrational, and the next step past that is violence. This guy sounds very controlling, but the second you want to leave, he'll be all over you like a rash because he likes having you around to put down all the time. It sounds like you've already lost your self esteem, so please try and salvage what you've got left and walk away from this - please take care of yourself. There are way better men out there, you just have to be free to be able to meet them, that's all. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard! No doubt he thinks its cheating because he assumes you were thinking about someone other than him while doing it.. Keep it up! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): Tell him to pack his bags and kick him out. Leave him you will be so much happier and will find some one way better. Do you really wanna put up with him for ever?
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 July 2011):
 is he for real?? mind you, we do get a lot of posts from women on here who are upset coz their man does it, i would've thought most men would love to catch their girlfriend doing it though! tell him it ISN'T cheating at all. be careful with this guy though as he sounds ultra-jealous
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): Ok honey you need to drop this jerk. He is selfish, abusive and controlling. You deserve better.
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male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (13 July 2011):
This immature puritanical person does not deserve your company or further consideration. Let him find someone as strait-laced and censorious as he is, while you find a decent fellow who you can have fun with
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 If everything is in your name kick him out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): What a pathetic little boy. Just reading your answers shows me he has issues. Get yourself out of there and before you go give him a good slap for me. Hes an asshole! Masturbation is healthy and in no way cheating. That douche needs to be set straight.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 July 2011):
 Sorry there's no better way to say this. Your boyfriend is an ass. Why is OK for him to watch porn and masturbate but for you to do it less than him isn't? And the guy has cheated? This guy is a sexist jerk and a control freak. You can do much better.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 July 2011):
You're done. Get this loser out of your life as soon as possible, he's just a negative influence on you. No friends, no privacy, no life of your own...? You know he's not good.
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female
reader, Brittneyfox +, writes (13 July 2011):
Brittneyfox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know im young. the funny thing is that he cheated on me on his 20th bday when i was gone, let alone in our room. Ive never cheated on him. he got mad at me new yrs eve cause i was trying to figure his friends password for his phone, and laid his hands on me and after all that im still here. i think the only reason im staying is cause we just got a place of our own and my name is on everything. Thanks everyone your all helping and making me really think about if i wanna be with him.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 July 2011):
 He's a control freak. You deserve better so move on and leave him behind.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 July 2011):
 It does indeed sound like it is time to finish this relationship, he is obviously very controlling, has double standards, is immature and is not treating you right. You are a young girl with your whole life ahead of you, dont waste anymore time with someone who is holding you back - you can do a lot better!
Leave him - he is not right for you.
Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): As if it's attractive when a man masturbates! Honey, don't listen to word coming out of this boys mouth. It's perfectly normal, acceptable, single or in a relationship. IT'S NOT CHEATING BY ANY MEANS. Ask him if he masturbates, I bet he does. If that is the case, he doesn't see you as a partner but rather as an inferior being. Don't ever put up with that.
Best in luck with breaking up with this ass****!
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 July 2011):
He gets mad cause you want to do it on your own time and then gets mad if you do it at all? Very hypocritical...be with someone who backs up what they say.
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male
reader, JB. +, writes (13 July 2011):
Your guy is crazy. I loved taking showers with previous girlfriends and masturbating in front of me was a real turn on. So it's nothing to be ashamed of. I wouldn't stick around with someone who has reacted like this and I bet he masturbates. So seriously, I don't see the problem! Besides it's natural. I'd ask him if he does and see what he says.
If he says no, I'm pretty sure that's a lie.
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female
reader, Brittneyfox +, writes (13 July 2011):
Brittneyfox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm going to be 20 in couple of months and i live like im 60 and been married for years with this kid. He dont like me hanging out with friends so i have no friends. We sit in our house all day and do nothing, he plays his video games. He talks down to me and makes me feel worthless, ive gotten better ive stood up for myself alot lately but im over the edge and think it might be time to be done. i just dont know
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 July 2011):
Oh my, he's being pathetic. Please, leave him, he's not well. It is normal to masturbate, it is nowhere near cheating, and it is a special moment that you have, which he has NO right to attack you for.
What he is doing is shaming you for masturbating, which someone once did to me as well, and ever since I have great difficulty letting boyfriends see me masturbate, or orgasm. It is near impossible for me to do this now, it's even difficult to let a man go down on me because of the shaming I received. What happened to me was also a boyfriend who discovered I masturbated in the shower (I was honest about it though discrete) and he basically told me he didn't want me to do it because he wanted to be the one to make me come. So I shouldn't go get an orgasm on my own unless it was by him.
I hope what your boyfriend has told you, the way he reacted, wont affect you as much as it affected me. Those were poisonous words, and he had no right to say them. Don't tolerate this immaturity and toxic words he says. I believe firmly that his reaction shows his true character, and that he isn't a good person. He's not a person you should be with, because he seeks to embarrass you, put you down, instead of loving you and accepting you. He should have been excited to see what you did, he should have been glad, and wanted more, and encouraged it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): Oh dear, what a freak!!
here you go:-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogyny
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female
reader, Brittneyfox +, writes (13 July 2011):
Brittneyfox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea he does it all the time, he gets mad cause i dont want to do it all the time like he does, and he masterbates and watches porn and he told me i should be embarressed when i caught him watching it cause that means im not giving it to him enough. I have ignored him and i told him im not embarressed i asked him to take shower with me and he turned me down.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 July 2011):
Most people masturbate even when they are in a relationship. Those who have issues with it need to discuss that before they can be angry about it. Does he masturbate? I bet he does and that would make him an ENORMOUS hypocrite.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 July 2011):
Your boyfriend's being a douche. He can't expect for you to be a perfect woman who only does sexual things to him. You can't cheat on him with yourself. You're always entitled to yourself. Its your body so do what you want. If he can't understand that then maybe you should reconsider your relationship or at least the sexual part of it. He can't expect you to not please yourself when he won't help you. Women have been doing it forever and the women he's been with have probly done it too and it won't stop just because it's something he doesn't prefer. Tell your boyfriend to grow up and accept that you please yourself and if he can't then he needs to occupy his time with something else.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 July 2011):
 This is certainly a problem I have never heard of before.
You are not cheating on him and if he thinks you are not permitted to touch/pleasure yourself he is NUTS!
His ego probably took some damage points that He is not "enough" for you.
Crazy.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 July 2011):
Gosh what an immature little boy! I bet he masturbates, I think he would be pretty pissed off if all of a sudden you got mad at him for masturbating!
I dont really know what you should do to be honest, he is being so unbelieveably stupid about this, it is totally pointless to make an issue out of something that all men and women do.
If I were you I would simply ignore him when he is in a mood like that, let him fester and be angry on his own. Then wait for him to apologise to you, and if he does not, well explain why he is totally out of line to react that way and he cannot accuse you of cheating like that, it is totally wrong. If he still refuses to apologise, well I would start to question if I really want to be with a man who thinks masturbating is cheating, god help you if he ever sees you smile at another guy!
He sounds like he has some issues, is incredibly immature and has no perspective on real life. Dont put up with this behaviour otherwise he will only get worse, confront him about his over the top reaction and if he doesnt apologise, well start to think about whether this relationship is really right for you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): Your guy sounds like an absolute jerk who needs kicking to the curb!
Have you asked him why he doesn't want to shower with you? Have you explained to him that us women don't actually find men masturbating a turn on either but that we let it go because its natural and everyone does it?
What an idiot!
I'd love to hear how masturbating is cheating?
Infact I'd love to know were your man is coming from in any of this. I honestly think he is being ridiculous and you need to find yourself a guy who isn't so selfish in his sexual favours.
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female
reader, Molly9945 +, writes (13 July 2011):
Well if my boyfriend told me masturbating was cheating I would slap him for being stupid. But don't do that.
Try asking him why it is cheating(calmly). If he doesn't give an answer or gets angry then he probably isn't someone worth staying with. Masturbating is healthy and in no way cheating. I'm sure he does it, and if he does tell him if you can't, neither can he.
Still this is a weird situation and an even weirder accusation. Mainly just talk to him about it.
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